Part I
Breaking up is hard to do, but for him it was so tough
that he'd be choosing children's names while having had enough.
He hated to cause hurt and grief, to cause agony and pain,
but the length to which this went for him was totally insane.
He'd meet her parents and her pets; they'd look at wedding rings;
she'd take him to the store with her to try out matress springs.
Their friends would see them both as one, and greet them in one breath
while he'd be longing for the end, and sometimes for her death.
Instead of ending their romance, he tried to make her do it;
but while he was a painful jerk, she never quite saw through it,
she'd invested all her energy to make their romance last,
she wouldn't let her project slip from her hands so fast.
The last we saw of him and her was in a church's aisle.
Both were dressed up to the tee and both wore a large smile;
her project had then reached its end, so we applauded her,
and when the groom got up to speak, we heard a drunken slur.
Part II
At night she kept him in a cage below the kitchen sink.
This was because he snored too much and because his breath would stink.
At first he'd disagreed with her, but she had overruled
then locked him up into his cage until his temper cooled.
He'd gnash his teeth and snarl at her. He'd bark and yelp and whine,
but she'd stand firm, and so at last he'd grudgingly resign
to cry and whimper. He'd scratch the floor. Eventually he'd howl
until she'd scream at him to stop. And then he'd simply scowl.
When morning came, she'd set him free. He'd scamper off to work
where even his young secretary would call him a big jerk,
for when the call of nature came, he'd pee right on the floor;
and all their pleas for him to sit he'd doggedly ignore.
At suppertime he'd run on home and scratch to be let in.
She'd curse his ass for being late. He'd bite her on the shin.
And then, at last, she'd had enough. She took him into town
and, feeding him a biscuit, a doctor put him down.