missyouff

Part 1

I can't sleep, I just can't breathe
When your shadow is all over my bay
Don't wanna be, a fool in your eyes

Nicky couldn't sleep. He was absolutely exhausted but Shane kept him awake. They had done a photo shoot today and they had had a little fun with water. Shane ended up completely soaked. The only problem was he couldn't get warm anymore. And Nicky had been listening to Shane's clattering teeth for the last few hours. 'Nicky?' Asked a shaky voice. Nicky sighed. 'What now Shane?' 'Can�Can you get me another blanket?' Nicky pulled away his covers and walked to the closet. 'There are no blankets left anymore.' Nicky walked to Shane's bed. Shane was covered in four blankets already. 'Are you still cold?' Shane nodded. 'I tried a hot shower and some tea but I'm still so cold.' Nicky frowned. 'Maybe my mum knows what to do.' Nicky made a quick call to his mum but didn�t like what advice she gave him. He hung up and looked at Shane. 'According to my mum there is only one way to get you warm.' 'And that is?' 'Body heat.' Nicky sat down on the bed. 'She said that my body heat would warm you up.' 'I'd do anything to get warm again.' Nicky hesitated a little but than pulled back the covers. He stretched out beside Shane. 'It's not helping if you stay at the other side of the bed.' Shane said with a giggle. Nicky rolled his eyes and scooted closer. Shane felt like a massive lump of ice. 'God, you are freezing.' Nicky shivered. He pulled Shane to his chest and casually wrapped one arm around him. 'Stop clattering and get some sleep.' Mumbled Nicky. Shane nodded. Shane hoped Nicky didn't feel his frantic heart beat or his laboured breathing.

The next morning Nicky woke up a little disorientated. The sun shone on his face and he blinked a few times. He wasn't in his bed as his bed wasn't by the window. Nicky turned his head. Shane was lying with his head on Nicky's chest. His hand was lying beside his head and softly moved. 'Morning.' Mumbled Shane. Nicky's heart nearly jumped out of his chest. 'God, you startled me.' Shane quickly sat up. 'Sorry didn't mean to scare you.' 'That's ok. How are you feeling today?' 'Warmer.' Said Shane with a smile. 'Good, I finally got some sleep after you stopped clattering all night.' 'Sorry.' Shane hung his head low. Nicky sat up beside Shane. 'Don't apologise. You couldn't help it. You are feeling better now and that's all that matters.' Nicky pushed back the covers and got up. 'Do you want to shower first? Or shall I go?' 'Thank you Nickers.' Nicky looked at Shane. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. 'No biggie Shane.' 'No, I mean. Not every straight man would sleep in the same bed with a gay man.' The last part of the sentence was a mere whisper. Nicky gathered his clothes. 'I'm not straight Shane.' Nicky closed the bathroom door behind him. Leaving a very confused Shane in the bedroom.

Shane ran his hand through his hair. Nicky was gay too? So all this time he drooled over someone who could feel the same way about him? Shane sighed deeply. Waking up this morning was sheer heaven. He had dreamed about this for so long. Shane pushed back the covers and jumped out of bed. He ran to the bathroom and pulled the door open. Nicky had just finished brushing his teeth. 'Why didn�t you tell me or the other lads?' Asked Shane. Nicky washed his face and looked at Shane through the mirror. 'Same reason why you kept it from us for so long.' Shane sat down on the edge of the bath. 'But I fell in love with you and I was miserable for months.' Nicky sat down next to Shane. 'Listen, I'm raised believing that what I feel at the moment is wrong. I feel like I'm letting people down by having these feelings.' Shane touched Nicky's arm. 'Who else knows?' 'You and Georgina.' Nicky looked at Shane's hand. 'Shane�I.' 'Nicky�' They both spoke at the same time. Nicky looked up and his eyes locked with Shane's. 'I� I�' He stuttered. Shane rose to his feet. 'Sorry Nickers. I'll leave you to it.' Nicky stood up. 'Sorry.' Shane passed him. Suddenly Nicky pulled him back. A second later Nicky kissed Shane with all he had to give.

