I think this may be a good time to remind everyone that this M'Duck report is 100% unofficial, all characters herein are fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is premeditated and malicious.
So, with that said, welcome to Peter Borough-Myton's:
1) The obvious one. Fucking thing has stopped. I don't believe this. I can reach that. Oh bollocks I can only push that a yard. Oh shite that's even easier.
2) Banjo's "overhead" kick. The only time his feet got over his head was when he was lying flat on his arse.
3) Ali's miss after a beautiful 6 pass move when it was easier to score. Slot it in Ali. No, spank it as hard as you can. And slice it wide while you're at it.
4) Rory's "tackle" in the Col U game where the bloke kicked the ball five yards past him, Rory kicked him five yards back towards the ball, and the ref gave a throw. To us. I forgot to apologise to the ref for giving them a free and undermining his "authority."
5) Steve's crafty shared fag with his missus in the car park and his guilty schoolboy look when I saw him. "Calm the nerves" was his comment. I was having a piss at the time though...
6) Someone (Ali again?? can't remember) giving Mick a big old hug while he's got back trouble and battered ribs....
7) You giving the ball to Luton and holding your hands to your head in about the last 2 minutes of the semi....
Guilty as charged, although I reckon Ali's goal against the Brummies is worthy of a mention- it could only have been better if he'd kicked the ball up Sam's arse as he was picking himself out of the goal...
And, if you missed it on the day...
A brief guide to SBA FC
Coventry's finest export, SBA FC is the result of a chance encounter at a celebrity lookalikes contest between an ex-KGB agent and a 63-year-old pornographer. But that's a long story and the Yetis did specify half a side of A5...
Anywho, the SBA are a side in transition this season: manager Russ Cassidy resigned in disgust after we only made the last eight at WorldNet. His exact words were:
"That's b*llocks lads, you've got to take the game more seriously. Internet football's more important than open heart surgery. I'm fed up with you t*ssers and I'm going to get drunk."
Ageing transvestite match tomfooleriser Pete Myton also departed in the company of the local constabulary and is looking at two years for an act of sexual perversion involving a goat and a visiting South African Cricket team.
Team (dis)organisation was handed over to Danny McKeown and Tim James, authors of the award-winning "SBA FC Unofficial" website (www.geocities.com/hopon66/sbafc, if you're interested). After brothel-crawling our way back from our first game in charge (away against Reading) we've taken Russ' criticism about seriousness to heart. We now have waged players, five nights training per week and a new motto: "SBA FC- more ringered up than Team Bath".
The above is mainly codswallop but, seriously for a second, we're delighted to be back at M'Duck, we love the Emetic Yetis and we look forward to seeing old friends and hopefully making some new ones. Cheers and remember- it's all in a good cause!