Cambridge tourny

A strange sort of day in the field: we played pretty well against Fulham and Notts County, but were also disappointing in patches. We got in behind defences often enough, but failed to carve out decent goalscoring chances and, when we did, we generally minced them. A further setback was an ankle injury sustained by porntastic midfielder, Lanie "Llama" Stan against Notts County.

Anyway, since there were precious few highlights on the pitch, here's the highlights from the rest of the day:

-David and Banjo going off up the M69 in search of Cambridge. Not dissimilar to a car full of players disappearing down the M45 in search of Huddersfield in 2002. So much for my instructions to head toward the rising Sun.

-The clamorous reception from other teams when I did the rounds with a bottle of winter warmer.

-The testicular cancer lady. God loves a trier, but she was trying to persuade people to stump up a quid for the day's programme whilst stood next to the Cambridge Trust Fund barbeque which was doing great business. My suggestion that she install a rival barbeque franchise and called it "Testicle Burgers" earned me an old-fashioned look. Better yet was when she tried to establish some common ground with Ross by making mention of the fact that her husband used to support coventry. When Ross (inevitably) demanded to know why he'd given up, she patiently explained that he hadn't given up, he'd died of testicular cancer. Another nasty outbreak of foot in mouth in the flatlands...

-The Bournemouth keeper(Adie?) presenting me with his Lucky Away Shirt: "We got relegated in it. I was going to give it to a Charity for homeless South African kids, but I reckon you need it more."

-The solemnity of our Notts County pre-match team talk being irreparably shattered when we caught sight of the old geezer who was down to referee the game ("Look at those glasses! They're double glazed!") Appearances can be deceptive. Or not, sometimes.

-Having the best team entry in the programme. Whilst other teams had penned disappointingly earnest accounts of who their best players were (as if they were household names, forsooth,) I'd plumped for the following tomfoolery:

A Quick Guide to SBA FC
A year has passed by since Tim and myself "voluntarily" took on the task of managing SBA (Sky Blue Army) FC, and it has not been without problems. Half the team are confirmed alcoholics, whilst the other half still refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem. The club treasurer behaves like the deranged offspring of Ebeneezer Scrooge and Nick Leeson, whilst opposing teams seem strangely reluctant to play fixtures in sunny Coventry (the last lot who attempted it are still going round and round the ring road- I still see them sometimes when I'm out playing chicken with my Uncle in the evenings.)
New procedures implemented by the current management include the "Shooter and Rooter" awards given after each match for the players who've played like a wet dream and a bad dream respectively, victory parties the night BEFORE each tournament (cribbed from the Monster Raving Loony Party Manifesto) and bringing the squad retirement age down to 75 after the embarassing "throw in" incident at our last tournament.
What hasn't changed is that we still try to play football in the right spirit and make friends wherever we go. We're also always proud to pull on the famous Sky Blue. Apart from the time Dave was meant to wash it and it came back covered in lipstick and smelling of cheap perfume.
Well done to Cambridge for taking on the burden of organising a tourny; we wish them the best of luck and look forward to seeing everyone there.
By the way, if you've made it to the bottom of this drivel, you could just be stupid enough to log onto SBA FC Unofficial! Find all the latest news from the last time we could be bothered to update the site at http://www.geocities.com/hopon66
If anyone fancies arranging a game against us this season, come over and see me on the day- I'm the one who reminds people a bit of Lee out of the gas adverts.
Cheers all

Danny Mac

That pretty much covers the day for me, other than to wish a speedy recovery to the Inca Llama and also Sam, who missed the day with an ankle injury.

Cambridge Fans' United Tourny