So when you feel like jumping
Just when your heart starts pumping
When you’re standing out on that ledge,
Staring over the edge
I’ll be there to talk you down
I’ll be there before you hit the ground
If that’s what it takes, that’s what I’ll do…
 
 

Chapter 2
     It was late April and the radio was blasting in Sarah’s room. Parts of her walls were covered with photographs of family and friends, and in between there were blank rectangular areas. It seemed as if she had had a few posters on her walls, which had only recently been torn down. Sarah was sitting on the floor of her room, crumpled up, hugging her legs. Her red curly hair was flowing down on her shoulders looking like she had forgotten to brush it that morning. She was looking at her walls with tired blue eyes. She felt bad, completely useless. Just like she had felt for a long time now. It seemed to her that it all would have been so much better if she wasn’t there; everyone would have been so much happier. All she seemed to be capable of was making herself, and everyone around her, miserable. There was nothing she wanted to do, she just felt like hiding in the closet for the rest of her life. She hadn’t eaten all day and it was already late afternoon. The amount of weight she had lost since Christmas was huge, more than she had gained within the past three years. For some reason she just didn’t feel hunger anymore. When she stood up she felt dizzy, which also was one of the factors contributing to her unwillingness to stand up. It wasn’t that she had nothing to do, in fact there were many things she could have done, but none of them seemed worth standing up for. She lay down on the floor of her room and the song, which had just started, distracted her from her thoughts. It was some song she had heard the day before, but she had no idea who owned the voice she was hearing. It was a bright and clear voice of a young singer. The words weren’t really clear and she couldn’t figure out what the voice was singing about. She could catch a word here and there, but couldn’t make sense of the song as a whole. Still it made her stand up and turn the volume louder. She had never heard music quite like this. It was an upbeat song so unfitting in the middle of the era of alternative pop music. She couldn’t understand the words and the chorus said nothing. But it was a nice happy song that caught her mind. After it ended a voice in the radio said, “There we heard the debut single, Mmmbop, of three brothers from Oklahoma who call themselves Hanson!”
Oh, I have never heard of them before. This single, I could really buy it.

*the day after*
     Sarah and Cat were sitting in Cat’s room after school. Cat was Sarah’s best friend. They seemed like an unlikely couple. Sarah was a person easy to be noticed with her flaming red hair and extraordinary sense of fashion. In other words, she was hardly ever seen in the latest styles but quite frequently in outfits from other decades. She especially liked clothes from the fifties to the eighties, but still managed to make them seem fresh. Cat, on the other hand, had brown hair and brow eyes with a hazel tone. She didn’t care much about what she wore as long as it was comfortable and didn’t look like something her mother would wear.
     Nevertheless, these two girls spent most of their time together, fooling around, talking about boys, or in a serious conversation. This afternoon they were talking about running away and leaving everything behind. Sarah was really fascinated with the idea of just going away and starting her whole life all over again in a place where nobody would know her. No one would have any prejudices or expectations. No one could know what she was like and she could be whoever she wanted to be.
     “I just don’t want to be me. I wish I could be someone else just for a while.”
     Cat wasn’t as excited, but she promised Sarah she’d come with her if she decided to run away.
     “Just to take care of you,” Cat said.
     “I can take care of myself.”
      “No, I’m kidding. It’s just that I simply couldn’t stay here while you’d be out there, getting yourself killed. I’d do it for entirely selfish reasons. I couldn’t go on, if I didn’t have you around somewhere.”
     Sarah sighed, “That’s not true. You don’t really need me. But what can I say … I mean, of course I want to hear you say that, I’m just having a hard time believing that anyone could feel that way about me.”
     “I do though,” Cat said.
     “Can you turn on the radio?” Cat went over to her stereo and turned the radio on. Some song was just getting to its end and as the next song’s first few notes were in the air, Sarah jumped on to her feet.
     “My God, this is the song! I told you about it at school, have you heard it, it’s great!”
     Cat looked stunned. Something had happened to Sarah. She smiled and jumped up and down around the room. Her eyes were smiling and there was a sense of green in them. That hadn’t happened in a really long time. She hadn’t really smiled in months. And there she was, smiling and laughing just because of this song she had heard on the radio. Cat had forgotten what Sarah’s smile was like. She was one of those people who could make others feel good just by being there with that smile on her face.
     “No, I haven’t heard this, but I already know that I like it,” Cat responded to Sarah, “Who is it?”
     “Some guys called Hanson. I think there were three of them, but I’m really not that sure,” Sarah told her, “Actually, at first I thought the singer was a girl, but then the guy on the radio said they were brothers.”
     When the song reached its end, Sarah asked Cat, “Don’t you just love them?”
     Cat smiled at her and said, “I do. For the fact that they made you smile. THANK YOU HANSON! I really love you guys for releasing this song!”
     The door opened and Cat’s little sister came into the room. She looked like a miniature Cat with her dark hair ands eyes.
     “Laura, how many times do I have to tell you to knock before entering my room? Especially when I have a friend over,” Cat said to her sister with a very condescending tone in her voice.
     “I forgot. Sorry. What are you screaming about in here?” Laura asked.
     “Oh, you wouldn’t know... Do you like Hanson?” Cat winked at Sarah as she was talking to Laura. Cat always tried to embarrass Laura any way she could.
     “No, I like Jewel. I’ve never heard of what-was-it-Hanson. They’re not cool,” Laura said.
     “Oh, they are, wicked cool,” Sarah said and both Sarah and Cat laughed.
     “You have to listen to the radio more often and more carefully,” Cat said.
     “Why? I don’t like Hanson,” Laura said. The conversation had started to irritate her.
     “You will. You’re gonna hear so much about them in the future,“ Cat assured her.
     “No I won’t.”
     “Wanna bet?” Cat smiled.
     “You’re being unfair. I don’t know who Hanson is.” Laura punched Cat on the arm.
     “Hey, I’m going to buy their single as soon as possible, I’ll let you listen to it then and you’ll know what we’re talking about, okay?” Sarah said. Any kind of fighting was not good, and in her opinion Laura was a smart kid.
     “Okay.” Laura smiled. “Not that I care or anything.”
     “You can leave now,” Cat said being intentionally rude.
     “I’m going! Sarah, did you bring me the Jewel and No Doubt posters you promised me?”
     “I’ll bring them, dear. I just don’t have them with me right now.”
     Laura stuck her tongue out at Cat and left the room leaving the door open. Cat stood up to shut it. “She does her best to annoy me,” she said.
     “She’s a smart kid. She knows how to be seen. And heard. How old is she now?” Sarah said.
     “She’s twelve, going on thirteen.”
     “I wasn’t that smart when I was twelve; I used to be so shy and quiet. Wow.”
     “So what is it in this song? It really made a big change in you.” Cat changed the subject. What she had seen just ten minutes ago still puzzled her.
     Sarah looked around the room while thinking before answering Cat’s question. “It’s just that when I hear this song I feel love bubbling from deep inside of me. I feel I can believe in life. I mean it almost makes me believe in myself too.”

