An Ode to the Recalcitrant Modem
By Gordon Mei
July 26, 2003, age 17

The box says five-six hundred K,
So purchase this I do.
But when I tried the thing today
It yielded thirty two.

I called the manufacturer,
They blamed it on 3Com.
But when I asked 3Com they blamed
A faulty CD-ROM.

It makes no sense I tell them,
No conflicts IRQ.
So then they pointed fingers
At a crummy CPU.

Irrelevant I tell them,
A novice would know that.
So suddenly the culprits are
The drivers and chipset.

The updates are all useless
And I’m forced to search around.
In the user forums, sites, and boards
But nothing can be found.

The modem corp. is silent,
The chipset corp. is too.
My ISP gave init strings,
No fixes did come through.

I sought a brand new modem
As I browsed the store this week.
And settled for just thirty three
But now I get its peak!