Q What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your car

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it is worth it

Q. What do tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration

Q. What is the difference between "oooooohhhhh" and "aaaaaahhhhhh"?
A. About 3 inches

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow

Q. What is the difference between Medium and Rare?
A. 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare