Cheeses are always a good bet! If you
wish to make them love you forever, you should put some cheeses
on a tray and hand it to people.
Pies, pies, pies! Apple, Blueberry,
Banana Cream, Chicken pot, Cherry... Pies come in all flavors
of the rainbow and more. With a pie on your side, you can't go
wrong. Most pies will win guests over, but be sure to keep them
from gettin' stale.
Something home made says more than
store bought treats. If you want my advice (which you do. Boy,
oh, freakin' boy you do. You would be lost without meeeee!) deep-frying
chicken treats or shrimp can't loose. But, mashed pertaters are
also a good bet. Who DOESN'T like potatoes, anyway???
Remember, guests always notice flaws in the silverware arrangement. Make sure to set them up with just the right thangs. If you don't, it could drive all guests away. If this advice is ignored, I want you to shove this fork into your ear and twist it about.
After dinner, you should sit all those worthless meat sacks in front of the tube and make 'em watch it for hours. WARNING!!!! Things you should NOT show are home movies, cartoon movies, or anything without cusses or somethin' good. make sure to fulfill the experience by having some beers on detail. For any lady guests, make sure to leave out a shrimp cocktail and some cigarettes. Also, it is abso-freakin'-loutely important that you fill the entire house with the smell of cheap perfume and cigarettes, to make your guests seem more unnoticeable to unfamiliar fools, such as hogan wagon owners. Charades sucks, so don't try it. In fact, 2 out of 5 charades games ends in divorce.
If any guests coming are bringing kids, make sure to have some Nintendo system hooked up in the basement or a ping pong table or SOMETHING to keep the little bastatrds satisfied. Any other thing to keep the kids out of the room while you try to use words like shit and damn without moral disapproval is good. Or just have them wrestle in the back (or front) yard.
THIS HAS BEEN FUNNY JENKINS HOLIDAY ADVICE!!!!