*A couple of weeks later*
     Sarah was walking home from school with Cat. The sun was shining and there was a sense of summer in the air. Most of the trees had leaves coming out and the grass was bright green. Sarah smiled, as she quietly sang “Mmmbop” while they walked.
     Cat smiled too, “You haven’t been the same lately.”
     “Really?”
     “I mean, you are more like you used to be when I first met you; you’re not sad anymore. You haven’t been talking about running away or anything about the cliff at all in, let me see, three weeks. Before you spoke about those things many times a day.”
     “Yeah, I know. This song…” Sarah paused, “I really can’t understand how a song can affect me so strongly. This song has given me a brand new idea, an idea that I could be free some other way. Not only by jumping off some cliff, but there are other ways to set oneself free,” Sarah said. They were both silent for a while, and then Sarah started talking again.
     “I don’t mean that I’m free now, and I don’t mean that I’ve found the other way. I’ve just got new hope. And there is this certain hope that someday I could really be happy,” she said.
     “When there’s life, there’s hope!” Cat quoted. Sarah shook her head.
     “I’d say it otherwise. When there is hope, there is life.” That was really the way she thought, but she laughed as she talked. She wasn’t used to feeling so good. “Sing with me, you know the words!”

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all the pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast
Oh yeah, and they’re gone so fast

So hold on to the ones you really care
In the end they’ll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Mmmbop ba duba dop
ba du bop ba duba dop
ba du bop ba duba dop
ba du, yeah
 
 
 

A few days later*
     Sarah woke up to the sound of her alarm clock as the first rays of the sun started sneaking into her bedroom. Slowly she got up and opened the door of her closet. She pulled out a pair of red corduroy pants and a green T-shirt. Wearing contrasting colors was one of her favorite things in dressing up. She could hear her mom and dad talking in the kitchen, Mom making breakfast, Dad getting ready for work. Mom had generally more time in the morning than Dad; she didn’t have to be at work until 9 o’clock, Dad had to leave at 7 already. When he wasn’t out of town that is. Sarah brushed her hair and put it on pigtails before she made her bed.
     She was humming “Mmmbop” as she went into the kitchen.
     “Good morning Sarah,” her mother said, “I can hear you are in a good mood!” Sarah mom looked a lot like her daughter, only a bit older. In some pictures of her as a young girl, she looked so much like Sarah that it was hard to tell them a part. The only difference was that Sarah had blue eyes and her mother’s were green.
     “Morning dear,” her dad said. He, on the other hand, had blond hair, even though most of it was already gone. He had a cheerful face with a blond bush of hair right below his nose. He would have looked rather French had he combed his moustache to the sides. The blue eyes Sarah had gotten from her father.
     Sarah stopped humming and replied to them, “Morning Mom and Dad! Isn’t it going to be a beautiful day!” She took a bowl from the cupboard and filled it with cereals and milk.
     “Really beautiful, that’s true,” Dad said, “but now I must go to work. I’ll see you both in the evening. Bye ladies!” He went to the door, grabbed his briefcase and left.
     “Mom, did you see that music video yesterday,” Sarah asked, “Aren’t they just so adorable? They look like the happiest people I’ve ever seen!”
     “Which video?” Mom looked puzzled, “Oh, now I remember. It looked like a fun video. What was their name again?”
     “It’s Hanson,” Sarah said and started eating her breakfast.
She stopped before she got the second spoonful into her mouth and just sat still for a while. Then she said, “Mom, can we go to Tulsa?”
Mom looked surprised, “Tulsa? But… well, it is a beautiful city. I used to spend all my Christmas breaks there at my grandma’s before she died. I still don’t understand why we should go there. There are many other places here in the States that are much more interesting.”
Sarah sighed, “Mom. Tulsa is the most interesting place I can think of at the moment. Besides, Hanson lives there…”
     Mom laughed. “Oh, I see. You want to go there to find out if those boys really exist.”
Sarah smiled too but she said, “I am serious. Can we go to Tulsa?”
     “Well, not right now, but maybe someday.” Mom said.
     Sarah finished her breakfast and left for school.
 
 

     “Mom, it’s been a while since we did this the last time,” Sarah said as they finished their Burger King (R) meals. “We haven’t done anything together in a long time.”
     “I know honey,” Mom said, “My job has done a good job keeping me busy.”
     “I know,” Sarah said, “I wish it wasn’t as efficient at it.”
     “Hey, I’m sure my new job there in Tulsa will be better.”
     “Yeah.”
     “I’ll make sure I have more time for you.”
     “Thanks Mom, I really appreciate it.”
 
 

     “See, Sarah, we’re as good as two men!” Mom said as they put down the living room couch. It was the last piece of furniture to be brought inside.
     “Yup, that we are,” Sarah said, “Mind if I go take care of my room?”
     “Go ahead. I’ll start arranging the books into the bookshelf.”
     Sarah ran upstairs and opened all the cardboard boxes she had in her room. Her bed, couch and desk were all in place already, so she started unpacking her clothing and putting them into the closet. It was quite a bit larger than the one she used to have, so by the time she had all her clothes in it, she could still see the back wall. She took out a poster she had thought of putting up on her wall, but hadn’t got the chance to do it. She unrolled it and looked at it. It was identical to the cover of the “Mmmbop” single, only at least ten times larger. She posted it on the back wall of her closet. This way I can see them whenever I want to. She didn’t like having people constantly staring at her from the walls. Privacy.
     The final touch was to put the framed picture of herself with Cat and Jo on her nightstand and then she had finished recreating her room.
     “Mom! I’m done with my room. Can I call Cat, like, really shortly?” Sarah yelled to her mom who was still downstairs.
     “Yeah, you can, if the phones are working,” Mom said, “After that can you come down to help me?”
     “Sure.”

     “Hello,” Cat answered the phone.
     “Hello my dear!”
     “Hi! How is it, the house?”
      “Our house is great and extremely pretty. I have a big room upstairs with a view to the driveway. That means that I will see who’s at the door when they ring the doorbell. When I’m waiting for someone, I can look out the window and I’ll know they’re here before they even ring the doorbell. Great, isn’t it?”
     “Sounds good to me. So, how are you?”
     “All right. I haven’t really realized that I’m actually living here now, but don’t worry, I’ll get there. It always takes me a while to realize stuff like this, I guess.”
     “That’s all right. No one’s asking you to adapt all instantly and stuff, you know?”
     “Yeah, I know. But guess what?”
     “What?”
     “I have the pic of you, me and Jo on my night table.”
    “Cool.”
     “Hey, I’m really sorry, but I have to go now, because it’s not a local call anymore, but I’ll write you a letter, okay?”
     “Okay.”
 
