There was once a pretty but narcissistic little girl who lived on the edge of the woods in a very wealthy suburb. One day, her mother reminded her to go and visit her grandmother who lived in a run-down, condemned log cabin in the woods. She also told her to take her grandmother a bag of groceries and some pies. The girl refused, and the mother said if she would go, she could wear her expensive fur coat all day and to a party. The girl quickly fetched the coat, which happened to be red, and took off through the forest with the groceries and pastries. She did this so quickly that the mother didn't have time to remind her that a rabid wolf was lurking through the forest.

At some point Little Red Furry Coat strayed off the forest path, not wanting to waste too much time in getting to her grandmother's house.

"Why the hell can't she just move to a senior citizen's complex? Instead, here I am trampling through the forest and ruining my designer heals!" she angrily screamed after stubbing her toe on a stone. And far off in the woods, the echo of her voice caught the attention of the wolf. The wolf quickly bounded off in the direction of the sound. Eventually however, the sound of golden oldies ringing out through the forest took his attention away from Little Red Furry Coat. The wolf took off toward the sound of "Abba's Greatest Hits".

Meanwhile, Little Red Furry Coat had decided to stop and snack on the pies meant for her grandmother. As she munched she said to herself, "That old bag has lived in here for seventy years, she can just eat some toadstools or something." When she had had her fill, she stood up, made sure no loam had gotten caught in the coat, and skipped off.

But over near her grandmother's house, the wolf was quickly closing in. It caught sight of a cheery old lady with half-inch thick glasses tending a garden. The wolf was only inches away when suddenly she swung around accidentally smacked him in the snout with a rake. At first she was shocked, but then she smiled.

"Ooooh!!! It's my little sweetie pie!!!" She pinched the wolf's snout. "How's my wittle woochie poo? Hmm?" She adjusted her glasses and gave the wolf a big, tight hug. The wolf gasped and struggled to get away.

"My, it's been almost six months since you've visited me! How big you've grown already. And what big pretty eyes you have."

"Woof."

"And what big ears you have!"

"Woof."

"And what a big nose you have! Have you been stung by a bee?"

"Grrrrrrr."

"And what happened to your teeth? They're a disgusting yellow. And look at the size of them. They're awfully big. I bet you could fit a whole horse in that mouth of yours!" At that moment, the real Little Red Furry Coat came skipping out of the forest. She said happily, "Hi Grandma!"

The grandmother whirled around and looked at the wolf, and back at Little Red Furry Coat.

"Is this some kind of joke? Which one is real?!?!" She grabbed her rake and stood ready to attack. "Okay, whoever is my real granddaughter, tell me something you know about me!" She pointed the rake at Little Red Furry Coat.

"Well, um, uh.....your daughter's name is Anne." Then she pointed the rake at the wolf.

"Bow-wow." Right then she struck out with the rake and missed, but the wolf ran away howling through the woods. Little Red Furry Coat rushed to her grandmother's side.

"Oh Grandma, I was so scared!"