League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

Not now John, we've got to get on with the film show,
Hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow,
Who cares what it's about as long as the kids go?
-Pink Floyd, Not Now, John

Spoilers:

I'm a huge comic fan, and am an even bigger comic adaptation junkie. What I mean is, I love comic books, but I'm obsessed with their adaptation into films, television and animation. From Barb Wire to Tank Girl, from Vampirella to Road to Perdition. If it's based on a comic book, I'll see it sooner or later - it doesn't matter how bad the reviews are, how poorly it did, or even if no one's heard of it (G-Men from Hell?).

Anyway, this has been a great few years for me. Anticipating and seeing everything from traditional superhero fare (X-Men, Spiderman, Hulk, Daredevil), to non-traditional comics (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Bulletproof Monk, From Hell, Road to Perdition), to movies that are just comics- or superhero-related (The Specials, or the upcoming Comic Book: The Movie), hardly a week goes by after I finally see one comics-based movie that another comes out.

Unfortunately, as most people know (comic-lovers and infidels alike), comics-related movies tend to be sub-par. I have my own theories on why this is, but I'd probably bore you with them here. This year, comic book movies seem to living up to that expectation (well, except for X2), and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is no exception. Who had the idea to take an excellent story (from an excellent writer - Alan Moore), butcher it, trash it, and put it up on the big screen? League is based on a six-part comic mini-series, written by Moore. The comics were fresh, fun and fascinating. The film either removed or distorted everything good and interesting about the book.

Now, I do have to fight being a purist. But I read League while sitting in a Barnes and Noble Starbucks coffee shop quite a while ago. I have no real loyalty to the comic. And I'm not complaining that the film isn't "just like the comic." Only that the comic is really good and the film really sucks.

The film opens with the recruitment of Alan Quartermaine into the League by the use of a somewhat uncreative McGuffin (the term for the hook which draws Quartermaine into the story). And I think this is where the film is flawed. It's just wholly uncreative. Take a creative story, take a bunch of the creative stuff out, stuff it with Hollywood movie clich�s, and voila! (Think of a Romeo and Juliet adaptation, where Romeo and Juliet hate each other at the beginning of the movie, but through their fighting find that they actually like each other, eventually fall in love, and get married, much to the bewilderment, but ultimate happiness of their families. Creative, huh? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.)

But enough slander - on to the story.

The characters include a who's who of English literature: Alan Quartermaine, Captain Nemo, Mina Harker, Dorian Gray, The Invisible Man, Dr. Jekyll, and Tom Sawyer (well, you've gotta put that familiar American in there since we know movie audiences are stupid, won't know those English characters, and will need someone to relate to). They need to save the world from a "world war." Not a foreign concept to you and me, but probably something rather chilling in 1899.

So they go on their adventures, have some twists and turns, and...well, I won't spoil the movie completely - it does a good enough job of that on its own.

The film itself is just so poorly constructed, has such a poor story, and such poorly written dialogue that you just spend the whole time picking it apart. Throughout the action, there were actually times when I asked myself, "Is that actually physically possible?" And I've been known to sit through entire Bond films without asking that question.

Some of these things really stood out to me when they were driving the automobile - something most of them had never seen or even heard of before. For not having any idea what an automobile is, they sure do know the lingo, like "I don't know how to drive this thing", or "take the wheel!", or "keep your eyes on the road". I don't know, maybe they already used those phrases with the horse-drawn carriage�I wasn't there.

With all its flaws, I think this film ultimately failed in the execution. We can excuse a few minor infractions along the way when we get a good, tight, decently written story. But when the overall product is a failure, well, it's easier to nitpick the little things. But, I'll give it a 3/10 since it was entertaining enough to sit through (once), and I probably wouldn't have fast-forwarded through it had I rented it.

			See it if you read the comic or are just a comic fan and just have to see the movie, or if you like your movie clich�s coming at you faster than a speeding car in 19th century Venice. Don't see it if you like your films to be interesting and creative or if you don't like to see good actors wasting their talent.

© 2003 Jim Manchester