 

     Sarah had fallen asleep on her love seat while she was listening to the radio. She was still sleeping as she heard someone knocking on her door.
     She heard her mom say, “Sarah it’s for you, the phone!” She was wide-awake.
She opened the door and took the phone; she was exited. She knew exactly who was calling. She hadn’t had the chance to give her friends her new phone number yet.
     “Hello!”
     “Hi Sarah, it’s me Isaac.”
     “I could have guessed that. No one else knows the number yet, other than the people from my mom’s work and they would probably not ask for me.”
     “How long have you been here then?” Isaac asked.
     “Only a week.” Sarah said.
     “Oh, right… yeah, the party. It’s on Saturday, not this, but the next one, starting at three o’clock” Isaac gave Sarah the address and the directions to the house. Sarah wrote it all down, so she could not forget it and she’d have proof it wasn’t a dream.
     “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to ask… Can you come?” he remembered
     “Yeah we can. I made my mom say ‘yes’,” Sarah said.
     “That’s great. At first when you come, I’ll introduce you to my brothers, Tay and Zac, and then to everyone else at the party. I figured out that if you knew me already, you probably know my brothers too. So it’s only fair to let them know you.”
     “Okay,” Sarah laughed, “Sounds perfect to me.”
     “So, I’ll see you there,” Isaac said.
     “At the party,” Sarah replied and hung up the phone. “YAY!” she yelled. She hadn’t been this happy in a long time.
 
 

Have you ever stood outside a picket fence?
You see through
But you can’t get to the inside

     I have, all my life, Sarah thought as she listened to their voices with her eyes closed. But maybe I am finally getting to the other side after all. She absorbed every single sound inside of her head.

You sit there and wait
I look at you and anticipate
What we could be and what we could do
Fly the wings of an eagle
Glide along with the wind
No matter how high
I’ll be thinking of you the whole time…

His voice sounded lower than it had on her Mmmbop single, but still as clear and beautiful. She noticed every minor detail in their performance including their facial expressions and the movement of their fingers and arms. Not a single thing was left unnoticed by her.
     Before she knew it, she heard Isaac’s voice saying, “Okay, now it’s time for our last song, and we hope you’ve all heard it!” As they played the first notes, Sarah felt like her world was turning upside down. This was the song she loved with all her heart. She listened to every single sound she could hear and she floated in the music. It was as if she had been swallowed by the sound of their voices.
     After the boys had finished singing Sarah just sat still on the ground. She had trouble holding back her tears. She felt good. Everybody had been so nice to her. The grass around her was so incredibly green, the sun was shining and here she was, living out her dream.
     All the other people were talking about the boys and asking them questions. Everyone was telling them how good they were. Sarah didn’t really hear all the things that were said around her, but if she had heard, she would have agreed with everything that was said. But her world was full even without the people’s comments; she knew it all. She sat on the grass all alone, as there would have been an invisible glass wall between her and the rest of the world. People didn’t even seem to notice she was there, they were all so excited about the boys. Even Sarah’s mom took her chance to chat with them.
     Suddenly Sarah returned to the Earth from where ever she had just been, as Isaac sat down on the ground next to her.
     “How did you like it?” he asked.
     Sarah opened her mouth to answer but before she could say anything tears started falling from her eyes. “You are amazing. You all have such beautiful voices,” She whispered through her tears.
     Sarah covered her face with her hands and cried. She felt Isaac’s arm on her shoulders and heard him say, “Hey, don’t cry. Everything is just fine.” His voice sounded a little concerned.
     “I know. Everything is so perfect I can’t really believe it’s true…” Sarah said still whispering. She took a deep breath and let the sun shine on her face again.
     “Come, let’s go,” Isaac said, “You haven’t been introduced to Tay and Zac yet!”
Sarah wiped away her tears and stood up. She smiled and said, “Someday I will tell you how much you guys really mean to me.”
     Isaac looked confused, “But we have only known each other for a week now and my brothers you’ve never talked to. How can we mean so much to you?”
     Sarah shook her head with a smile on her face and said, “You don’t know. You wrote “Mmmbop”, you sang it and I heard it. It’s the biggest thing happened to me.”
     “Right… I’ll be waiting for further explanation, don’t forget.” he said.
     Sarah laughed, “I won’t. You just have to wait till I know you better, but I won’t forget. Weren’t we going somewhere?”

     “You didn’t come at three o’clock, I couldn’t introduce you to people before we sang,” Isaac said.
     “Yeah, that’s true. We couldn’t come sooner; my mom had something till three and we left the second she came home,” Sarah said. She wished they could have come earlier, but this was fine too.
     “That’s okay. So here we are.” Isaac said, “Hey guys!”
     Taylor and Zachary were coming back outside from taking their instruments inside and now stepped out the door to the backyard.
     “Freeze, right there!” Isaac said.
     Zac “froze” at once, with the other one of his legs still in the air and stayed still until Isaac laughed and said, “Okay, that’s enough, funny-guy.”
     Taylor looked at Sarah as his brothers kept fooling around. He had seen her for the first time today, sitting on the grass as they were playing, but he didn’t know who she was. Sarah felt like she was asleep; it was weird to see him now in person. She had spent a lot of time looking at him on the cover of their single while listening to it, but now she was standing just five feet away from him and he was looking at her too. Taylor started to smile just a little and Sarah smiled back.
     “Hi, I’m Taylor!” he said. He was smiling shyly, like he wasn’t comfortable talking to people he didn’t know.
     “I kind of already knew your name, so it wasn’t really necessary to tell me, but that’s all right,” she laughed, “I’m Sarah.” Taylor seemed relieved to realize that the girl wasn’t uncomfortable talking to him. It always made things so much worse if the other person was shy too.
     “So you’re the girl from Colorado, huh?” he asked.
     “I am. Or I used to be. Now I’m here.”
     “Yeah, I can see that. How do you like it here?”
     “Meaning Tulsa or your party?”
     “Either one and both. Whichever.”
     “I don’t think I’ve seen enough of Tulsa to lay my judgement on it, but I’m definitely enjoying your party.”
     “That’s good. You will like Tulsa too, when you get to know it better.”
     “It’s rather boring getting to know a town all alone.”
     “Yeah, I know.”
     “Would you mind giving me a Tulsa sightseeing tour?”
     “No, not at all. In fact it would be really cool.”
     “Great. Tulsa seems nicer already,” Sarah smiled.
     Isaac had been listening to them talk and then cut in, “You two seem to get along pretty well.”
     They both turned to Isaac, Taylor with a funny expression on his face. He looked like he could have said something evil to his big brother if Zac hadn’t jumped on his face right after they turned to Isaac. Isaac seemed surprised to see Taylor like that. He knew that Taylor was shy, but he had never gotten that upset from a little teasing.
     “Big bro, who’s your friend?” Zac asked, waiting for either one of his brothers to answer him.
     “Hey Zac, haven’t seen you in a long time! This is Sarah, she just moved here,” Taylor said.
     “Hi!” Sarah said.
     “Hello! Just call me Zac.”
     “Okay, sure.”
     “Sarah, you wanna meet some other people now that you know my brothers?” Isaac asked her.
     “Sure. Any other kids in your family?” she asked.
     “Yeah, we’ve got Jessica, Avery and little Mackie; they’re in the playroom with their little friends right now.”
     “Wow, so many of you. I’m an only child…” Sarah said. She had always wished for an older brother or sister, someone to talk to about some stuff that bothered her.
     “How old are you? I’m gonna be twelve next fall,” Zac said.
     “Hehe, I won; I’m gonna be fifteen in three weeks,” Sarah said.
     “Oh, I thought you’d be my age…” Taylor said.
     Sarah smiled, “Well, what is your age?”
     “I turned fourteen a couple of months ago.”
     “It’s only one year. Less than a year, actually. The same generation, that’s all that counts.” Sarah smiled.
     Isaac led them into the basement where they found a group of about ten teenagers. They all greeted the boys after which they looked at Sarah curiously. Isaac took the process of introduction into his hands and soon they knew her name, her previous location and the length of time she had been in Oklahoma. Sarah, on the other hand, tried hard to remember all the new names she had just learned and connect them to the faces they belonged to. After a while she was confused and hardly knew who was who.

