| Color Blind |
| Part 1 Noa looked across the room. She observed the man standing there. He was talking to someone she had never seen before. His blonde hair was perfectly groomed. She knew he hated it that way. He wanted to be able to run his fingers through his hair. His blue eyes were scanning the room. He always kept an eye on everyone. Occasionally he would signal her sweet little things. The casual touch of his neck meant nothing to all the others in the room but to Noa it meant that he loved her. He would never look at her directly. He couldn't. No one really knew who Noa was. She was there all the time but she spent an equal amount of time with everyone. They couldn't link her. She never arrived with anyone and she always left alone. Noa felt a pair of eyes burn in her back. She slowly turned around. A pair of greenish eyes locked with hers. The corners of his lips curled up in a smile. Noa rubbed her arm. He nodded slowly. She loved him. He knew that. Their friendship was an odd one. The phrase three is a crowd never worked for them. From the moment they sat next to each other in pre school a friendship was formed. A friendship that grew closer and closer over the years. Till they reached a point of no return and crossed it. They looked great together. Nicky with his blonde hair and blue eyes, Shane with his dark hair and intriguing eyes and Noa. A typical Irish red head. Her eyes were sparkling green and her hair flaming red. Their friendship was all they had in life that was stable and she was about to ruin it all. Part 2 The three friends were all very tired by the time they arrived at home. Nicky opened the door and let the others in. 'We have a week off.' He said in a tired voice. 'I'm going to sleep for a week.' Noa smiled. 'There is something I want to talk about before we go to bed.' Shane moaned. 'Do we have to?' Noa nodded. 'This is important for all of us.' Noa walked to the living room and sat down. Shane and Nicky sat down on either side of her. 'So what's the important matter?' Asked Nicky as he rested his head on her shoulder. 'I don't know how to bring this any other way so I'll just say it. I'm pregnant.' The words seemed to echo in the silent room. Nicky slowly lifted his head of her shoulder. Shane stared at her in disbelieve. 'How�' Nicky was the first to regain his speech. 'How can you be pregnant?' Noa pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. 'I don't know Nicky.' 'So who�s the father?' Noa had feared this question. 'We all know that I can't answer that one Shane. It could be you, it could be Nicky.' Shane rose from the couch. 'I think we'll never find out.' 'Meaning?' Asked Nicky. 'Noa will get an abortion. This is something we don't need right now.' Noa gasped. 'No Shane. I won't get an abortion.' Shane kneeled in front of her. 'Please Noa. Nicky and I finally have what we always wanted.' A single tear ran down Noa's cheek. 'No one will find out.' Nicky wrapped an arm around her. 'Let's all go to bed and think about it tomorrow.' Shane nodded. Nicky helped Noa of the couch and they went to the bedroom. Nicky and Shane stripped to their boxers and Noa slipped on a t shirt. She crawled into bed. Nicky and Shane slipped underneath the sheets. Noa crossed her arm over Shane's chest and Nicky wrapped his arm around Noa. 'Try and get some sleep.' Nicky whispered. 'We'll talk about it tomorrow.' He tenderly kissed her neck. But Noa couldn't sleep for hours. She listened to Shane and Nicky softly breathing. One of them was going to get hurt. If not all of them. She had no idea what to do. Noa closed her eyes. She hoped that tomorrow would bring her all the answers. Part 3 Shane was the first one to awake. He was lying on the edge of the bed. He was used to it. He didn't have to turn around to know that Nicky and Noa were all entwined and sleeping softly. He pulled back the covers and stretched. He grabbed his bathrobe and walked to the kitchen. He had always been the odd one out. Nicky and Noa confessed their love for each other first. Only then Shane realized that what he felt was more than friendship. With them being together all the time Shane gradually moved in on the relationship. And now things were getting out of hand. Shane poured himself some tea and sat down at the table. He had to admit that Noa's announcement last night left him shocked. 'Early morning?' Shane looked up. Nicky stood in the doorway. 'I thought you'd still be sleeping?' Nicky shook his head. 'I heard you get up. I thought that you and I should have a chat.' Shane sighed. 'How did it get so far Nicky?' Nicky shrugged. 'You were there Shane.' 'Things just got out of hand.' Nicky suddenly slammed his fist on the table. Shane looked at him with big eyes. 'Things never got out of hand. We all had the chance to back off and we never did. We're in this together. The three of us.' Shane slowly shook his hand. 'I'm stepping out.' 'Why Shane?' Nicky sat down at the table. 'Why do you want out now?' Shane raised his hands in despair. 'I don't want a child. I'm not ready and most of all I don't want to end up alone.' Nicky reached out to touch Shane. Shane roughly backed away. Nicky raised an eyebrow. 'Don't be like this.' Shane rose to his feet. 'I think that I'm going to clean up the spare bedroom. I need some space.' He walked to the hallway. He turned around. 