| The Earnest Chronicles |
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| Pig Guy Bob was running away from his lifelong fiend Mark when he tripped and shattered his cranium, landing himself in the intensive-care room at the Royal Garbanzo hospital, down in New Orleans. He was bed-ridden in room A4556 for 6 months and was visited by nobody because his face was unrecognizable and he couldn�t speak: the police had no way of knowing who he was, or where he was from. When his time was done, and he was healed, ready to go back home, he first made a stop at a local bathroom where he viewed his face on a wall mirror. � Holy Fuck!� cried Bob, � I'm a fucking Pig!!!� A man named Dr. Piern preformed the plastic surgery on Bob, and transformed him into a pig, a bi-pedal pig, to aid the field of cosmetics in its advances. The staff at the hospital did not expect Bob to recover at all, and so they okayed the experiment. Bob, not willing to return home anymore, was confronted with social problems. As he was leaving the bathroom, another individual who seemed beautiful when compared to ugly Bob, walked in, looked at him, and regurgitated his morning brunch all over the asbestos covered walls. � No!!!� yelled the individual. For the rest of the day, Bob walked the streets of New Orleans, under its high- rises and over its lawns and face-to-face with splashing vomit. His presence struck a special chord in the brains of the New Orleanseans that made everyone sicker than they would ever be, even with uranium poisoning. They puked on him in disgust, shat and pissed on him out of fear, and this one dirty old man in a trench coat ejaculated on him probably because he was a zoophile. He felt unwanted and alienated by dusk, and so he walked to a small farm in the country, a few miles away. There, he met a farmer who tried to kill him�� This ain�t no Mardi Gras celebration ya gad damn nigger!�. So that�s what he did, Bob, he waited till Mardi Gras, the festival where middle- class working-class and what-not worker-bee�s all loose themselves in a great smog of fun, and lived off of garbage he collected from a blind mans pastry shop until then. And when the day finally came, it came with a loud monstrous boom! with everyone running around screaming like eagles on E in devil costumes, flashing their 30 year old titiess for colored beads, having sex with random strangers�no condom�s no nothing�,shooting and killing each other without concern for the family of their victims, drowning their poor livers into Keroacancer, and this was ok. |
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