     “Quite few people to meet at once, don’t you think?” Taylor asked as he sat down next to Sarah. She had been sitting on a couch in the corner, feeling just a little excluded. Taylor had thought she looked lonely and decided to use his chance to talk to her. As shy as he was, even that took a lot of courage. He was relieved to find that his company was more than welcome.
     “Yea, but I do really appreciate that you guys are doing this.”
     “Doing what?” Taylor raised one eyebrow.
     “Introducing me to all these people. Now I’ll actually know a few people before schools start again,” Sarah said, “How many of you guys live in the same school district as I do?”
     “Most of them do,” Taylor said, “See that girl and those two guys?” He pointed at a group of three talking to each other at the other end of the room. “They are the only ones who don’t live around here.”
     “What about you guys? You said ‘them’.” Sarah noticed.
     “Oh, we’re home-schooled.”
     “Really? That’s cool,” Sarah smiled, “I would like you to be in school with me though.” She noticed a slight redness rising on his cheeks. She felt like it was the time to change the subject.
     “What kind of stuff do you do, besides the band?” she asked.
     “I don’t know… a lot of stuff,” he said, “Rollerblading.”
     “That’s cool. I got my first blades a year ago. I pretty much suck, to tell you the truth.” She smiled.
     “I’m sure you’ll get better the more you do it.”
     “Yea,” Sarah said. Maybe you could teach me.
     “What do you like to do?” Taylor asked.
     “I like writing,” Sarah said, “and singing.”
     “What sort of stuff do you write?”
     “Poems and stories,” Sarah said, “I think more clearly when I write.”
     “Yea, it’s funny how that is.” Taylor said, “I’ve written a few poems myself. Once I wasn’t even thinking of writing one and I started writing some really random stuff on a piece of paper. It turned out to be one of the best poems I’ve written.”
     “That’s cool. I do that a lot.”
     “It didn’t rhyme, though…”
     “Oh, mine never do,” Sarah said, “only when I write songs.”
     “You write songs?” Taylor said, now raising both of his eyebrows.
     “Yea. I’ve written a few.”
     “That is so cool!” Taylor said with new enthusiasm. Immediately Sarah became a very respectable person in his eyes.

     Sarah had a wide smile on her face as she and her mom were saying their good-byes to Mrs. Hanson.
     “Thank you so much for having us here,” Sarah’s mother, Joanne, said.
     “My pleasure. It’s always nice to meet new people,” Diana Hanson said, “You have to come again soon.”
     “That would be great. You have to visit us too sometime,” Joanne said.
     “Certainly.”
     “Well, thanks again, we had a great time,” Joanne said.
     “Yeah, thanks Mrs. Hanson, and goodnight!” Sarah said.

     “Oh Mom, I’m so happy!” Sarah sighed as they were driving away.
     “I can see that dear”
     “I love them all, Ike, Tay and Zac. Taylor isn’t at all what I imagined him to be like. He is so much nicer than I ever could have imagined,” Sarah kept going.
     “Well that’s great. I met some nice people too.”
     “Can you imagine? They are my friends! And they are totally great. They’re really cool. They don’t have a slightest thought of being better than others.”
     “Diana and Walker have raised them well.”
     “They sure have.”
     “I invited some people over to our house,” Joanne said.
     “When? Next weekend?”
     “Yes, next Saturday.”
     “Hey Mom, guess what!”
     “What?”
     “They gave me the CD, Middle of Nowhere!”
     “They did? That’s really nice of them.”
     “So now you don’t have to buy it for me,” Sarah smiled.
     “Okay, we’re home.”
     “Mom, will it bother you if I listen to the CD before I go to bed?”
     “If you listen with your headphones, I won’t even hear it.”
     “Okay.”

     Sarah sat down on her bed and put the CD in the player. She let the music flow through her head and completely clear it from other thoughts. She felt hysterical. She couldn’t control her body and her hands were shaking. Everything had happened today; there was nothing more that could have happened. It was hard to believe that so many good things could fit in just one normal day. Or maybe that was the point. The day was far beyond normal. She closed her eyes and listened to every word as closely as she could. She drifted away with the music. She didn’t feel sleepy at all; she could have stayed up the whole night, finally listening to the music she had been waiting to hear for some time already.
 