'Please try to understand Nicky. I don�t want to share anymore.' Nicky saw the pain in his eyes. Nicky felt sorry for Shane. All these years he never had the chance to love Noa alone. He always had to share her love with him. 'Just be gentle with Noa when you tell her.' Shane nodded. 'I never would intentionally hurt her. Part 4 Nicky stared at the paper. He had read the same page three times now but still he had no idea what he just read. He kept listening to the sounds in the flat. Shane was cleaning up the spare room. Occasionally Nicky could hear him laugh softly. That room was filled with boxes full of old, happy memories. Nicky also heard Shane sob just once. He fought the urge to get up and help him. Shane had to do this alone. He wanted to stay out of this. Noa had locked herself in the main bedroom as soon as Shane told her what he was going to do. She didn�t want to talk to either of them at the moment. Nicky didn�t blame her. Nicky sighed and folded the newspaper away. This was not how he expected to start his short but well deserved holiday. He rose to his feet and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Nicky stared in the fridge. There was nothing to eat. He grabbed his coat and walked to the door. �I�m going food shopping.� He yelled. No one responded. Nicky shrugged and made his way to the local supermarket. They all knew who he was but no one ever thought of bothering him. Fans stayed at a safe distance. Nicky took a trolley and walked down the aisles. He was started to feel a bit happy. He turned a corner and stopped dead in his tracks. A young mother was waiting at the bread counter. Nicky felt hypnotized. This could be Noa in seven months. Nicky smiled at the small infant. The baby smiled and blew a bubble. Nicky continued shopping. �I�m going to be a father.� He softly mumbled. His face clouded. �Shane or me.� Nicky suddenly felt sad again. Sharing had never bothered him before. Nicky walked to the cash out and paid for his shopping. He was lost in thoughts on the way back to the flat. He opened the door and laughter greeted him. He put the shopping on the kitchen counter and walked into the living room. Shane and Noa were lying all curled up on the couch. A pang of jealousy went through Nicky. �Hey Nickers. We were just looking at some old pictures Shane found.� Noa smiled happily at him. Nicky tried to smile but failed. �I�m going to fix lunch.� Nicky walked back to the kitchen. He took some deep breaths. For the first time ever he was jealous of Shane. Part 5 The bed was too empty. Noa missed Shane on her left side. Nicky had gone to bed early. Noa crawled in after midnight and still she couldn�t sleep. She could hear Shane toss and turn in the spare bedroom. Noa knew that she would loose one of them. She threw the covers off and walked to the spare bedroom. �Shane?� She slowly pushed the door open. �I�m awake.� Said Shane. He lifted his covers and Noa slipped in. Shane wrapped his warm arms around Noa and pulled her close. �Do you regret this?� He softly asked. Noa shook her head. �I only regret that it will break us up.� �You can still have an abortion.� Noa raised her head and looked at Shane with tears in her eyes. �It took me 4 months to tell you. I can�t have an abortion anymore Shane. It�s too late.� Shane�s mouth fell open. �4 months?� Noa nodded. �I didn�t know what to do. I know that Nicky would love a baby. But I also know that you don�t want a child right now. I was fighting an inner battle that I couldn�t win.� Noa started to cry. �I don�t want to loose you Shane.� �You won�t loose me.� His hand slipped down to her stomach. �You�ll be showing soon.� Noa covered Shane�s hand with hers. �I wish that I could turn back time.� Shane shook his head. �No you don�t. You want this child.� Noa sighed. �Why is so hard?� �Goodbye is always hard.� Shane�s words lingered in the room. �You are leaving aren�t you?� Shane nodded. �I�ll be leaving tomorrow. I�ll find my own flat.� �Don�t give up your friendship with Nicky, please?� Noa begged him. �I need time alone Noa, I never had something that was only mine and mine alone. I�ve always shared. I shared you with Nicky. I don�t want to anymore.� Noa kissed him. �I can�t change what I feel. I love you and Nicky. Just as much.� �I know.� Whispered Shane. Noa wiped away his tears. �I�ll never forget you. Never.� Their lips found each other. The remaining few hours of the night was spent making love. Both knew that this was the last time. Their own way of saying goodbye. Part 6 Shane left the next morning. He didn�t just leave Nicky and Noa. He also left the band and vanished. It was a big shock to them when a letter from Shane arrived asking for a blood test. He wanted closure on the subject. Nicky and Noa both agreed. Shane agreed to meet them at the hospital for the tests. He was already there when Nicky and Noa arrived. Shane stood at the window staring outside. �Shane?� Noa�s soft voice filled the small waiting room. Shane turned around. He had changed. His hair was longer and he hadn�t shaved in a few days. The always-present smile on his face was replaced with a frown. �Noa, Nicky.� His gaze moved to the little bundle in Nicky�s arms. �Is that�� Noa smiled. �This is our daughter.