Scrottingham Forest 5-1 SBA FC
Sam Mills: kicked the ball into the
opposing goal, apparently.
|
| Venue Beeston Hockey Club (DM- presumably some hell-hole in darkest treehugging territory) |
| Starting line-up Pete in Goal, Ed sweeping, Digger and Marco in central defence. Ali, Mark the chef and Pete the German in Midfield. John on the left, Gav on the right and Dave and Orca up front. Sam, Myself (Tim) and Big John Holmes keeping the bench warm. (DM- I don't know half of these people, and the ones I do, I don't like. Except maybe Gav. Maybe.) |
| humidity 12% |
| wind-speed velocity Average of 12 m/s with a high of 34 m/s |
| which foot did Millsy score with Right |
| what kind of boot was he wearing He wasn't wearing boots. He was wearing Jesus-esque sandals. Blessed by the Pope in his 1982 Coventry Visit, which incidentally, the Coventry Catholic Church is still paying for. (DM- the sandals were actually paid for by the insurance money from when the Cathedral fell down in the unfortunate "Archbishop of Coventry fart-lighting incident" of November 1940. Fortunately, this coincided with a well-publicised visit from the Luftwaffe, so the Catholic Church was able to collect an insurance pay-out, although they had to tell a few tall ones about what really happened to the Cathedral.) |
| how long he's had this boot about 22 years. |
| what time Ali showed up for the meeting Ali was early (EARLY) The cheeky monkey rang me twice to ask where I was. |
| what time Ross showed up for his first tackle We're still waiting for Ross. In fact I'll ring Digger, who's still in Nottingham waiting, and tell him to come home, as Ross probably isn't going to make it now. |
| whether anyone got laid the previous night (other than that hardy perennial, Dan's right hand) I know I didn't, and If anyone else did I want to know why. The rules are simple. No sexual activity (Solo or otherwise) 36 hours before Kick Off. |
Match synopsis as provided by the Right Hon. Timothy Jenkins-James, Conservative MP for Dunstable West since 1987.
We matched Forest for about an hour (ish) and went in 1-1 at half time, with Sam Mills bagging his first goal for the club.
We went one down after about 20 mins before Sam cut inside his man and cooly slotted past the keeper. However we needed to make more advantage of hurricane "Bertha" like Forest did in the second half.
They scored, and then they scored again, it was offside but with no linos, ahem, what can you do? They scored again and again and we lost 5-1. Thankfully we avoided total humiliation, by not letting their 9 year old score. (DM- I seem to remember Lewis Hand-Shandy absolutely nailing the little bugger when it looked like he was going to score last time. Lewis, we salute a legend.)
That's it for the match statistics, but now for our features!. Due to staff difficulties, we are unable to provide our usual favourites, Shooter and Rootertm and Russ' Scapegoat. Howver, much in the manner of Shooter and Rooter, this week we have our all-new George Best and Fred West slot, for best and worst performance / moment. Our inaugural winner is Earlsdon's very own Sam Mills ("Good finish, excellent work rate and he enjoys a smoke in the changing room afterwards.") Good work from Millsy, who wins a Magnum of Champagne and a Miss World contestant (circa 1971) so he can celebrate like the Irish maverick himself. Meanwhile, this week's Cromwell St House of Horrors monster is none other than Steve ("Was meant to be giving John a lift home but didn't show up. Meant John had to get the train.") Probably too busy murdering hitch hikers and disposing of their bodies.
That's it, other than Tim's thought for the day which, enigmatically enough, is "Never boil a cabbage a twice."
You have been warned.