 

     “Hi Mom, I’m home!” Sarah yelled as she stepped in through the door.
     “Hello dear.“ Mom said, coming out of the kitchen, “Guess what.” Joanne had a wide smile on her face; she is going to be so happy.
     “What is it Mom?” Sarah asked.
     “I got a phone call today. Catherine and Laura are going to come here a couple of days before your birthday!”
     “Great!” Sarah yelled, “Mom, can I have a party?”
     “It depends…”
     “On what?”
     “How many people would you invite?”
     “The Hansons -the whole bunch of them- and some kids that I met at their party.”
     “Well, that sounds reasonable.”
     “You know Mom, I am a very reasonable person,” Sarah was kidding, “and very realistic too.”
     Joanne laughed, “Sure you are. I know that.”
     “Oh yeah, we could invite some of your new friends too!” Sarah remembered.
     Joanne smiled, “That would be nice.”
     Sarah smiled. Cat is coming here. It’s gonna be so great. Hmmm… I’m not gonna tell Laura I know the Hansons, I want it to be a big surprise. I have to ask Cat to keep her mouth shut too…
     “Sarah, did I mention that I was wondering if you could bake something while I’m at work tomorrow, since the Johnsons are coming over on the day after, on Saturday.”
     “Oh, but…” Sarah started, I really wanted to go to the tree again, “Sure Mom, I’ll do it.” I wonder if I’m ever going to see that boy, Thomas, again…
     “Could you vacuum clean too?”
     “Yeah, no problem.”
     Sarah went up into her room and lay down on her bed. She had a framed picture of herself, Jo, and Cat on a table right next to her bed. She turned on her side so that she was able to look at it and smiled. She would have the best birthday party she had ever had. But she wanted Thomas to be there too. He had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, bright and deep blue. But it wasn’t the color that really impressed her. It was the expression in his eyes, on his entire face, that made her heart skip a beat. There was something so peaceful and so beautiful in that expression, something that made him seem sure about life, about the beauty of it and the basic goodness, in which Sarah had once lost her faith in. She had felt so comfortable sitting there in the tree next to him. But now, I’m never going to see him again.
 
 

RING!
     “Hello.”
     “Hey, Sarah that you?”
     “Yeah, me here. You there Ike?”
     “Gotcha! About the movie tonight…”
     “I’m definitely coming! …Okay, go on.”
     “I get to use the car, so if it’s okay, I’ll pick you up at six.”
     “Yeah, that’s good. You still don’t know what we are going to see, do you?”
     “No, not really… but we were thinking about ‘Batman and Robin’ maybe.”
     “Fine with me, anything goes.”
     “Good. We’ll be there at six.”
     “See you then.”
     “Yeah, bye.”
     “Bye.”
     What should I wear…? It doesn’t really matter, but I don’t want to look normal today…
Sarah put on her favorite red flare pants and a shirt that used to belong to her mom. Her mom had gotten it from Romania in the seventies. She put the Carpenters CD in the CD player and sang along

After long, enough of being alone
Everyone must face their share of loneliness
In my own time, nobody knew
The pain I was going through
Waiting was all my heart could do

Hope was all I had until you came
Maybe you can’t see how much you mean to me
You were the dawn breaking the night
The promise of morning light
Filling the world surrounding me

      Suddenly Sarah stopped. It was so clear; Hanson was the dawn breaking the night, breaking the dark wall that had been surrounding her. Without them the wall might still be there, unmoved, unbroken, leaving the sunshine out and her inside. But the dawn broke the night and sun shone again. Tears were about to fall from her eyes as she thought what it would be like if the wall still were there.
     “Sarah, honey, Isaac is here!” her mom called from downstairs.
     “Okay Mom, I’ll be right down!”
I’m not going to look like this. Everything is fine, I will smile.
She took her white sunglasses and went downstairs.
     “Hey Mom! I’ll be back sometime, after the movie. I’m sure Isaac will take me home too”
     “Okay, have fun!”
     “I sure will.” Sarah grinned.
She went out the door and found Isaac next to the car; Taylor was in the car.
     “Nice little hippie girl we have,” Isaac laughed.
     “Hey, peace and love man! There’s nothing wrong in being a flower child.”
     “Are you sure you are in the right decade?”
     “Why, but is this not the 60s?”
Taylor reached out the car window “Okay guys, can we go now?”
Sarah leaned closer to Isaac “Is something bothering him?” What a faker I am. I know exactly what’s bothering him and it’s all my fault too. She turned to Taylor and gave him a comforting smile. Please, try to understand…
     “Nothing big, I think. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine,” Isaac said.

     “Whoa! This movie theater is huge!” Sarah sighed.
     “There is an even bigger one half-an-hour drive further,” Isaac said.
     “This is big enough for me,” Sarah laughed.
They walked inside to look up a movie.
     “What if we just go in and see Batman and Robin?” Taylor asked.
     “Fine with me,” Sarah said, “I’ve always liked Batman. I liked Batman Forever best.”
     “I don’t think this one is as good, or that’s what I’ve heard,” Isaac said, “But no one has hated it so far. That’s a good sign.”
     “Okay then, we’ll see it,” Taylor said, “Three to, umm, Batman and Robin, please.”
     “Here you go,” the ticket person said, “Have a nice day.”
     They walked in and Isaac checked his wallet. “You guys want popcorn and stuff?”
     “Sure!” Taylor and Sarah said at the same time.
     “Okay, I’ll go get popcorn,” Isaac said and left.
     “Will you guys wait for me while I go to the bathroom?” Sarah asked when he came back.
     “Sure, we’ll be right here.” Taylor replied. Sarah turned around and took the direction of the ladies room. Isaac and Taylor found an available bench and sat down. They started talking about the movie and eating popcorn.
     “Hey guys!” said a voice.
     “Thomas! Hey man, what’s up?” Taylor asked.
     “I’m here to see Batman and Robin. That’s all for now.” Thomas replied.
     “You are? That’s great, so are we!” Isaac said.
While they were talking Sarah had quietly returned and joined the conversation, “Will you not eat all that popcorn!”
     “Oh, welcome back!” Taylor said.
     “Sarah, Thomas; Thomas, Sarah.” Isaac introduced them.
Sarah turned to Thomas; there he was, the nice guy she had met a few days ago, smiling at her.
     “Oh, I know Thomas; we were sitting in the same tree just the other day!” she said.
Isaac and Taylor looked confused, they glanced at each other and Isaac asked, “What was that all about?”
     “Just what she said, she was sitting in a tree, I joined her, so we were sitting in the same tree. It’s that simple.” Thomas laughed.
     “Right… I do that too, quite frequently. Don’t you?” Taylor said to Isaac.
     “Sure I do. Remember, we were sitting in the same tree just the other day,” Isaac said with a faked serious face.
     “Look at the time, movie’s starting!” Thomas suddenly noticed.
     “Are you seeing the same one as we are?” Sarah asked.
     “Yeah I am. May I sit next to you?” Thomas asked.
     “Sure you can. There’s no way I could stop you, now is there?” Sarah said smiling.

