Please help me urgently as time is getting short. A few of my brothers, sisters, cousins and some friends were taken to a farmer while we were still young. We had a great time playing together in his barn and were so well fed we were getting quite plump. We were not too happy about this but the farmer was very pleased with us.
But quite recently strange things have been happening. A few months ago, a company called Gopo - or something like that - set up a bowling alley in our barn. All kinds of people came to play, men and women, old and young. They kept trying to bowl us - I have no idea why, we did nothing to them, sob! sob! When they did bowl us they were cheered on by the other players.
A few of these people had been bowling a long time and at a certain stage in their efforts they put a picture of me on the wall - just like a wanted poster!!!
Just this week I hear a rumor about the reason the farmer had been feeding us so well. There is a holiday weekend coming up and we have been invited to the celebration dinner. One of my sister's told me - yes we had been invited - but we are the main course!!!!!!!!
Please save me from the dinner table - all the people at Gopo can bowl me - just let me live one more month and I will be very happy. -Mr. T. Urkey
Dear Mr. T. Urkey,
First of all let me say how pleased I was to hear that you had a great time when you were young and that you were very well fed. I have heard of this company Gopo, they set up bowling alleys at farms all over the USA and Canada as well as in Germany, England and Australia! I have spoken to a few players recently and was told that "bowling a turkey" gives them extra points on their score - this is why everyone cheers them. The only people who are not happy are their opponents when they are playing in something called "a tournament".
Players at a certain level of skill put your picture on their wall to remind them that, in other 120 - 240 games they will achieve the ultimate prize - a gold statue of a bowler that they can display with pride to their fellow bowlers.
Now for some sad news - yes a lot of your friends will be invited to dinner towards the end of this month - but this is a celebration and they should be overjoyed that they will be joining in the celebrations.
BUT cheer up - I have it on good authority that you have been spared this time along with some of your friends and relatives - you are not quite plump enough!!!!!!!!!!! You will still be fed well for the next month - but after that I am not sure what will happen. Enjoy your time with your friends and relatives. -MzMoanznGroanz