Watford vs. SBA FC

First and foremost I feel some apologies are in order for the seriously slack attitude I have shown so far toward the match report writing! I can’t think of a credible or decent enough excuse for this so I will leave it up to the colonel to fill the space (go easy Pete…)!

Since Worldnet 2005 the SBA have had a somewhat indifferent time off the pitch despite a ruthless time on it (14-0 against West Brom, heh heh!). Indeed, serious questions have been asked of the management team (The Tiger and myself) as to the future of the SBA and whether the dizzy heights of a semi-final place at Worldnet could ever be scaled again? I won’t lie to you dear reader the pressure has been tough to take at times particularly with the hounding paparazzi forever at your heel. Indeed extreme circumstances require extreme action so we decided to recruit an addition to the management to help out with some of the match tomfoolerising… Enter Millsy. Now some might say that they don’t get a lot of sense out of young Millsy even before he’s hit the bar and I will admit some truth to that, however, the boy is organised! Since Millsy has offered a helping hand (easy Pete) the SBA have had a flurry of games and the prospect of many more! Well done Millsy, good to have you on board mate…

The game.

As per usual the fifteen (promised) players before match day had alarmingly reduced down to eleven by match day! Having anticipated such enthusiasm from the SBA I had prepared myself to play if required after two years out with injury (to the day in fact). The SBA lined up as followed for kick off offering a debut for young John Ahearne and a second cap for James Foxon. The SBA also welcomed back Jackie Fenton and Lewis Handy after lengthy absences.

A tentative opening period on a small pitch saw the SBA with the better possession and movement with both teams ‘feeling each other out’ to quote Big Ron. On 15mins ‘The Punisher’ put in an awkward challenge on a Watford centre forward but came out unscathed and with the ball. After taking it on over the halfway line he released the lively John Ahearne who found ‘Edwin Van’ Cledwyn in acres of space on the right flank. His ball across eluded the Watford defence and, unfortunately, the SBA attackers. The keeper gathered and tried to release their left winger. Banjo, realising the imminent danger ran faster than I have ever seen him run before only to clatter the winger in a clumsy challenge that left Banjo in some considerable pain. After some treatment and attempt to continue to play it was clear that Banjo would play no further part in the game bringing about an earlier than expected return to SBA football for myself. I slotted into Banjos’ right wing position. Watford seemed somewhat galvanised at this point and after 20mins or so broke into the box on the left only for their striker to shoot tamely wide. Warning signs were there for the Sky Blues though and only a few minutes later a ball through the middle eluded the scattered defence but again SBA blushes were saved only from some tame finishing. After a series of Watford corners they broke clear into SBA territory again and forced an outstanding save from The Colonel diving to his left and parrying wide. Seeming somewhat troubled by the event Pete became a little vocal in letting his team mates know his thoughts on how they were playing and how they could improve… Enter Sam Cledwyn.

After a fairly quiet half hour or so for his standards and against the run of play Foxy Foxon picked out Cledwyn on the edge of the Watford box from a Pete Myton Clearance. After shrugging off his marker well Sam slotted home from 18 yards after fooling the keeper and all around him that he was really going for the lob! It mattered not, 1-0 to the SBA. Jackie had to go off shortly after the goal, I think his exact words were: “I can’t play anymore I’m going to pass out.”

“Fair enough” said I. Jackie’s place was taken by Simon from Watford who kindly offered his services.

To be fair the rest of the first half was a bit flat and crap… ‘Nuff said!

Half time, and the arrival of a team talk that I had been practising for many moons…

Ali: Er… Right then lads, well done so far but I’m going to make a couple of changes, give us a bit more punch. Lewis, you re going to right back and I’m going up front.

SBA: You scumbag…

The changes at half time had an immediate impact as Watford took advantage of the change in the SBA defence. After some jiggery pokery on the right flank their bloke pulled it back to another of their blokes who slotted home from close range. 1-1.

