Land ut Mud 2004

The day got off to a less than auspicious start for yours truly, as I wandered in something of a hungover state to the Memorial Park whereupon I found little trace of the SBA. One phone call and 30 seconds later, a Banjocab delivered me to The Old Clarence, where the Beidasbus was waiting to take us up to Huddersfield.

Following some motorway high jinks; being overtaken by caravans, horseboxes, molluscs etc, we arrived in dreary north Yorkshire. Joe Mac (the local) informed us it was actually quite a balmy day but it looked bloody miserable, wet and cold to the rest of us.

Manager Sven's regime is somewhat different from previous management styles and he delivered the usual half-time bollocking before we left the changing room. A wise move. The pitches were shocking even before kick-off, both having had Saturday league games called off at half-time the day before and the weather having deteriorated considerably in the meantime.

Our first game was against Hull Tiger Chat FC, who are doing extremely well in the IFC league this year and have been victims of our success for the past 2 years in this tournament. Revenge was clearly on the agenda. Svengali chose a starting line-up of Rich the goalie (surprisingly in goal), a back four of Martin, Tim, Cross Ross and Britney, Captain Lani and midfield Mick in the centre, with Big John McCutch on the left and Joe Mac wide right, Orca and Sam (Cledwin) up front.

A close first half saw few chances, despite some good football by both teams and the increasingly inclement weather and pitch. Peterborough Myton, Sam (Millsy) and Jordi (Millsy the even younger) made their bows at various points in the second half. Hull came on strong with the wind at their backs but some stout work by our trusty custodian (literally coated in mud after about 47 seconds) gained us a point I think we deserved for the quality of our football if not too many chances resulting.

A long wait in between matches (thanks to Ali for making us warm down and up again properly) did nothing to dampen SBA spirits and we kicked off against the best Leicester Foxes team I've seen, fresh off the back of their deserved 1-1 draw with Hull. We again played the better football and Mick did a great marking job on Foxes' tricky forward and best player. Unfortunately, against the run of play, an unlucky ricochet between Ross and Pete allowed a Leicester forward to nip in and guide the ball past a helpless Rich. Undeterred, we battled back in the second half and a quality free kick from Ross was knocked down to Lani on the edge of the area to send a quality left foot volley flying past the combined efforts of the Foxes defence. We then pushed forward in search of the winner we deserved and were unlucky not to take all three points.

Two draws and equal goal difference with Hull meant a penalty shoot out was needed to separate us. As usual, Tim stuck his hand up for first pen, although the subsequent effort probably means he'll not be so bloody eager in future. If you look out of the window at about 11.25 on Saturday night, the ball he sent flying 4 yards over the bar should be orbiting us once more and clearly visible throughout the West Midlands. In reply, Rich (penalty hero from Worldnet) saved well with his legs to two Hull efforts in a row, Sam C calmly slotting away in the meantime. Orca, John McCutch and two Hull lads were all successful, leaving Martin with a chance to put us through with the final of our five pens. Unfortunately, he tried to put the ball into the bottom left corner with his right (wrong) foot and dragged his shot tamely past the post. Up step Rich the goalie� a good penalty from Hull was heading towards the bottom right corner but Rich brilliantly got two hands to it, a l� Dave Beasant against John Aldridge, and pushed it round the post. Make that three years in a row we've knocked Hull out then! (Er, if you insist- DM) Incidentally that gives Rich a 4/6 save ratio - no pressure for the future!

Next up we had Scunthorpe and Manager Sven gave Dave and Banjo a run in their customary positions. Good move too� Our best performance in a tournament that I can remember saw us run out 3-0 winners, with a Sam C corner going straight in (perhaps slightly off a defender but he's claiming it!) and another Sam cross falling nicely for Dave to finish at the far post. Move of the match saw a Banjo cross (similar to a Banjocab but not as quick or unpredictable) flicked on at the near post by Dave and followed us by Millsy to tuck in for a thoroughly deserved semi final place against Donny R'Sonists.

We absolutely battered them from start to finish and had precisely no luck whatsoever. Donny's one chance of the game was a hopeful cross-field punt that landed beyond the defence and stuck invitingly in the penalty area mud for a grateful striker to tuck away. We created chance after chance; Ross narrowly missing with a header and Big John failing to finish a sharp 4-yard chance that rebounded off the keeper from an Orca toe-poke.

So Donny went on to their first LUG final, where Stockport soundly beat them, and we went home. I think it's safe to say the weather didn't help our cause at all but we battled on throughout, played some cracking football and gave a great account of what the SBA are all about. We gamely volunteered for more than our fair share of linesman duties, despite the weather, played the game the right way and ended up in the pub. Result.

As usual, the Huddersfield lads did a great job with the tournament organisation and they deserve pats on the back for their sterling charitable efforts each year. We'll be back for more of the same next year.

I seem to remember decisions were made about these on the journey back south. However, I've forgotten them, as I didn't write them down immediately. No surprise there.

Rich the goalie was given the player of the tournament vote for his general play throughout and outstanding penalty shoot-out display. Lani was deservedly second after an influential day in midfield and a great goal against Leicester. Ross received all the other votes after he threatened to make all our kids grow up to support Belgium (and he had his best day in a City shirt by far and marshalled the defence fantastically well).

Dave B gets half a rooter award for refusing to stop the bus and causing half the team to resort to piddling in empty water bottles in the back corner on the minibus (mind you, we were only doing 37 miles an hour at the time so that wasn't too tough).

Undoubted rooter of the tournament and winner of the inaugural "SBA Frank Spencer Award" was a cocky Scunthorpe left-winger� After beating one man and loudly calling "Megs" on one of our midfielders, he proceeded to trip over the ball at full pelt, ending face down in a puddle, in the unenviable position of having eaten a good mouthful of mud - right in front of the trusty SBA support and subs. Oh how we laughed!

See you at Worldnet.

Britney.