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That night I chose to skip the concert. Instead, I tried to think of a way to let Justin down easy. I had to go back to Keith.
He was sturdy and dependable. I could count on him to be there whenever I needed him. There were no surprises.
But maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want that anymore. All the things that had seemed so important three months ago no longer seemed relevant.
Keith had reliability, but Justin had other attributes, a sense of humor, and an air of confidence I found irresistible.
But what if this affection for Justin was just a fleeting attraction? What if I woke up three months from now and realized that I wasn’t in love with him. What if I went back to Keith and missed Justin?
If I had fallen for Justin when I was suppose to be in love with Keith, then what would stop me from falling in love with someone else other than Justin? And was I really in love with Justin or was it just a fleeting passion?
There was only one thing to do. I picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number without thought.
“Pick up!” I urged as it rang a third time.
“Hello?” The voice was like music to my ears. I almost burst into tears.
“Mom? Can we talk?”
When I got off the phone I felt one hundred times better. My mother had made me realize one thing; I had to break it off with Keith. If what we had couldn’t survive a three-month separation then we definitely shouldn’t be getting married.
But Justin was not necessarily the one either. In fact, I was planning on taking a little break from men, be single for a while.
I glanced down at my watch. The show would end in half an hour. That would give me just enough time to work out what to say to Justin.
Bit I had to admit that I was more worried about what I was going to say to Keith. I knew that he would take it hard. In fact, I debated just writing him a letter and dropping his ring at his apartment while he was at work. That way I wouldn’t have to deal with his sad, puppy dog eyes when I broke the news to him.
No, no matter how hard it would be I owed him more than an easy way out.
My thoughts were interrupted by the shrill sound of the phone ringing.
“Hello?”
“Hey Beautiful,” a painfully familiar, sexy voice greeted me.
“Justin, we need to talk,” I said.
“I’m all ears,” Justin replied.
“No,” I said. “Not over the phone. Could you come here?”
“I’ll be right there.”
I hung up the phone and glanced around the room. It was only a matter of minutes before Justin rapped on the door.
I took a deep breath before pulling open the door revealing a smiling Justin in his pajama’s, curls tousled.
For a moment I lost my resolve. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms. His wide mouth was a reminder of the afternoon’s heated kisses. I felt my knees weaken and my palms begin to sweat.
I shook my head as if to clear it. I couldn’t be weak now.
“C’mon in,” I told him, stepping aside.
For a moment we just stood there, staring at each other. Then Justin reached for me.
“No.” I stepped back. “Let me say something.”
He looked at me expectantly.
I swallowed. “I decided to leave Keith.”
A grin spread across Justin’s baby face and he reached for me again.
“But.” I held up my hand for him to stop. “I need some time to think before I get into another relationship.”
He nodded slowly. “I understand.”
“It has nothing to do with you,” I rushed on. “It’s just that I have all this stuff to sort out. Keith was pretty much the only guy I ever dated.”
Justin nodded again. “How long are we talking about here? A week? A year?”
“You’d really wait a year?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course,” Justin said seriously. “I’d wait forever.”
“Let’s say two months,” I said. I raked one shaking hand through my hair. “And another thing, if you are at anytime attracted to anyone else, I want you to go for it. I don’t want you to feel obligated to wait for me.”
“I’d wait forever,” Justin repeated, taking my hand.
I smiled. “You say that now,” I said, “but you know I thought that I’d be with Keith forever too. I just don’t want you to feel...tied down.”
Justin stepped closer to me. He put his hands on my shoulders as if he intended to shake me.
“This is different,” he told me. “This is forever, but if you need some time to realize that, I’ll give you time.”
I pulled him into a warm hug whispering, “I hope so.”
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