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You are suitable for general viewing. Try
living a little, and maybe you'll require
parental guidance if you try hard enough.

"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here. http://ydoc.myagora.net/--quizzes I have to clear some things up. First of all, I guess I should say that I read UE-san's DJ entry last night, a while after I wrote that rant. I felt just AWFUL and sent her an apology this morning. I had told myself that I would never rant, but we can both sort of see how that turn out. UE-san's reaction just proves my point: ranting, no matter how coherent, is hurtful. I really DO feel HORRIBLE...and I'm correcting that today, right here, because I feel awful. I hate rants. I was feeling very stressed out. I told UE-san, in the email, that I have experienced what he (she?) experienced through me. I honestly feel very bad that I made someone cry. I guess it's just me in very-defensive mode. I tend to keep my frustrations quiet, but that's probably something unhealthy. I mean, the rant came out of that, right? Now, as far as disapproval goes, it's more like a personal belief thing. I guess I came off as very rude saying that. I didn't mean to. I didn't WANT to hurt anyone. I was frustrated. (But that's hardly an excuse, right?) Like I said, I've read AND reviewed non-het fics. Maybe I just have a little bit more growing to do. After all, I've got LOTS of that to do. As well as self-analysis to do. But what better time to do that than now, when heavy repentance days are coming up? And as for disapproval, I don't disapprove of the person. I don't hate the person. That's more or less what I meant. I'm not someone to judge anyone. But, like I said, I have to grow. All those tensions building up decided to pop out. I'm not going to force my beliefs on people. And I'm probably not making sense anymore. -_-; I just hope I don't come off as someone who gives my fellow Jewish believers and I a bad name. That'd just make it all worse. I am not all of them. I am only one individual who only wants to change for the better, not the worse. So please, PLEASE do not use me as the sole excuse to hate any believers, Christian, Jewish, Catholic, whatever. As I said, I'm just one person. A person who is constantly accusing herself and decided to turn that outward. I am never ranting again. *feels awful* I swear, I feel like crying now. I'm so terribly horrendously sorry I acted like such an idiot. I dream of getting my point across, but it hardly ever comes out, does it. (Note the non-question in that.) I honestly do love UE-san and Kay-san and Rorie-san and Lots-of-other-sans' work. I WISH I could write like that. I just can't stress enough that I'm sorry. I can't stress enough that I feel like an absolute idiot. I can't stress enough that I don't want anyone hating me, because, quite possibly, that's my greatest fear. Solitude. And so, I leave you with a song that expresses my sentiments. Don't give me my freedom out of pity. Unlike back in those days I don't have the confidence to fly very well, so I'll just stay in my birdcage for now. I WANNA FLY AWAY Until the lost blue skies return I'll just keep singing for you (Can you tell why I love that song so much? It's just a snippet, but it gets the point across.) …Thank G-d Yom Kippur is still about a month away so I can clear up messes like this… I've been too emotionally battered to do much of anything lately, except work. Diving head first into what I do has proven to help manage my anger these past few days... However, that's not to say I won't hurt someone if they piss me off.
Or Azuma, if I so much as see him.

But let's ignore the bastard, shall we?
Reading the students' journals has been a wonderful thing. It sort of makes me realize that what I went through isn't half as bad. For example, the Reuben Section Four leader's mother died recently. That is by far a horrible thing. Just like Lymphoma. I've read about it several times, as I've read of many other life-threatening diseases. I honestly believe, though, that it's better this way. If her case was as far gone as I think it was, death would be a restful state for her.

And here I am mad at people that are alive, and that obviously care about me, or, at the very least, take notice of my existence (even though they consider me to be young and naive. But it's better than them not being there... I suppose.)

I wonder what it'd be like if one of my family members died... Or maybe if Mitche or Yukine died. Or maybe if Azuma died. Maybe I'd miss having him constantly waiting for the best way to humiliate me or make me angry.

Like that'd ever happen. Sure as hell I'd miss the Bubbly Ones. But I'm not so sure about the idiot. Just thinking about him makes me want to punch something. But who am I kidding? I have every right in the world to never forgive him. He was the one who screwed everything up! It's his fault I became a mess this week!...I'm not making sense anymore! He has to correct what he did. One way or another, he's going to pay for the anguish he put me through.

Even now, I have every right in the world to never forgive him. He was the one who screwed everything up! It's his fault I became a mess this week!...I'm not making sense anymore! He has to correct what he did. One way or another, he's going to pay for the anguish he put me through.