Smiling from Nose to Ear!
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I |
don’t know the house
but only my distant cousin. So when the little girl came dancing in I, thought
asking her name would be the best opening line.
“Won’t tell you!”,
she said.
One of my hosts said:
“Be a good girl, tell him your name.”
“I told you I don’t
want to say and I won’t!” she said and went away maintaining the tempo of her
dance.
And then people laughed and somebody said,
“She will grow up to be a bright girl!”
I am filled with envy whenever I recall this incident. If I had said the same thing I would be rendered rude, ill mannered, or perhaps even mentally unstable. I can think of so many instances when I had said, “Pleased to meet you.” Actually I would have wanted to say, “Six billion people on this planet and I have to see you! What fate!”
But it is different when it comes to the children. They are free to think what they feel and say what they think. They scream when they are angry and cry when they are sad. And when they are happy they smile from ear to ear!
Unfortunately the grownups cannot do so. There are so many norms in the society that restrict us. Apart from these, before we say anything there are so many other things which bother us- “What will he think, what will she think, what will happen to this if I say that.” We have our egos to maintain, we want things to be in our favour, we manipulate others to admire us. We regulate our feelings, control our thoughts and what we say or do may have little to do with them. We wear stiffening neckties and heavy suits on hot days when we want to go around in shorts and printed tee shirts. We frown when we are happy and smile when our mood is in no way pleasing. Regulating one’s thoughts and feelings and expressing them in a half hazard way, is what I term, smiling from nose to ear.
Perhaps it is this reason, and this reason alone, that makes children so carefree, innocent and happy. Many of us believe that giving a polished disposition of ourselves, hiding parts of our character and being secretive can win the admiration of our friends. This maybe true only up to a certain extent. Eminent psychologists argue that if you really want people to be close and open to you, you have to open up to them first. Being transparent to others by sharing all your strengths and weaknesses with them does not alienate them from you. Instead they feel you trust them and become happy and get the confidence to trust you with their secrets.
Now all this does not mean the next time your history teacher walks into class you stand up and say, “You make me bored and sleepy and I don’t listen to a single word you say. So please leave the classroom.” We do have to care about others’ feelings and follow certain rules and regulations, and some basic discipline. But beyond this it is unnecessary to hold back what we truly feel.
Another problem that the grownups- especially the men- face is that they ‘are not allowed’ to cry. People who cry are termed ‘weak’ and ‘childish’ by the society. It may not be worth crying over our failures and not acting to amend them, but when we are really hurt, like when we are under some great physical pain or during the loss of a loved one, it helps if we just let go. Crying is a natural and healthy way to comfort ourselves during such difficult times.
In his book The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872) Charles Darwin says that emotional behavior originally served not only as a method of communicating intentions but also as an aid to survival. For example, angry people show their teeth because they have inherited behaviour patterns that their prehistoric ancestors needed for fighting. This again goes to prove that our emotions work only for our good and modifying them will only work against us.
Most of the misunderstandings and friction among people is due to
their habit of ‘smiling from nose to ear’. But today’s generation is full of ‘cool’
folks who believe in expressing themselves and acting free! Let us make sure
that all of us are among them. This will make the world become a place full of
humans with successful relationships and happy people who smile from ear to
ear!
