Once upon a time, in a distant country,
there was a Post Office.
But what was unusual about this Post Office,
was that mail was delivered by eagles and ostriches.

There were some things that eagles were better at doing,
like flying and delivering letters by air mail.
So, whenever something small and light needed to be quickly sent
from one place to another, the eagles went out.

And there were some things that ostriches were better at doing,
like running and carrying big packages by surface post.
So, whenever something large and heavy needed to be sent
from one place to another, the ostriches went out.

       *        *         *

All the young eagles knew what they would do when they grew up -
They would work in the Post Office to deliver airmail.

And all the young ostriches knew what they would do when they grew up -
The would work in the Post Office to deliver parcel post.

       *        *         *

One day, there was an argument between the eagles and ostriches
as to who was more important:

The eagles said,
"You ostriches are so slow!
Look at us -  
We are quick and can even fly over the lake
to deliver mail to the other side!"

The ostriches said,
"You eagles are so weak!
Look at us -
We are strong and can even carry heavy furniture!
Who needs to fly across the lake
when we can just run around it?"

And on and on they argued.

Finally, the elders on both sides got together
and issued a joint agreement
(which became known as the "Equal Avian Act"):

The ostriches came together and declared,
"BOTH eagles and ostriches are EQUALLY important".

At the same time, the eagles came together and declared,
"BOTH ostriches and eagles are EQUALLY important".

       *        *         *

One day, a young eagle decided that instead
of delivering light letters by air mail,
he wanted to carry heavy packages 
and run on the ground.

The other eagles were aghast!
"Why don't you want to fly instead?"

And the ostriches were flabbergasted!
"Aren't you too weak to carry heavy packages?"

But the eagle was adamant.
"According to the "Equal Avian Act" 
eagles and ostriches are EQUAL.
Therefore ANYTHING that ostriches can do,
eagles can do as well!"

The eagles and ostriches could not find any flaw in this logic.
(They were both bird-brains, after all...)
So they let the young eagle carry heavy packages
and run on the ground.

       *        *         *

Soon after, a young ostrich decided
that he wanted to carry letters by flying over the lake.

The eagles were flabbergasted!
"But you can't fly!"

And the ostriches were aghast!
"What a waste of your strong leg muscles!"

But the ostrich was adamant.
"According to the "Equal Avian Act" 
eagles and ostriches are EQUAL.
Therefore ANYTHING that eagles can do,
ostriches can do as well!"

The eagles and ostriches could not find any flaw in this logic.
(They were both bird-brains, after all...)
So they let the young ostrich carry letters
by "flying" over the lake.

       *        *         *

Other eagles decided that they wanted
to imitate that young eagle who wanted
to deliver parcel post the way ostriches did.

And other ostriches decided that they wanted
to imitate that young ostrich and
deliver air mail the way eagles did.

Soon, the Post Office received many complaints:

People received letters that were wet and soggy -
because after leaping into the air, 
the ostriches would splash into the lake
and get their mail wet.

And people found that their mail packages arrived late -
as the eagles strained to carry them on their backs.

But everytime someone tried to tell the misguided eagles 
and the misguided ostriches that they needed
to return to their original roles,
they both pointed to the "Equal Avian Act".

And they both said together:
"Eagles and ostriches are equal!"
"Ostriches and eagles are equal!"
while they continued with what they were doing.

So, the people continued to get terrible service 
from the Post Office.

       *        *         *

One day, a young eagle had an idea:
If he could transplant ostrich legs onto his body,
he would be able to carry heavy parcels with ease!

On the same day, a young ostrich had an idea:
If he could transplant eagle wings onto his body,
he would be able to fly over the lake with ease!

They bumped into each other as they 
rushed excitedly back to the Post Office
to tell everyone about their ideas.

Their parents were aghast and flabbergasted:
"What kind of eagle has ostrich legs?"
"What kind of ostrich has eagle wings?"

But the young eagle and the young ostrich were insistent.
According to the "Equal Avian Act",
"Eagles and ostriches are equal!"
"Ostriches and eagles are equal!"
"So what does it matter if an eagle has ostrich legs?"
"So what does it matter if an ostrich has eagle wings?"

The eagles and ostriches could not find any flaw in this logic.
(They were both bird-brains, after all...)
So they let them proceed with the transplants.

Although the young ostrich could fly a little higher and further,
the eagle wings were still too small for him.
And he still splashed into the lake after some time.
(But the young ostrich was pleased with his improvement at flying.)

And although the young eagle could run faster,
the heavier ostrich legs meant that he could not fly
as well as he did before.
(But the young eagle was pleased with his improvement at running.)

Meanwhile, the people received slightly better service
from the Post Office.  But it was still not as good
as the service they used to get before.

       *        *         *

One day, a baby eagle was born with weak and malformed wings.
Both parents were extremely worried.
And they went to see a doctor so that
they could get medicine and medical treatments
to help their baby's wings develop properly.

But the doctor was an ostrich 
and he pointed to his own weak and stubby wings.
"There is nothing wrong with your baby's wings!
They are just like mine.
Ostriches and eagles are equal.
So it doesn't matter if an eagle has ostrich wings."

The eagles could not find any flaw in this logic.
(They were both bird-brains, after all...)
So they went home satisfied.

But their baby eagle never learnt to fly.

       *        *         *

Soon after, a baby ostrich was born with weak and malformed legs.
Both parents were extremely worried.
And they went to see a doctor so that
they could get medicine and medical treatments
to help their baby's legs develop properly.

But the doctor was an eagle 
and he pointed to his own weak and stubby legs.
"There is nothing wrong with your baby's legs!
They are just like mine.
Eagles and ostriches are equal.
So it doesn't matter if an ostrich has eagle legs."

The ostriches could not find any flaw in this logic.
(They were both bird-brains, after all...)
So they went home satisfied.

But their baby ostrich never learnt to run.

       *        *         *

Soon the country was filled with a 
strange assortment of creatures:

There were eagles with ostrich legs
that could not fly or run properly.
And there were ostriches with eagle wings
that could not run or fly properly.

There were eagles with ostrich wings
that could not fly at all.
And there were ostriches with eagle legs
that could not run at all.

But all this was considered an acceptable state of affairs.

Every day, the eagles and ostriches would get together
and affirm to each other:
"Eagles and ostriches are equal!"
"Ostriches and eagles are equal!"

       *        *         *

This situation progressed for many years, until eventually, 
all the eagles forgot how to fly.
and all the ostriches forgot how to run.

So, the Post Office closed down
because there was no one left 
capable of delivering mail any more.




J.K.
April 10, 2002