Pretty soon after Watford had another from a very similar move down their left flank. 2-1. At this point it would be fair to say that the SBA had dropped their heads and I felt as though we could collapse. However not having any breath from a serious lack of fitness I was not in a position to pass on my feelings or any words of encouragement to the team (thanks to Tim and Millsy for helping out!). But Mighty John Ahearne had other ideas and was not about to let his SBA debut be ruined by any southern type savages and stepped up to be counted. He picked up the ball on the right after hammering one of their midfielders to win it initially. Meantime on the left Millsy was making strides to get into the box and was waving his arm about and shouting wildly. Mighty John then cracked a perfectly weighty 25yard pass right into Millsy’s path for him to score an excellent diving header at the near post. It was true ’87 stuff and celebrations followed for the young winger. The SBA were back, 1-2.

However the exuberance was short lived as Watford scored immediately from the re-start. During the build up to the goal, which was truly tomfoolerous, Jose got ‘megged 18 yards out and Tim got made to look like a bit of a smoked kipper. Now I didn’t witness the look that Millsy gave the SBA defence following their shambolic previous 20 seconds but I hear that it was one of pure death and would have made even the nicest of your dear old Grandmothers keel over on the spot! 2-2.

Again SBA heads went down and Watford took the lead for the second time in the match with a goal that I can’t really remember (If anyone does let me know). 3-2.

Shortly after Foxy Foxon decided he wanted to get involved a little more than his already sizable contribution to the midfield. Foxy got hold of the ball inside his own half and went on a mazy run that took him past three or four Watford players. At about 35 yards out I heard the chap marking him say “keep him on his right; he’s only got a right foot”. What happened next can only be described as stupendous! Foxy, having heard the insult flicked the ball into the air with his right foot and chipped it over the player’s head and he volleyed it with his left foot over the keeper and into the net. It reminded me of a similarly impressive goal that David Ginola scored when playing for Newcastle and I tell you Foxon would not look out of place playing for them either. It was magnificent. 3-3.

By now the game had opened up considerably and chances were falling to both teams. And then from nowhere a moment that will live in my memory for a long time and one that for a long time hadn’t thought possible. Millsy jinked passed his marker and fed the ball quickly to the feet of Cledwyn who turned goal bound. The SBA broke in numbers with Foxon and me leading the attack. Having reached the box Cledwyn squared to Foxon who skipped past his man and laid it off to myself eight yards out. Having almost fallen over when the ball arrived at my feet I managed to turn and face the ‘keeper and defender and squeeze the ball past them both into the net. I was so shocked at the time I didn’t really know what to do so Cledwyn came over and cleaned my boots, which was nice. 3-4.

Watford, deflated by the SBA onslaught, lost heart and let our dangerous midfield players to have more time on the ball. Not having learnt a lesson from Foxon’s first goal Watford allowed him to make his way toward their penalty area. By the time they did get out to him he’d decided to remind them of his talents with another superbly executed strike from 20 yards which flew past the ‘keeper. 3-5.

John Ahearne made sure his name was on the score sheet after some neat interplay on the right flank involving myself, Foxon and Cledwyn. It took him two bites of the cherry after the ‘keeper parried his initial shot but he made sure with the second.

Final score: Watford 3-6 SBA FC

Moments to mention…

- Jose berating Simon (from Watford) when he himself got ‘megged and made to look a fool, and then congratulating the same Simon when Foxon scored the first of his brace!

- Jonny Hawkins solid performance in defence. Rarely beaten and looking fitter and leaner than ever it’ll be good to see Jonny making more appearances for the SBA. Well done mate.

- Finally that look that Millsy gave the SBA defence… I wish I’d seen it.

Finally, Shooters and Rooters!

For getting skinned one too many times and ‘megged without realising it (we had to fill him in after the match) today’s Rooter is Jose.

Shooter has to go to Foxy Foxon for that stunning goal; I don’t think we’ll see another like it for a long time. Absolute quality mate!

Well I hope this match report satisfies some of you vulchers out there and I hope you enjoyed reading it and the game itself of course. Come back and play for the SBA soon. We’ve got a trip to Leicester and Land ‘Ut Gods coming up so watch this space for details.

Whew!... I’m off for a beer. Adios.

Ali

Back to the world of numeracy

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws