Chapter 3: It's Getting Louder

It was amazing that a pouch of clear liquid could stop a person from crying, from sobbing out in despair, from hurting themselves. But Sam now lay blissfully asleep, while her friends hovered around her bed, concerned.

A thousand questions chased themselves around in Jack�s head. The one that popped out was, �What the hell was that?�

�I don�t know�� Janet said quietly, looking sadly down at her friend. Daniel put an arm around her.

Jack wished he could have someone to put his arm around. It would make him feel better. His eyes fell back to Sam�s face. The bruise was still there, but not as dark. It was beginning to heal.

�I don�t know!� Janet said again, sounding bitter. �She should be better by now, but its like her body doesn�t want to get better�� she sniffed, �I don�t know what I can do.�

�You all go back to sleep.� Jack muttered, pulling up a chair and sitting down. �I�ll stay with her.�

The night moved on, an unseen flow somewhere beyond the tiny observation room deep within Cheyenne Mountain.

I told you I�d take care of her, Jacob. I promised.

Murmur�Sam�murmur�

Time to go back to the commissary, back to the noise and friendly camaraderie. Sam found a cup of blue jell-o and sat at her usual table.

SG-3 was laughing together in a corner. The newest member looked over at Sam and grinned. She lowered her eyes.

The light shone through the jell-o, refracting off the part where her spoon had cut into it and casting a geometric pattern on the tablecloth.

The book had looked so flimsy and small in Pete�s hands, despite the fact that it was so big and hard. It felt like a brick when it hit her in the face. Sam jumped at the exact moment that Jack walked into the commissary. The cup of jell-o fell to the floor and shattered.

Jack swooped down with another cup of jell-o and called for the janitor. Sitting down across from Sam he grinned.

�Jeeze, Carter, between the two of us they won�t have any of those cups left.�

His smile wasn�t reflected at all on Sam�s face. She nodded her head and continued eating.

Jack tried again. �Have you eaten anything besides blue jell-o?�

�Yes, sir. I had a cereal for breakfast. And a sandwich yesterday.�

�Okay�� Jack watched her over his plate of spaghetti.

Sam couldn�t bring herself to look at Jack. Her gaze wandered instead to the doorway, where a little girl stood, completely ignored by the officers passing in and out of the commissary. The girl seemed to notice Sam watching her and smiled, before turning and moving her hands in a clapping game with some invisible friend. Above all the noise, Sam heard the girl chanting:

�Three bold men stand atop of a hill,
One talks fast and the others are still,
Far down below in the valley so green,
A river is soiled by a force unseen.�

She wandered over to the table, hanging on the edge and staring up at Sam.

�Who are these men and where do they go?
What about the river do they wish to know?
Do they want to know her future?
Do they want to know her past?
Do they want to know how to make her beauty last?�

The girl looked at Sam with a calculating and judgmental expression. She reached out for the cup of jell-o, but Sam pulled it away.

�Carter?�

Sam looked up.

�You ok?� Jack�s confused gaze swept the area Sam had been staring at. Sam quickly filled her mouth with jell-o and nodded, purposefully ignoring the tugging at her sleeve.

�Sorry, Pete�s taken some time off, General. I haven�t heard from him in a couple of days. Is there a problem?�

�I�d say there is!� A bit of Jack�s anger seemed to have worn off on Hammond over the past couple days. �He�s facing charges of domestic abuse and assaulting an air force officer.�

�Pete? Pete Shanahan?� Not that Hammond hadn�t already made clear exactly who he was talking about. The silence was filled with a thousand other questions that Hammond knew he couldn�t answer.

�Hrumph.� Hammond broke the silence finally. �Just get a hold of him. This isn�t over.�

The TV had been on. She and Pete were sitting on the couch together, Sam�s mind not on anything in particular. Pete had gently rested his hand on hers, but when he leaned over to kiss her neck she pulled away slightly, he tried again and Sam had turned, knocking the pencil cup over with her elbow.

One of her slender hands came up to rest on Pete�s chest; a silent rebuke.

Now Sam carefully rearranged it, making everything the way it was before anything had happened, methodically driving the last vestiges of her painful memories from the house. Well after night fell Sam changed into her pajamas and finally climbed into the cold, empty bed.

Jack loved the night sky. It was like looking through a huge window at the world beyond, and knowing that there were things going on out there that he didn�t have to worry about, and probably didn�t even know where happening.

He felt like a child again, lying on his back and staring up at the velvety blackness.

Sometimes he felt like he was about to fall off the earth.

Jack stood up and went back into the house. For a brief moment he was tempted to call Sam and make sure she was OK, but after seeing her being pestered with questions all day he guessed that she probably wanted some time alone.