     The movie previews had already started as they came in. The place was almost full, but somehow they managed to find seats for all four of them. On Sarah’s left side sat Thomas, on her right Taylor and still on his right, Isaac. Right when the movie began, Thomas found Sarah’s hand and the two of them held hands throughout the whole movie.
     After the movie Taylor slowed Sarah down and let Thomas and Isaac get ahead of them. Sarah looked at Taylor asking what’s going on.
     “Nothing serious, don’t worry!” Taylor smiled, “I just think I know something you don’t think I know.”
     “And that is?” Sarah asked. She had no idea what he was talking about.
     “You like Thomas, don’t you?” Taylor asked.
     Sarah blushed, “I guess you know me pretty well then… or else it’s really obvious.”
     “It’s not obvious. I told you not to worry,” Taylor said.
     “But how do you know?”
     “I can tell. It’s this special look in your eyes.”
     “Hey guys, are you coming?” Isaac yelled to them.
     “Yeah, we’re almost there!” Taylor yelled back. He turned to Sarah and whispered, “You know what? I think he likes you too.”
     “I wouldn’t be so sure…”
     “I’ve known him way longer than you have.”
     “You’re the coolest, Tay, you know that?”

     I should have known it, Taylor thought, she’s far too nice to ever like me. But somehow I feel like I don’t even care. It’s just that I’m so happy to see Sarah happy that I forget to feel bad for myself. I guess it never was a crush I had for her, but a feeling of a brother-sister kind of a bond. I’m not sad because she doesn’t like me in that way. I don’t need her to. She is a great friend and that’s the way I want her to be for as long as possible. That’s how I love her; as a friend and as a sister. It was rather stupid of me to even think about anything else. He shook his head.
 
 

     “Hey, are you all right?” Sarah heard a voice through the mist, “Answer me girl, are you hurt too?” Sarah tried to answer, but all that came out from her mouth was “Umm…” She managed to get her eyes opened and she saw a man right above her. The world was spinning around and Sarah felt dizzy. She tried to rise, but she fell back down. She felt terrible pain in her arm.
     The man helped her up, “Are you okay?”
     “My arm hurts.” Sarah looked around her, “Where’s Taylor?”

  “Here you go,” the doctor said, “your arm will be just fine in three weeks.”
  “Thanks,” Sarah said, “it doesn’t hurt that much anymore.” She looked down, sure, I’m okay. It’s not me they should be worrying about. She turned to her mother; “Can I go see Taylor now?”
     “Of course you can,” her mom replied, “I was told that he is in a room upstairs.”
     They took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked up to the secretary at the front desk.
     “Did a boy just arrive that was hit by a car?” Sarah’s mom asked the secretary.
     The secretary started going through her files, “His name is…”
     “Taylor!” Sarah said quickly.
     “Taylor What? I can’t find a person for you with a first name only!” the secretary said rudely.
     “Taylor Hanson.” Sarah said and gave the secretary an evil eye, which she knowingly ignored.
     “Oh that boy! He is now in stable condition,” the secretary assured them, “You’ll find him in the room 416.”
     “Thank you!” Sarah’s mom said.
     “No wait! Does that mean that he was in serious condition before?” Sarah wanted to know.
     “You’ll have to ask a nurse. I don’t really know” the secretary replied.
     Sarah and her mom found room 416 easily and they went in. It was a small room with only one bed, a small table and two chairs in it. The floor was gray and all the walls were bright white. On one of the walls there was a window where you could see to the hospital’s parking lot. It smelled like hospitals always smell. Taylor was lying on the hospital bed in the middle of the room. He had an IV needle in his left arm and he was fed oxygen through an oxygen mask. A beeping monitor was monitoring his heart. His mother, Diana, was sitting right next to his bed. She looked tired and concerned. You could see on her face how much she cared for her children. She was just a shadow of her usual self. Diana stood up as she noticed them. “How nice of you to come,” she said.
     Sarah started to cry, “It’s all my fault… If he hadn’t pushed me away, I would be dead by now.”
     “It might have happened anyway. And the best thing is that you are both alive,” Diana comforted her.
     Sarah smiled through her tears; “You are just like him. You always look at things on the sunny side.”
     “Can you tell us what exactly is wrong with him now?” Sarah’s mom asked Diana.
     “Well, he had a really bad concussion, a broken leg and a ruptured spleen,” Diana told them.
     “Spleen? What is that?” Sarah asked.
     “It’s something next to the liver” her mother answered. Sarah felt dizzy again. She sat down on the other chair in the room.
     “Diana, would you come with me to get some coffee?” Sarah’s mom asked. She wanted to help Diana to feel better. Diana gave her a brief smile. “I guess I could use a cup of coffee,” she said, “And Sarah, Thomas will be here soon.”

     Sarah looked at Taylor as their mothers left; he was still unconscious. She started talking to him.
     “You have a kind heart. You’re always there to help others… Now you have saved my life twice.” She took his hand in hers. It felt cold. His face was so pale, almost as white as the pillow on which his head rested. He didn’t move at all. Only his hair was as shiny and golden as always. He looked like he was dead, but the monitor was still beeping. Sarah’s heart was full of fear and tears fell from her eyes. “You can’t die… You are my angel!” she whispered.
     Thomas entered the room. Sarah stood up and hugged him. “How bad is he?” he asked.
     “Look at him. Not too good, he’s got a ruptured spleen…” Sarah sobbed. She couldn’t speak loud; her voice trembled as she spoke.
     “Oh, come here! It’s not your fault! And I’m sure he’s gonna be all right.” They hugged again and Thomas’ shoulder got wet with Sarah’s tears. Thomas could feel that Sarah was shivering. He held her close to him; he wished he could make her feel better. She was always so sensitive and easily broken. Thomas knew that she wanted to feel secure, but he didn’t know how to help her. She leaned on his shoulder and sobbed, “I just don’t know what would happen to me, if there weren’t him anymore. I might not be able to keep the rain from falling on me and my watercolors would be washed away. I would fade away and after a while no one could see me; no one could even remember that once I did exist.”
 
 

*the next day*
     Sarah glanced out the window. The sun was all the way up; it was midday already. She smiled at a bird that was singing on a branch right outside her window. She continued writing the letter she had begun. She was writing to her best friend, Cat, whom she had left back to Colorado. “But do you know, can you even imagine, what does it feel like, when you have thought there are things that cannot be changed, that the wounds in your soul are everlasting, and then one moment you realize that they’re gone; all the bad things have melted away! It’s such a white moment, so pure. It’s like you could start your life all over again. Kind of like rebirth. You can’t imagine, I’m sure. It’s something you have to experience yourself before being able to fully understand it. If somebody had told me about something like it just a couple of weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed. You know what, Catherine. I have learned to trust.“ She sighed and put the letter away. I must be dreaming… things like this don’t really happen. No one can be this happy. Someone knocked on the door.
     Sarah’s mom’ voice said, “There’s someone who wants to see you!”
     “Okay, thanks Mom, let that someone in!”
     The door opened and Thomas peeked behind the door; “May I come in?”
     “Actually you may not,” she said craftily. “…I think I’ll just come out!”
     “Okay, great! Do you feel like eating ice cream? There’s a new ice cream bar in the town, just ten minutes walk from here.”
     “You bet, let’s go!”
 
