SBA feel throstles thunder as Lani takes a backseat chunder by Wayne K. Staines

A cliché?

Big brave bouncy SBA FC were today caught asunder by Boing FC thunder, with a goalmouth blunder and a backseat chunder enabling the home teams plunder of the spoils.

Manager Evans named a bold line up with several players in the starting eleven known to have scored goals. Pleasingly, he also omitted the word ‘outfit’ from the pre-warm -up pre-team talk team talk. After a thoroughly exhaustive warm-up in which only one player fell over, the leg weary SBA FC were displayed in a 4-4-2 formation. Richie in goal, Ferret on the right, Myton and Biscuits in the middle and Spare on the left. In midfield Banjo Rumble played on the right, new Dan on the left whilst static Joe and Lani filled the central positions. Up front were slightly smaller Sam and poacher Beidas.

Can’t go, Won’t go?

The SBA started slower than a 1976 Marina - Banjo rejected allegro on the grounds that it’s a poncy musical term: with respect to those on this list stupid enough to have read this far the is little likelihood of any confusion however having enjoyed the hospitality and gin of Banjo Towers for the past forty-eight hours I’m happy to be corrected.

Plums

Anyway, after a less than pacy start, the SBA were forced to defend wave upon wave of attack. After a tidy build up and a swift through ball, Richie (who had already saved the SBA on three occasions) was beaten, but Myton tracked back to make a brilliant goal line clearance at the expense of a corner. However the resulting set piece was viciously swung in and evaded Richie. New Dan made a desperate attempt at a clearance which involved smashing the ball into Banjo’s plums from three yards from where the ball landed plum on the line behind Dan who stepping backwards whilst looking for the ball managed to back heel it over the line.

Damsons

Nevertheless, and despite some upset about Banjo’s bullock tomfoolery (not least from Banjo himself) the SBA seemed to settle despite the setback. Some flowing moves, especially down the flank forced the Baggies back, and their keeper to sully his shorts on a couple of occasions. One such move involved a fine ball from Lani to the edge of the eighteen yard box where the now re-galloping Banjo (recovered after a recount) was arriving. His low drive was well saved by the keeper who was up quickly to complete a good double save by touching over the bar as the streamlined sidepartinged one volleyed the rebound goalwards once more.

Mixed Autumnal Fruit Selection Box (£2.99 with vouchers from Safeway)

Anyway, the SBA could smell goals on the wind (I think) and further pressured the Baggies defence. A speculative effort from new Dan, cutting in from the left, bounced awkwardly in front of the keeper, who spilled the ball. Dave, swooped in like a rampant correctly coiffured vulture, to ram home the rebound and land on the keeper.

Muff Diving

The SBA then stood, determined to hold fast until the break and hopeful of a half time roasting with manager Evans. However an awful error from Myton allowed Throstle Apostle clean through on goal. Thankfully the unmascoted one pushed the ball too far ahead of himself and tripper over goalkeeper Richie. Some debate ensued during which Ferret accused the Throstle of rather unsportsman like behaviour in a manner that had his mother reaching for the soap and water. The Thostle sportingly admitted his tumble and a goal kick was the resulting decision. Spare then made a brilliant saving tackle to ensure honours remained even at halftime.

Halftime: Boing FC 1 – SBA FC 1

With a sore midriff, Banjo was spared further punishment and was pulled off, along with Biscuits, by manager Evans at halftime. Big Sam replaced the not auburn haired one with Jordie slotting in on the right for Banjo.

The second half was evenly fought with chances at both ends – Big Sam seamlessly replacing Biscuits at the back, looked comfortable both on the ball and defending off it.

Orlando gloom

Spare was again prominent going forward, and one defence splitting pass (see also hopeful hoof, see also Paul Williams) found the SBA captain larruping through on the right. Unfortunately the Thostles custodian was able to grasp the attempted lob at full stretch.

Dogging

The SBA were then completely undone by a moment of footballing magic down the Baggies left flank. The striker collecting the ball from a throw in, turning and beating two defenders before hitting an unstoppable shot across Richie and in off the far post.

Up against the Wall

Undeterred, the SBA pressed on, regularly forcing the Baggies back into their own half, the Spare/new Dan axis down the left being particularly prominent. However, whilst committing men forward, the SBA were left light at the back, and a quick break followed by a quick throw in on the left hand side saw the SBA short of numbers in defence. A deflected cross caught Myton and Spare flat footed and despite Richie's best efforts, the SBA found themselves 3-1 behind and facing an uphill battle with their backs to the wall.

Mix-up

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and manager Evans desperations obviously knew no bounds, as he pulled off the veteran vulture Beidas, returning Biscuits to the fray at left back. Surprisingly Spare pushed up to left midfield with New Dan joining Sam upfront. The plan being to push forward optimistically to try and grasp two late goals for a share of the spoils.

Hiccup

This plan nearly fell on its arse as Myton sent a hospital pass across the plane of defence towards spare. Thankfully Spare emerged from the challenge with all limbs (and an unexpected swelling).

Cock-up

However keeper Richie obviously thought little of manager Evans plan, and another speculative effort from the left somehow evaded our custodians grasp; ferreting through his legs, ordering pizza, and resting in the old onion bag (think Ian Walker).

Gout

Nevertheless the SBA pressed on, and calling for the all out nobtug (nelly out ball, towards ut goal) attack the SBA deservedly gained consolation with a fine goal from slightly smaller Sam. That was the end of the scoring and the final result of 4-2 placed a fair reflection of the game in the score book.

Summing up

A well organised and sporting Baggies side narrowly deserved to come out on top.

Shooters and rooters as elected by Myton, Spare and Banjo Rumble and presented courtesy of Bombay Sapphire Gin ‘The Gin of Shooters’

Shooters: Myton, Spare and Banjo Rumble (left bollock)

Rooters: Richie, Lani and Dave’s back seat!