� Shane took a closer look. The child had dark blond hair with reddish glow. She was sleeping peacefully in Nicky�s arms. �She looks beautiful.� Said Shane in a strained voice. Noa felt sorry for him. The nurse entered the waiting room. �You can come in for the tests now. Mr. Filan already had his done.� Nicky followed the nurse leaving Shane and Noa alone. The silence was almost too much for Noa. �How are you Shane?� �OK.� He stared outside again. �Where you live now?� �London.� �Why did you leave the band Shane. Why didn�t you answer our letters?� Shane turned around. �I didn�t want to answer your letters. We said goodbye. I need to close this chapter and move on.� � I thought that we were friends.� �Do you honestly think that I want to stand on the side lines and watch you and Nicky be a perfect family?� Noa stared at the floor. �I don�t want to loose you as a friend.� Shane didn�t get a chance to answer as Nicky returned. �Excuse me.� Shane said. �I�ve got to take care of something.� Shane walked out of the waiting room. He went straight to the nurses� station. �Mr. Filan, how may I help you?� Shane looked the nurse in her eyes. � Whatever the outcome of this test may be. Nicky Byrne will be put down as the father.� �Mr. Filan�� �Please.� The nurse shuffled her papers. �It�s against the law to�� �I know that. But for the sake of the baby. She is Nicky Byrne�s child.� The nurse looked at the determined look in Shane�s eyes. �Only if you promise me that the truth will come out eventually.� �I promise.� Part 7 The phone rang through the empty house. Everyone was outside in the garden. Noa had to run to get the phone before the machine would get it. �Hello?� She said and tried to catch her breath. �Noa Byrne?� �Yes?� Noa frowned. �I�m Maggie Filan.� Noa promptly sat down. �Filan?� She echoed. �I�m Shane�s wife.� �How is Shane?� Noa�s voice quivered. �He passed away a few days ago.� Noa needed a few minutes to process Maggie�s words. Nicky had entered the room and sat down next to his pale wife. �He died?� Noa asked in a small voice. �He passed away in his sleep. I�m calling because you are mentioned in his will.� Maggie gave Noa the details on where and how. Noa put the phone down slowly. She looked at Nicky. �That was Maggie Filan, Shane�s wife. He passed away. We are mentioned in his will.� �Why?� Nicky stared at his wife with pain in his eyes. �Not a word for 18 years and now we are in his will?� Noa wrapped her arms around Nicky. � We�ll find out tomorrow.� The lawyer cleared his throat and started reading out loud. �These are my last whishes. The house goes to Maggie. The sports car is David�s. But you�ll have to pay your own speeding tickets from now on.� Shane�s oldest son smiled. �Julie and Joanie will receive a sum of �1000 a month when they turn 18. But only if they go to college and finish the education of their choice.� The lawyer frowned slightly. �I�m not so sure about this last part.� �They are Shane�s whishes, please continue.� Said Maggie. �The royalties and all the rights to my finished and unfinished songs go to my oldest daughter Ashley Mae Byrne.� Several mouths fell open and no one spoke. The lawyer looked through his papers. �I�ve a letter for Noa and Nicky Byrne and one for Ashley Byrne.� He gave the letters to Nicky. �There�s another message from Shane.� The lawyer opened a letter. �I can just imagine the room being very silent right now. I�m sorry to drop this on you like that. I asked the nurse to put Nicky down as the father. No matter what the test results were. You gave her more love than I ever could. My reasons for doing what I did are stated in my other letters. I couldn�t offer the love and warmth Nicky has given her all those years. I love my children but Ashley came too soon for me. I wasn�t ready to be a dad and I wasn�t ready to share. Please forgive me for doing what I did. I never meant to hurt anyone. I wanted what was best for all of us.� Epilogue Ashley Byrne sat on the front steps. She fiddled with a CD. Things were so confusing at the moment. 3 weeks ago she discovered that her father had died and she never even knew that he was her father. He had left all his CDs and the royalties to the songs he had written. There was one CD especially made for her. Ashley opened the CD-case and inserted the CD in her player. Soft music started to play. Ashley closed her eyes and listened to the lyrics. I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white pull me out from inside I am ready I am ready I am taffy stuck and tongue tied stutter shook and uptight pull me out from inside I am ready I am ready I am fine I am covered in skin no one gets to come in pull me out from inside I am folded and unfolded and unfolding I am colorblind coffee black and egg white pull me out from inside I am ready I am fine I am fine Ashley wiped away a tear. Her father�s voice still echoed in her head. His feelings were the same as hers. Ashley looked at the sky. She�d wished that she could have met her father. A raindrop fell on her head. Ashley gathered her things and went inside. Noa sat on the settee. �Are you ok, honey?� Ashley nodded. �Dad explained his feelings and I�m fine.� Noa smiled. Ashley walked to her room and placed the CD in her drawer. � Bye dad�talk to you again soon.� Lyrics: Colorblind by the Counting Crows |