 

     “Sarah, can I talk to you?”
     “We talk all the time, dear!” Sarah said, “Is something wrong?”
     “Can we talk… somewhere else?”
     “Yeah, sure,” Sarah said, “Hey guys, we’ll be right back!”
     They ran up the stairs to Sarah’s room and slammed the door and sat on the bed.
     “Ohmigod, Cat!” Sarah was shocked. She saw Cat crying and she realized that she hadn’t seen that in a very long time. The only time Sarah had seen Cat cry was when they were moving to Tulsa. Sarah threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. “You don’t have to tell me yet. Just calm down, okay?”
     Cat shook her head, “I’m gonna tell you right now. I don’t even want to calm down.”
     “Anyway you want it, honey, it’s your choice. You’re the one that knows what’s going on.”
     “I… This guy, you remember Mike, don’t you? I’ve known him forever.”
     “Yeah, I remember Mike. You went to elementary school together, didn’t you?”
     “We did. He gave me a letter the day before we left. Obviously he was kind of nervous to see me for a couple of days, after he gave me the letter. You know, that’s why he gave it just when we were coming here.”
     “What did he write?”
     “He said that he loves me,” Cat started to cry again.
     “Oh my god…” Sarah said, “You don’t want him to love you, right?”
     “We had always been good friends, you know, and I don’t think I can act naturally around him anymore…”
     “I know what you mean…”
     “You know what… It had never ever crossed my mind that someone could possibly feel that way about me. Honestly, I never thought that someone could really love me.”
     “You funny girl! Of course someone can love you! You are an amazingly incredible person!”
     “But I don’t feel like one,” Cat said, “I feel like I’m such a bad person because I can’t love him back.”
     “Hey, it’s not your decision. You can’t decide that you’re gonna love someone, it’s your heart that does that, right?”
     “I know… But I still feel like it’s all my fault, you know? Like everything would be better if I wasn’t here to mess things up…”
     “Now you stop talking like that, because you know it’s not true!”
     “I guess I know… I just needed you to tell me so. If I tried to tell it to myself, I just felt like I was lying. It’s so much better when you say it.”
     “Hey, you don’t have to worry about him. I mean, guys don’t really deserve all the attention and the big emotional breakdowns we girls always have over them. It’s just over exaggerating.”
     “Okay…”
     “We’ll have so much fun, now that you’re here, that you’ll forget all about some stupid guys that think they love you. I mean, of course, he really doesn’t because he can’t. He’s not The One, now is he? I mean if he was, you would love him, and you don’t so he’s not the one, right?”
     “You totally lost me somewhere in the middle, but you have to be right.” Cat smiled.
     “I thought you’d agree on that one,” Sarah grinned, “Anything else on your mind?”
     “Nothing really… How is it going with you and Thomas?”
     “Well… I would say that I’m totally in love,” Sarah said, “Is that enough?”
     “Oh, not enough at all! You’ll get to tell me all the details later on,” Cat laughed, “Hey, was that the doorbell?”
     Sarah looked out the window, “Ooh! I bet it was! You didn’t tell Laura about my new friends, now did you?”
     “Of course not. You told me not to. Why?”
     “They’re here!” Sarah walked to the door and she yelled, “Laura! Could you get the door for me, please? We’ll be right down.”
     “You’re such an evil girl! Poor Laura will just die!”
     “No she won’t, count on me.”

     “Fine, I’ll open the door while you two talk about your stuff,” Laura mumbled as she walked to the door, “How does this thing work? Oh, there we go…” Laura’s mouth dropped open as she saw who was at the door.
     “Hi! Is Sarah here?” Taylor asked.
     “Yeah, she is…” Laura stared at him with her eyes wide open.
     “What’s wrong? Are we early?”
     Isaac walked up to the door; “We’re not early. Actually we are a little late.”
     “Umm…” Laura was too amazed to talk.
     “I don’t think we have met, but I’m guessing that you are Lauren…. No, no, Laura. …Is that right?” Taylor asked.
     “Yeah that’s right,” Laura said. She had almost adapted to the situation, “I didn’t know Sarah knew you guys…”
     “Oh, that’s funny... It’s nice to meet you, I’m Taylor and this is my brother Isaac and the little one coming right up here is Zac and the rest of the family will be a little late ‘cause they went to get something.”
     “It’s nice to meet you too, umm… Why don’t you come on in?”
     Sarah walked down the stairs, “Oh, hi you guys! I see you met my best friend’s little sister. Cool.”
     “Yup, we did,” Isaac said.
     “This is Cat, my best friend.”
     “Hi!” Cat said.
     “Hi! Cool to meet you. We’ve heard a lot about you,” Taylor said.
     “Where’s the cake?” Zac asked. Everyone started laughing. “Come on! Am I the only one that’s hungry?”
     “No, you’re just the only one that’s rude enough to say it out loud” Sarah said, “Laura, what happened to Thomas?”
     “I’m here. I didn’t feel like I needed to be introduced to those people,” Thomas smiled.
     “Ooh, an insult!” Isaac grinned.

     “Hey, who thinks that Cat and Laura need to see some Tulsa?” Sarah asked.
     “I do,” Zac said, “Can I come too?”
     “Of course you can.”
     “I’ll stay,” Isaac said, “that way you don’t have to be bored by me and Thomas talking about sports.”
     “Okay.”
     “I wanna come too,” Taylor said, “Is that okay?”
     “Sure it is. Why don’t you guys take the girls down the street to the ice cream place? I’ll get some things and I’ll be right with you.”
     “Okay, we’ll see you there.”

     Sarah walked out the door and she saw Taylor, Zac, Cat, and Laura waiting for her outside the ice cream place. Sarah started smiling and she felt extremely happy. She spread her arms on her sides like wings and she started running towards them.
     “Taylor! Look at me fly!” She ran like the wind and gave Taylor the biggest hug when she got to them. “Now I know I can fly. You were right. It’s possible. You are the coolest, Tay, you know that?” Taylor smiled. She always said that. She was amazing; she found a reason to be happy in every situation possible. It made him so happy to see Sarah happy.
 
