Narrator: Once, there were three pigs who left their mother to begin a new life. Let them introduce themselves.

1st pig: Hi, I'm the first pig, Dorko. My house is the BESTEST in the world!

Narrator: Actually, it's "best." Not "bestest."

1st pig: Quiet! I'm trying to speak here!! I live in a sand castle! I'm also very rich! That's 'cause there are sand dollars all over the beach! I'm so smart! It's built right on the edge of the shore where I can access water in no time!

2nd pig: Hi, I'm the second pig. My name is Fatso. I don't have to spend anything or do anything because I live in a nice greenhouse with veggies in it. And from time to time, I get a free shower!

3rd pig: Hi, I'm the third pig.

Narrator: That's it? What's your name?

3rd pig: Uh... I don't know.

Narrator: And let me guess. You live in a brick house, right?

3rd pig: Who are you? Mother Goose? This is the 20th century! I need some security. That's why I live in a steel house.

Narrator: Oh. Anyway, we can't forget the BIG, BAD wolf... RAZOR!!

Wolf: Shut up! I know my name!!

Narrator: (A moment of silence.) Anyway, the pigs weren't too bright because the first pig built his sand castle at a shore where big waves would occasionally hit. As for the second pig's greenhouse, when you shut the doors, the ventilation is cut off so nobody can breathe in there. Razor the wolf was hungry so he went to the 1st pig's house.

1st pig: (playing with sand and singing) My house is the bestest! My house is the bestest!

Wolf: (Knocks three times) Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in.

1st pig: No way, you hairy dog!

Wolf: Actually, I'm a wolf.

1st pig: Dog. Wolf. Whatever! But you still can't come in!

Wolf: Fine then! I'll use a hair dryer to blow your stupid sand castle down- huh? AHH!!! Big wave!!!

1st pig: HA! I'm safe in my sand castle!

Narrator: But he was not. And he got buried in his sand castle after the big wave struck the castle.

Wolf: Aw man!!! There goes my lunch! Oh well, there are still more pigs.

Narrator: So the wolf went to the 2nd pig's house.

2nd pig: Ahh. My beautiful house. Food all around me. This must be what heaven is like.

Wolf: (Knocking three times) Little pig, Little pig, let me in.

2nd pig: Use the doorbell!!

Wolf: Okay. (Rings the doorbell)

2nd pig: Who is it?

Wolf: Uh... I'm from... PG&E 'cause you haven't paid your electric bill.

2nd pig: (unbelievingly) Yeah right.

Narrator: He looked to see who it was and he saw that it was a wolf! The pig was really scared so he shut the doors, not knowing that he just cut off his air supply.

2nd pig: Ahhh! I can't breathe! Let me out! Let me out!

Wolf: Let me in! Let me in!

2nd pig: Let me out! Let me out!

Wolf: Let me in! Let me in!

2nd pig: Let me out! Cough! (choking) Let meee... (suffocates and dies)

Wolf: Aww man! There goes my SECOND dinner. Well, there's still hope. There's still one more pig in town. (Goes to 3rd pig's house)

3rd pig: My house is sooo strong!

Wolf: (Knocks three times) Little pig, Little pig, let me in.

3rd pig: Who's there?

Wolf: Um... I'm from... the IRS! (mumbling) oops, bad choice.

3rd pig: Woah!!! You DEFINITELY can't come in!

Wolf: Oh, did I say IRS? I meant, you won a million dollars and I'm here to give it to you.

3rd pig: (Checks to see who it is) No you're not! You're a wolf!! Leave me alone, you monster!

Wolf: Fine. I'll burn your house down!

3rd pig: It's fireproof.

Wolf: (Getting desperate) Um... I know! I'll use a bomb!!

3rd pig: Where did you get that!?!

Wolf: This is America. You can get anything here. (Detonates bomb)

BOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!

Narrator: So the bomb exploded and brought the 3rd pig flying in the air and then he fell back down onto the wolf.

So in the end, the three pigs were dead and the wolf...well, last time I heard he was still in the hospital.