The refrigerator hummed pleasantly when Jack opened it. The yellow light spilled across the floor of the darkened kitchen.

The darkness.

Its only purpose seemed to be to remind Jack of how lonely he was. When Sara and Charlie were still around, it was never dark. The lights in a room might be turned off, but it was never dark. The door closed with a soft thwack, and Jack went back to the living room to watch television.

The girl held out her hands.

�Three bold men run down th� side of a hill,
All are fast and none are still.
Down to the banks where the river gleams,
Reflections in the waters are not what they seem.�

Sam wondered how the girl could speak with so many voices at once, and why the veins in her wrists seemed to be so visible beneath her pale skin as she moved her hands in time to the chant.

�Who are these men and where do they go?
What about this life do they want to know?
Do they want to know the future?
Do they want to know the past?
Do they want to know how to make this�� the girl reached over and poked Sam in the shoulder, �woman�s life last?�

Morning came without birdsong, the dim light of the sun only just penetrating the layers of dark clouds that hung over the sky. Sam drove to work, pretending everything was normal. She smiled, chatted with the other members of the SGC as she headed to her lab.

Daniel and Teal�c wandered in later that day, both claiming they hadn�t talked to Sam in a while. She was only half absorbed in her work anyway, and for once found the distraction pleasant. She even managed to get a wry smile out of Teal�c.

A giggle. Daniel was talking about hieroglyphics. He wasn�t giggling. Sam looked over at the door. The girl was standing there, watching Sam and laughing.

�Three men stand in the blazing hot sun,
Where will they be when the day is done?
The bed that held water now is dried,
The woman once so beautiful now has died.

Who was that woman and where did she go?
She won�t be remembered and no one will know.
Do you want to know the future?
Do you want to know the past?
Look up and see how a life will vanish oh�so�fast.�

�SHUT UP!� Sam screamed, leaping to her feet.

Daniel and Teal�c stared. The moment Sam had shouted came at a break in the conversation, and she was now glaring angrily at the empty doorway.

�Major Carter.� Teal�c strode to her side, raising an eyebrow.

Sam pointed at the girl who was now smiling evilly at her.

�There is no one there.�

Daniel walked over cautiously. He knew what it was like to see things that weren�t there, to have your senses fooled and your mind warped. �Sam, I think we should go-�

The book in Sam�s hand flew at the wall, striking where she�d seen the girl. But the girl was gone.

Teal�c�s arms came around Sam, holding her tightly while she sobbed and beat at his chest with her fists.

�She got away! She always gets away!�

Jack knew this wasn�t right. Sitting in the iso-room, Sam looked worse off than when she was throwing things.

Janet stood off to one side, talking to Dr. McKenzie. The phrase �trauma induced schizophrenia� kept floating over to Jack, making his stomach churn. He placed one hand flat against the glass, knowing Sam couldn�t see him through the one way mirror.

�This isn�t right.�

Jack turned to see Janet standing next to him. He nodded.

She sighed. �None of this fits.�

They went into the room, and Sam looked up at them. She looked confused, angry, but mostly just bored.

�Sam.� Janet walked over to her and reached out to take Sam�s hand.

She was doing it again. Sam hated it when the doctors did that. �I�m not crazy, Janet.�

The girl, now a gaunt, unhealthy little thing with matted hair, stood in one corner, glaring at Sam with her empty eyes.

�I know�we�re just worried about you.� Janet smoothed her hands down the front of her lab coat in a self-conscious motion. �Did anything happen besides Pete hitting you with the book?�

Sam�s eyes were on Jack, who stood awkwardly off to one side. Out of it�s own accord, one of her hands reached out to him. The pleading look in her blue eyes was enough to bring him to her side, to sit next to her and drape his arm around her shoulders.

�I don�t know what happened.�

Janet blinked. �So something else did happen?�

�He hit me.�

�I know, hun, but did he do anything else?�

Jack�s arm tightened protectively around Sam�s shoulders. �Doc, I don�t think we�re getting anywhere.� His eyes said clearly �Let me talk to her�.

Janet nodded and left to go find Daniel. Sam reached up and with a funny little flick of her hand brushed some lint off the shoulder of Jack�s black t-shirt. Jack cocked his head to one side.

�You alright, Carter? I don�t think I�ve heard any of your techno-babble for at least a week.�

That got a faint smile out of Sam. Barely there, but Jack had seen it.

What Sam wanted was for everything to return to normal, whatever normal was. She hated things she couldn�t explain away rationally. Except for Jack, she could never explain him�but liked him all the same. She�d thought she could explain Pete, that he was like a simple equation. Then he�d thrown in some strange variable and she�d lost all sense of what was true.