 

*After dinner*
     “We’ll make the bed in the guest room and then we’ll watch TV in my old room, if that’s okay with you,” Sarah said to her dad.
     “I’ll go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Thomas said, “Will you wait here for me?”
     “I will,” Sarah smiled, “Now, Dad, don’t be mean to Thomas. Can’t you see how hard he’s trying to get on your good side?”
     “I’m not being mean to anyone. I just don’t know him yet.”
     “You will. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met. Don’t you trust my judgement? Don’t you know how great a guy has to be to live up to my criteria?”
     “I know, dear, but you see, it’s hard for me that I’m not the only man in the house anymore.”
     “I know, Dad, and it’s okay. Just try,” Sarah said, “I wouldn’t go out with just any guy, now would I?”
     “Thomas came out of the bathroom and Sarah raced him up the stairs. They made the guest bed and went into Sarah’s old room, which now served as another guestroom. They turned the TV on. Thomas put his arm around her and they lay on the bed side by side.
     “You smell good,” Sarah said.
     “Don’t I always?”
     “Yes you do. But today you smell even better. I fought for you,” Sarah sighed, “That makes you even more special. I’ve never really done that before, risen against my parents.”
     “So who’s the one that’s special here?”
     “You are!”
     “Nope. It’s you,” Thomas said and turned to Sarah, “You’re still my baby girl aren’t you?”
     “Yeah, but not my dad’s.”
     “I know… Hey princess, can I be your frog?”
     “What? What are you talking about?”
     “Pop quiz, Keanu Reeves, what does a princess do to a frog?”
     “I know where you’re at. Want me to show you?” Sarah laughed.
     “Mmmm…” Thomas grinned.
     Sarah reached over to Thomas and slowly let her lips touch his. Thomas ran his fingers through Sarah’s hair and then gently touched her cheek and her neck. Sarah pulled away. She looked at Thomas and shook her head.
     “No use. You’re still a frog.”
     “Ribbit-ribbit,” Thomas made his frog sound.
     “Just kidding,” Sarah said, “You are my prince.”
     “Will you grow up with me to be my king and rule the kingdom together with me?”
     “I will,” Thomas said lifting Sarah chin with his hand, “Come back here.”
     They kissed again, but this time it took longer. Sarah opened her eyes in the middle of their kiss and watched Thomas. With his eyes closed and so near he looked like an angel. He opened his eyes too and suddenly they had to part because they both started laughing hysterically.
     “Ohmigod, that was so funny!” Sarah laughed, “You looked at me cross-eyed.”
     “You were too. That’s what happens when you are looking at something that’s really close.”
     “I know, but it was still really funny.”
     “Why do you think I’m laughing?”
     “You know what sucks?”
     “No, what does?”
     “That we have to sleep in separate rooms.”
     “I know.”
     “First time we’re somewhere together overnight and my dad has to ruin everything.”
     “I’ll be right next door, baby. If you need something, just drop by!”
     “Professional help, huh?”
     Sarah’s dad walked in without knocking on the door. “It’s time to go to bed.”
     “Dad, it’s only 10:30!” Sarah whined.
     “Yes it is, but I’m tired and I want to see you two in separate beds before I can go to sleep.”
     “Whatever,” Sarah sighed, “We won’t die, will we?”
     “No, we’ll be fine,” Thomas said. “Good night Sarah, good night Mr. Sullivan.”
     “Good night Thomas,” Dad said and walked out of the room.
     “Good night baby,” Sarah whispered to Thomas before he left.
     “I’ll be with you in your dre-ee-ee-ee-eams…” Thomas hummed.

     Sarah turned off the lights leaving on only the green small one on the night table next to the bed. She sat on the bed leaning her back against the wall. Why didn’t her dad trust her? Did he really think she would do something like that at this age and in this house while there was a chance of walking into the room at any second?
     Thomas shut the door of the guestroom and walked around the room. He was always moving as he thought. The picture of Sarah’s face as she was yelling at her father, defending Thomas, stayed on his mind. Her dad is being totally over protective, but I kind of understand it. She’s the only child and he doesn’t want to lose her just yet. But he already lost her, in a way, when he and Joanne got divorced. Thomas started taking his clothes off, leaving on only his boxers. He sat on the bed and lay down on his back. So this is where Sarah grew up.
     Sarah stood up and took her silk pajamas from her bag and changed. She brushed her hair and let it fall down on her shoulders. For a change she felt like she was pretty, if not even beautiful. She moved around the room wishing Thomas could be there with her. She heard her father starting to snore. Just what I need right now, nice background sound, like he hasn’t been annoying enough already. Sarah sat down on the bed, but quickly stood back up again. He is snoring. That means he is sleeping and that means he’s obviously not awake…
     Sarah silently opened the door of her old room and sneaked out to the hallway. She heard a door creak and froze against the wall holding her breath. Please don’t be Dad, please don’t be Dad. She heard the snore starting again and sighed from relief.
     “Sarah, are you there?” she heard Thomas whisper. She reached out to him, put her finger against his lips and hushed. She grabbed his hand and led him into her room. She shut the door and said, “This is the room furthest away from the one my dad sleeps in.”
     Thomas pulled her near and they hugged.
     “You’re so smooth,” Thomas said.
     “Honey, it’s not me, it’s the pajama,” Sarah smiled, “I like your stomach. Far nicer than your average Joe’s stomach.”
     “I’m not your average middle-class Joe any way, am I?”
     “Can I have your stomach? I like it so much,” Sarah said smiling and held on tight around his waist. Thomas lifted her up on his arms and put her down on the bed.
     “Gosh! You look like you’re going to do something to me!” Sarah said.
     “Don’t you worry about it. I’m not gonna do anything unless you want me to,” Thomas said as he lay down next to her.
     “Not yet, dear. I’m still a kid in some ways and this is one of them.”
     “That’s okay, I appreciate that. I’m a kid too, you know.”
     “We can be kids together,” Sarah smiled.
     “Can I still kiss you?” Thomas asked.
     “Yeah, you can kiss me. You can touch me, but that’s the furthest we’ll go tonight, if that’s okay with you.”
     “What? I mean, of course it is… Why wouldn’t it be?”
     “I was just thinking, but it appears that you really are the perfect guy for me,” Sarah smiled.
     Thomas rolled on his stomach so that he was half on top of Sarah and they kissed. Other one of his hands touched Sarah’s face and the other found it’s way under her pajama shirt.
     “I like your stomach better than mine. You wanna switch?” Thomas said from the middle of their kiss.
     Sarah reached her hands around his back and hugged him tightly. “You know I love you, don’t you?” Sarah asked after they had finished kissing. “You’re always there for me. But how long? How long are you going to be there?”
     “If it depends on me, I’ll never go.”
     “Don’t say never if you don’t mean it enough to say it twice,” Sarah whispered.
     “I’ll never never go.”
     “I love you,” Sarah said.
     “I love you too.”
     They lay there close together and soon enough they fell asleep.
 
 

     It was a sunny late summer afternoon; one of the last summer days of the year 1997. Soon it would start getting somewhat colder and the leaves would start falling down. A true season of colors was coming with the blowing of the wind. All the different trees would let all their different colored leaves fall and dance with the wind, sometimes wildly and sometimes very calmly, like all those little snowflakes would later on. But this winter would be different. There would be someone to warm her up if she was cold. Someone to drink hot chocolate with in front of a warm fireplace. Arms that would hold her if she needed a shelter, simply a place to feel safe in. Something to look forward to when waking up each morning.