Part 2

'Cause what we had was built on lies
And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say

Nicky slammed his fist on the table. He had no idea where those memories suddenly came from. They brought back some well hidden feelings. His relationship with Shane lasted for two months. Than Shane realised he liked the longing for better than the having. It meant the end for Westlife. Nicky had tried to work with Shane but he couldn't. It was pure torture to spend so many hours a day around that man. Nicky had left Westlife. The remaining four continued with the success story. Nicky went on a long holiday and when he came back he started to work for a newspaper. He had worked hard and was recently promoted as sports editor. Nicky looked back at the newspaper in front of him. It got easier on him to see Shane and the other lads on the front page nearly every day. He quickly turned the page. He froze. 'The real reason why Nicky left Westlife.' Mumbled Nicky. He read the article. His mind was racing. Not a word was true. Nicky grabbed the phone and dialled a number. 'Hello!' Said a cheerful voice. 'Money huh?' Said Nicky. 'I wanted the big bucks? Than tell me why I worked my ass off for two years to get where I am now.' Nicky was fuming. 'Gee, Nicky, they twisted my words.' Nicky could picture them sitting there with a smile on their faces. Again they had attempted to ruin his life. 'Really Kian? They twisted your words? Poor you.' Nicky rubbed his eyes. He was suddenly very tired. 'Maybe it's time that I publish my book. You know, the inside scoop on Westlife.' Kian didn't answer him. 'Bye Kian.' Nicky hung up. Kian and Mark never really accepted the reason why Nicky left the band. They had started a massive hate campaign against him and nearly succeeded to bring Nicky down. Nearly because Nicky married Georgina and all the rumours about him being gay suddenly seemed so unbelievable.

'Another one huh?' Georgina's voice startled Nicky. 'When are you going to give all the letters you have written over the last few years?' She sat down on his desk. 'Don't do this to yourself Nick. He made it perfectly clear that he didn't love you anymore.' Nicky looked at his wife. 'He may not love me anymore but I still love him.' Georgina sighed. She ran a hand through Nicky's hair. 'Why don't you call him?' Nicky leaned back in his chair. 'I tried to call. It seems like Mark and Kian are controlling his phone. I can't get through to him.' Georgina wrinkled her nose. 'You're going to hate me for this but I called Ronan the other day.' Nicky looked at her. 'You did what?' 'Nicky please. I want you to be happy. So I called him. We had a little chat about Westlife and�' Nicky raised his hands. 'I don't want to hear it.' He rose to his feet. 'I don't care. Just leave me alone ok. I need time to think.' Nicky ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Georgina sighed. The lies had to end. And she would start by telling Nicky that she had fallen in love with another man and that she needed a divorce. Than she had to find a way to get Nicky and Shane in one room. Because deep down Shane still had to have some feelings.

Part 3
I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart I miss you...