Her face buried in Jack�s shoulder and her mind filled itself with pleasant fantasies of being right where she belonged.

She knew that because she knew Sam well enough to know that her friend wouldn�t put up with something like that. No one could walk all over Sam. She was too tall, for one thing.

The pen fell from Janet�s hand and she folded her arms on the table, lowering her head to rest on them. She was tired. For a couple days she�d thought that everyone might actually get a chance to be happy. She had Daniel, Sam had Pete�then one night Daniel had said something about Sam and Jack.

And all the reasons that Janet didn�t like her best friend�s boyfriend came rushing back to her.

A noise caused Janet to look up. Jack was standing in the doorway, his eyes on the floor.

�Did you talk to her?�

�Nah, we just sat there.� He sighed. �She�s upset.�

�Mm.� A brief nod, causing Janet�s brown hair to catch the light and for a second look almost dark red. She studied Jack. �You care about her a lot, don�t you?�

Jack found himself talking to Janet, suddenly, not Dr. Fraiser. �Yeah.� His voice was husky. �I care about her a lot.�

Janet opened her mouth to tell him that he�d better not hurt her, but the look in Jack�s eyes was enough to tell her she didn�t need to.

Janet came to see Sam a lot. Sam liked that better than when Dr. MacKenzie came. The psychologist wasn�t as friendly as Janet and wouldn�t just talk to Sam, he�d interrogate her. Janet would talk, would try to joke.

After getting back from the mission, Jack came and sat with Sam. Their conversation was almost normal, until Jack said quietly, �Fraiser said you spazzed again today.� That was his joking label for when the girl wouldn�t stop talking and Sam had to throw something at her.

Sam looked at her CO and apologized quietly.

�Don�t,� Jack waved his hand, letting it fall to rest on Sam�s forearm. �Its not your fault, Carter, we just want to know why you keep doing this stuff.�

�She won�t shut up unless I throw something at her.� Sam said with a shrug.

�Who?�

Sam pointed to the corner of the room where the girl sat rocking herself. She looked sick now, her skin clinging to her bones and her eyes bulging. Her hair that at first had been long and flowing was now thin and wispy. She looked up at Sam and made a soft keening noise.

Jack stared for a long time at the spot. �Carter�� his voice softened. �Samantha, there isn�t any one there.�

Sam looked at Jack, then back at the girl, and back to Jack again. �God�� she whispered. �Sir, what�s wrong with me?�

�I don�t know.�

His hand felt so gentle as he reached out and put it against her cheek.

He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, admiring her radiant blue eyes. The afternoon sun that slanted through the trees made her hair seem to glow as they sat together on a park bench. Sam was smiling, it seemed like forever since she�d last smiled. There was no one else on the path through the woods, so he wasn�t hesitant as he leaned over to kiss her.

�I love you,� he murmured. �Since the first day I met you.�

Another radiant smile. �I know you do.�

In that moment he knew for sure that he wouldn�t want anyone or anything to ever come between them anymore. That if any other man tried to hurt her�he would most certainly have something to do about it.

As that sunny afternoon turned into twilight, Sam and Pete stood up and walked slowly back to the car, their arms around each other.

�She�s still having hallucinations, sir,� Janet reported. �She seems to be improving, though. I�ve been able to talk to her and I don�t think Shanahan had done anything to her before this. That�s why she�s having so many problems dealing with it; it came as such a shock to her.�

�I she still having those outbursts?�

Janet nodded sadly. �Those are directly connected to the hallucinations. We�ve got her on medications�there�s no telling on how long or even if they�ll work.�

�Sir,� Jack�s voice cut in. �You�re not just planning on keeping Carter locked up until we�re absolutely sure she�s not seeing things, are you?�

Hammond really, really hated making decisions like this. It was one of those times when he wished he could be more impartial. �Colonel, I regret to point out that Major Carter right now is jeopardizing not only her own safety but that of the others on base�for the moment she�s staying where she is.�

�But, Sir-�

�Jack.� Daniel put his hand on Jack�s shoulder. The expression on Hammond�s face was enough to say that this meeting was over. In the hall, his arm around Janet�s waist as the three of them walked, Daniel said, �It�s funny�We spend all our time dealing with problems on a galactic scale, and then when we have to deal with something like this�something that could honestly happen to anyone��

��We�re so lost.� Jack finished. At the despair in his voice both Janet and Daniel looked up at him.

�Sam�ll pull through this.� Daniel reassured him.

Jack nodded wanly, turning purposefully away from the other two and walking down a side hall, headed no where in particular.