| Forgiven Not Forgotten |
| By Alec |
| No one paid any attention to the young man sitting on the bench. He wasn�t dressed in rags nor did he looks scruffy. People rushed by in the rain. Maybe if they had been able to read his thoughts, maybe they would have stopped. The rain didn�t seem to bother him. He was soaked to the bone already. His blonde hair was sticking to his face. His blue eyes were filled with pain and sorrow. Nicky pulled up his legs and rested his head on his knees. He was so cold that he didn�t even feel the cold anymore. A train of thoughts kept going through his head. He could end it all right here and right now. All he had to do was get up and walk straight forward into the Liffey. No one would try to stop him. Everyone was too busy with his own life to care about others. He stared at the dark water of the river. It almost called out to him. Nicky shook his head. He was losing it. He stretched his legs and walked to the water side. He closed his eyes as he felt hot tears burning his cheeks. He had lost it two days ago. He had lost it all. His career, his girlfriend, his family and now he was about to loose his life. His thoughts wandered off to the last conversation he had. The big one. He had come back from a long and tiring tour through Asia. He was knackered and had a headache. The moment he opened the front door he heard his mum. Nicky sighed. That was the last thing he needed and wanted at the moment. He dropped his bags on the floor and walked to the living room of the apartment Georgina and he rented. He forced a smile on his face. �Hello Nicky.� Georgina was beaming. Nicky saw his parents and his brother and sister sitting on the couch. �Hi all.� Nicky sat down in his favourite seat. �What�s the welcome for?� He knew that he sounded a bit harsh. �Oh Nicky.� His mother said and clapped her hands. �Georgina just told us some wonderful news.� Nicky turned his head and looked at Georgina. �What news?� He asked. �I�m pregnant Nicky. We�re getting a baby?� �A baby?� Echoed Nicky. �Isn�t it wonderful?� Exclaimed his mother. Nicky slowly rose to his feet. �Who else knows?� He said with a cold undertone. �Well just your family. Aren�t you happy?� �Aren�t I happy?� Nicky laughed sarcastically. �I�m surprised that you haven�t phoned the Irish Times yet.� �Nicky!� His father spoke for the first time. �What dad?� Snapped Nicky. �Don�t you think that I should be the first to know? Huh?� His faces was inches away from Georgina�s. �Have you thought about how I would feel?� Georgina started to cry. �Crying won�t get you anywhere.� Hissed Nicky. His father grabbed his arm. �What is the matter with you, son?� Nicky saw the anger in his dad�s eyes. �Nothing is the matter with me. I don�t want or need this child.� His mother gasped and nearly passed out. �It will bloody well ruin my career.� The sound of his father slapping him echoed through the room. Nicky stepped away. �I�ve had enough.� He said. �You.� He pointed at Georgina. �You can have an abortion if you want anything to do with me. And you.� He pointed at his parents. �Can leave right now.� �No.� Georgina stood up. �You can leave Nicky. I thought that you would be happy.� �How can I be happy? You dropped this on my like a bombshell. But don�t worry. I�ll leave.� And so he did. Without his coat, without his money and without his family. That was two days ago. He had found some spare change and bought some food and a bottle of vodka. The food was gone and the bottle nearly empty. He was slightly disappointed that no one had come looking for him but on the other hand it didn�t surprise him. Nicky knew that he had over reacted. He had thought about it long and hard. He was going to be a father. If Georgina hadn�t had the abortion. And if she was willing to see him ever again. A small life was growing inside her. A life that was a part of him. Nicky walked back to the bench. The rain had stopped. He was starting to get really cold. A fog started to rise from the Liffey. Maybe it was time that he went home. Nicky stopped at the beginning of the familiar street. His heart was pounding in his throat. He couldn�t see his parents car anywhere. The sun was coming up. Nicky rubbed his face. He had spent the night debating whether he should go home or not. Georgina could be there or not. His parents could be there or not. Nicky walked closer to the house. The lights were off. That was a good sign. The paperboy passed him on his bike. Nicky ignored the funny look he received. He stared at the front door. The key was burning in his pocket. He opened the door and entered the building. It still looked the same. He walked down the hall to the front door of his apartment. He placed the key in the lock. He could still open the door. Somehow Nicky was relieved that they hadn�t changed the locks. He walked straight to the living room. He wanted to turn on the heating so that he could get a bit warmer. Nicky was shocked to see Georgina sleeping on the couch. Nicky stood frozen on the spot. He wanted to move but his legs were unable to. She looked so vulnerable. She was curled up in a ball. Her hands were placed protectively over her stomach. Georgina looked tired. Nicky slowly sank to his knees. His legs couldn�t carry him anymore. He had hurt her so bad. Nicky covered his head in his hands. He was a bastard. A bastard who had no right to be here. He ought to get up and pack his bags. �Nicky?