'George!' Shane jumped up when he saw his ex-lover's wife enter the room. 'What are you doing here?' Georgina flashed a big smile and gave him a quick hug. 'I heard you were going to be around. I wanted to see you.' Shane sat down again. 'I have an interview in a minute.' 'I know. I just wanted to say to you. I haven't seen you in ages.' 'I'm ok. Busy travelling the world.' Georgina nodded. 'How are the others?' 'Ok.' Shane felt slightly uneasy to talk to Georgina. Georgina touched his arm. 'Well, I'll be off.' Georgina rose to her feet. The door opened at the same time and Nicky entered the room. 'Shane?' He cried out. 'Nicky?' They both looked at Georgina. 'Don't give me that look.' Nicky walked to Georgina and grabbed her arm. 'Is this your idea of a joke?' 'No, it's not a joke. Now let me go. You are hurting me.' Georgina pulled free. 'It was the only way I could think of to get you two in a room together.' 'But not for long. I'm leaving.' Nicky turned on his heels but Georgina stopped. 'You're not going anywhere. Sit!' Georgina pushed him on the couch next to Shane. 'All these years you've been moping around the house. You spent hours in your room writing those letter. Life outside that room continued Nicky. I started to live a life of my own. I fell in love.' Georgina looked at him with tears in her eyes. 'I want to marry him Nicky. But I want you to be happy. Please talk to Shane. Do it for me.' Georgina let out a single sob and ran out of the room. It remained silently for a few minutes. Millions of thoughts raced through Nicky's mind. He was sitting so close to Shane now. He could touch him. 'Nicky?' Shane's voice broke the silence. 'What was George on about?' Nicky got of the couch. He couldn't handle being so close to Shane. 'It was George's subtle way to tell you that I'm still not over you.' 'You're not?' Said Shane surprised. Nicky shook his head. 'Stupid I know. After all the pain I went through I still love you.' Shane blinked a few times. 'But why didn't you call or write?' 'Write what Shane?' Yelled Nicky. 'That I want to rip of your shirt and kiss you all the way down your chest to the sensitive spot right above your belly button. That I want to throw on a bed and make love to you till dawn?' Nick laughed sarcastically. 'Kian and Mark would have loved that, wouldn't they?' 'Kian and Mark aren�t here right now. It's just you and me.' Shane got up and walked to Nicky. 'I can give you what you want.' Shane was so close that Nicky could feel his warm breath. Nicky turned his head and stared at Shane. Their heads were close. Their lips almost touched. Nicky stepped back. 'I can't.' Shane trembled with anger. 'Great speech you held there Nickers. But when it gets too hot you bail out.' Shane strode to the door. 'Maybe it's time you start to forget Nickers. Maybe Kian and Mark were right all along. Maybe you just used me to figure out your feelings.' 'I never used you.' Whispered Nicky. 'I loved you. I still love you. You left me.' 'After I found out you were still seeing Georgina.' Shane and Nicky stared at each other. 'I never truly dated Georgina.' 'Don't lie to me. I saw the pictures Nicky. I saw you kiss her.' Nicky shook his head. 'You know what Nickers. I never loved you. I thought I did. But no. I can�t love someone that keeps lying to him self and others. Sl�n Nicky. Think about what your true feelings are.' The door slammed behind Shane. Nicky couldn't stand on his feet anymore. He collapsed on the floor. All the pain and anger were released and he started crying uncontrollably. How could he turn those lies into truth again? How could he make Shane see that he missed him? How could he prove his love was true?

Part 4

What would it take, for you to see
To make you understand that I'll always believe
You and I, can make it through
And still know, I can't get over you
And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say

Nicky drowned himself in work to forget about the meeting with Shane. He had had a long talk with Georgina and they both settled for a divorce. He moved in to a small apartment. Not that he spend much time there. He was always working. He didn�t even hear his mobile the first time it rung. But when the annoying sound continued Nicky looked up. He frowned and picked up his mobile. 'Hello?' 'Nicky, is that you?' He heard someone ask. It seemed as if the person called from a bar or something. Nicky heard someone scream and yell. 'Yes, who is this?' 'Nick, it's Bryan. I have to talk to you.' 'Ok.' 'Hang on I'll go somewhere quiet.' Nicky heard a door open and close. The screaming became distant. 'Hey, sorry for calling you like that but I need your help.' Nicky leant back in his chair. 'What help?' 'The screaming you just heard� Well that's Shane.' Nicky jerked forward. 'What's wrong?' Bryan sighed. 'Shane became a bit distant after that thing George did. He had terrible mood swings. Mark couldn�t handle it anymore.' Bryan paused for a second. 'He called in a priest to cure Shane from his disease.' 'What disease?' Nicky had turned off his computer and was about to leave his office. 'Mark thinks that Shane being gay is just a disease. That a priest can cure him.' Nicky cursed. 'Damn it. Can't they leave him alone?' 'Nicky, Shane lost it. He has locked himself in the bathroom.' Nicky stopped walking. 'He what?' 'He has a knife Nicky.' Whispered Bryan. 'He has cut him self already. I need your help Nicky.' Nicky ran to his car. 'Where are you now?' 'London. Savoy. Shane needs you Nicky.' 'I'll be there as fast as I can.'

