My downfall so-to-speak happened when I became friends with... well we will call him Paul. We bacame fast friends when his family moved to St. Albans and started attending the same Church. I thought he was the cutest thing on earth, and had a great personality to match. Needless to say, we became VERY close friends. If I ever had doubts about being gay, it was washed away when Paul and I first kissed. I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I smell Brut cologne (that is what he wore at the time.)
However our romance was doomed, due to my dedication to God. I felt at the time that God would not love me if I were gay. It was very hard feeling this way. I prayed continuously to wash the thoughts of men out of my mind. Unfortunately, it did not work. Instead I fooled myself into thinking I was not gay. I lead a "straight life" and dated girls, all the while lusting over guys. It was not until I was 21, that I finally accepted the truth.
It was a storyline on the soap opera, One Live To Live, about a gay teenager that opened my eyes. I watched a scene between him and his Pastor, where the Pastor told him it was ok to be gay, and that God would still love him. At that time it clicked and I began to come to terms with my homosexuality.
Now I strongly feel that you can be gay and a Christian. I believe that God will judge me for how I lived and treated others, not for what I am. After all, God would not condemn that which He made, right?