� Her soft voice startled him. Nicky slowly raised his head. Tears had drawn white streaks down his dirty cheeks. Georgina stared at him with nothing but tenderness in her eyes. No pain and no hate. �I�m� I�� Nicky couldn�t find the words to say. �Shh.� She sat up straight. Nicky backed away. �Nicky please.� Georgina reached out her hand. �I�m glad that you are back.� Nicky closed his eyes. He couldn�t tell her that he was leaving again. �I�m not�I have�� He could hear Georgina rise to her feet. She sat down beside him. �Why Nicky? Why did you do it?� Nicky felt her arms around him. He didn�t want her to touch him. He was dirty. Georgina lifted his face. Nicky opened his eyes. �Why?� She asked again. Nicky shook his head. Tears welled up in his eyes. �Sorry.� He stuttered. �So Sorry.� Georgina touched his cheeks and wiped away the tears. �Where have you been?� Nicky took a deep breath and tried to get him self together again. �I sat on a bench down at the Liffey.� �Bryan went looking for you. He searched all over town.� Nicky looked away. �I didn�t want to be found. I should leave again.� He tried to get up but Georgina held him down with a strength that surprised Nicky. �What are you so scared of Nicky?� Nicky stared at the floor. �A baby George. A child. I�m not ready for that.� Georgina released his arm. �Do you think that I am? Do you think that I want to be a mother at this age?� Nicky looked up and saw the tears in her eyes. �I didn�t except you to jump with joy but I didn�t expect this either.� �You practically told everyone before me.� Georgina leant back against the couch. �Your parents were there when I got the call. I was feeling ill and had some tests done. I was so shocked that I repeated what the doctor told me.� Georgina took his hand in hers and entwined their fingers together. �I didn�t want them to know. Not now. Not so soon. I wanted to enjoy this secret with you. Just you and me.� She placed a hand on her stomach. �And this little miracle. I can�t kill this life Nick.� Nicky started crying. �I don�t want you to.� He buried his head in her lap. �I did a lot of thinking. First I thought that taking my own life would be the best option for us all.� Georgina gasped. �I couldn�t take that last step. I wanted to do it so bad. I sat on that bench for two days. I�ve lost it all. I�ve lost you, my family and my friends. No one will talk to me after what I said.� Georgina brushed the dirty and sticky hair out of Nicky�s face. �Your mother has forgiven you already. All you need to do is go and talk to them. Explain them your fears.� Nicky snuggled closer. �As for me. I�m not going anywhere. I love you Nicky. I can understand the shock. It was one for me too. And it wasn�t the best time that you were told. You are forgiven. I might not be able to forget those words very soon but time heals all wounds.� Nicky felt the wetness of her tears on his face. He raised his hand and wiped them away. �I�m not worth crying over.� He said in a hoarse voice. Georgina nodded. �You are worth so much to me.� Their lips touched in a tender and comforting kiss. �I think that I have some apologising to do tomorrow.� Georgina nodded. �You can start off by making us a nice breakfast. You must be starving.� Nicky smiled. �Breakfast for three.� Four.� Said Georgina. Nicky paled. �Four? Twins?� Georgina started laughing. �No, Bryan is sleeping in the guestroom. He didn�t want to leave me alone.� Nicky let out a relieved sigh. Nicky stared at the perfect little creature in his arms. Two big blue eyes that carefully memorised everything that came in view. A tiny little nose that would wrinkle when an annoying cry for food was heard. Red lips that would make boys crazy in eighteen years time. Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. �How could I not want you?� Whispered Nicky. He have grovelled, begged and pleaded with his parents until they forgave him. Many tears were shed on that day. Tears of happiness that he was ok. Tears of anger and pain for the words that he had said. Only Bryan knew about the day that Nicky thought he had lost it all. He kept his mouth shut. If the time was right Nicky would tell the others. Nicky watched his young daughter curl her tiny fingers around his. She was a miracle. He had had eight and half months to get used to the idea of becoming a father. Now that he was one, he wouldn�t go back. Occasionally he saw the pain in Georgina�s eyes when she thought back to those hard days. He still felt guilty. He was forgiven but it sure wasn�t forgotten� |