If only his nose hadn't been so phallic.
If only he wasn't wooden but metallic.
He wouldn't have given wooden girls much pleasure,
but neither would he have been much of a childhood treasure.
He wouldn't have been so bad without proboscis,
his sneeze would not have been quite so atrocious,
he wouldn't have covered all those little kids with mucus,
but neither would his pointy nose still spook us.
The wooden girls would not have cared about his bod,
but since he was so firm, he was their god.
Each morning he would wake up feeling woody,
and then he'd turn and see one, thinking: "Should he?"
If only his nose hadn't been so phallic.
If only he wasn't wooden but metallic.
He wouldn't have given wooden girls much pleasure,
but neither would he have been much of a childhood treasure.