These excerpts from her diary are from around the time we first met in November-December 1974:
I have made some promises again, and they are never to be broken. I shall not write anything about my blackouts, because they confuse things a lot. And I shan�t have blackouts too. I am much more cheerful now, now that real studies have begun. But anyhow, whenever I feel rotten, I�ll have to think of the future and be firm with myself...
Life is dramatising itself in countless situations these days. I never feel so bored as I always did... I learnt that RP, the dumb cat, comes to the Univ on a gent�s bike, and she too has never ridden in traffic before... So this boosted up my spirits a lot. I came home and announced that I would go by bike in all conditions, and surprisingly enough, no one contradicted my words. Dad�s quite prepared to accompany me... I�ve been bold enough to go to S�s house on my own - twice. I think I am growing up at last. Mum�s a bit tremulous and dubious but she can be talked over.
Last night I asked Mum again what I was expected to do. I know that dad wants me to get the Gold Medal this year, and though I can�t say so aloud, I am pretty sure that I�ll only get a 1st with luck. There are 10 first classes in our section, and all are alert to their studies...
Mum said I should do my MA and get settled with someone decent. That is the last thing I will do. I�d rather do MA, go in for research, get my doctorate, and appear for IAS. I really fancy having the addition Dr. before my name. Dr. Geeta Saxena, IAS. That is my aim and that is what I will be one day. After all I have all the time in the world and no hurry at all. Probably I�ll have to appear twice or thrice before I get through, but that doesn�t matter. One can always go for lecturership in the meantime.
So I don�t see why I�ve got to top in MA. It wouldn�t be bad if I did, but then I wouldn�t like to think how much effort it would require to beat the best brains in the class. It would be much better to enjoy life a bit than to pore over old books all the time... Anyhow I have started being a wee bit bolder than was my wont, and it has surprised the family...
I�ll try to leave off all my nervousness in college. I really feel as if everybody were staring at me all the time. I know they do, because whenever I dare to glance anywhere I find my face the intersection point of several straight gazes. I grow red every time and bite my lips or do something equally silly, or at least I begin to jabber unceasingly. Even in class, my ears and cheeks have got into the habit of turning red and feeling hot every few minutes... I do talk a lot, even in the presence of teachers... I don�t know what to do. I must really control my moods as well as my hands and my tongue. Am going to begin tomorrow...