Luckily for Nicky he managed to catch a flight as soon as he arrived at the airport. The trip to London never seems so long before. He arrived just after rush hour. Nicky called Bryan the second he sat down in the taxi but Bryan didn't answer his phone. Nicky didn't even bothered to ask reception where he could find the lads. He ran up the stairs to the fifth floor. His instincts were right. They stayed in the same rooms they stayed at when Nicky and Shane had kissed for the first time. Nicky could hear Shane scream from the hall way. He threw the door open and entered the room. Mark and Kian had a surprised look on their face. Bryan instantly gave him a tight hug. 'I'm so glad you are hear. He doesn�t want to talk to any of us.' Nicky glanced around the room. The priest stood in a corner. He was praying. 'Get him out.' Said Nicky. Mark opened his mouth to say something but Nicky stopped him. 'You do what I say if you want Shane to survive.' Nicky looked at Kian. 'I want you and Mark out too.' Kian nodded and left following Mark and the priest. Nicky sat down by the bathroom door. 'Shane?' 'Go away.' Yelled Shane. 'Shane, it's me Nicky.' Shane didn�t seem to hear. All he did was screaming go away. Nicky looked at Bryan. 'I'm going in.' Nicky stood up and walked back a few steps. He kicked the door in. Shane stood with his back against the wall. Tears streamed from his face as he slowly pressed the knife deeper in his arm. 'Go away.' He whimpered. Nicky ran towards him but couldn't catch him anymore. Shane's unconscious body hit the floor with a sickening thud.
Part 5

I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart I miss you...

Nicky sank to his knees and gently placed Shane's head on his lap. 'Call an ambulance, Bry.' His words seemed to shake Bryan awake and he ran into the other room. Nicky wiped Shane's hair from his forehead. 'What have they done to you?' Nicky whispered. 'I wish I could turn back time and make you love me again.' Nicky pressed his lips against Shane's cold ones. 'I miss you so much.' Bryan entered the bathroom. 'Medics are on their way.' He kneeled beside Nicky and tore off a piece of his shirt. Nicky frowned. 'What are you doing?' Bryan tied the piece of clothing around Shane's arm. 'I'm preventing him from bleeding to death.' Nicky looked back at Shane. 'What happened Bryan? Why did Shane do this?' Bryan sighed. He rested his back against the cold tiles. 'The priest made Shane drink something. It would help him get better. Shane lost it instead. He started screaming. In the beginning he called out your name than he just screamed.' Bryan closed his eyes. 'The screams still echo in my head.' Nicky bit his lips not to cry. 'They let him do that? Kian and Mark just sat there?' Bryan nodded. 'It's against their beliefs.' 'I was raised the exact same way. It doesn't matter who you love as long as you are loved back.' Nicky couldn't hold back his tears. 'I don�t want to loose him again Bry. Please promise me that he'll live.' Bryan moved a little closer and pulled Nicky in his arms. 'I can't make those promises but I'll do what ever I can to keep him here with you.' The paramedics arrived a few seconds later and Shane was rushed to hospital.

Nicky tossed and turned all night. He couldn't sleep. He sat up straight and turned on the night light. He blinked a few times to get used to the brightness. He grabbed his book and started to read. Someone knocked on the door by the time he had finished the page. 'I'm awake.' He said. The door opened and Bryan entered. 'I saw the light go on. I just wanted to check if you are alright.' Bryan sat down on the bed. 'I'm ok. I couldn't sleep.' Nicky placed the book on the night stand again. 'What's up Bry?' 'Nothing. Just worried about you.' Nicky smiled. 'We are ok Bry.' They both looked at Shane's sleeping form. His arm was wrapped around Nicky's stomach. 'I'm glad you are ok.' 'I told him the truth and so did he. It will be a long time before I can forgive Kian and Mark. They never should told Shane to break up with me in the first place.' Bryan nodded. 'They'll do anything to make things up to you. Especially Mark. He didn�t know the priest was a fake.' Nicky chuckled. 'We wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for that priest.' Said Shane as he turned around. Nicky kissed him softly. Bryan rose to his feet. 'Enjoy the rest of the night.' He said with a big grin. Nicky and Shane both flashed him a massive smile. Shane snuggled a bit closer to Nicky. 'I miss you.' Nicky raised an eyebrow. 'I'm here. How can you miss me?' 'I miss you just like you miss me when I'm around. I miss you when I sleep.' Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane. 'I miss you more.' 'Impossible.' 'Want me to prove it?' Shane giggled. Nicky took that as a yes. It would take a while before Nicky was done showing how much he missed Shane.