An exchange twixt Two in the Know; Libby and Pol ov'r a pot of decaf.
Lib. Sorry couldn't get back to you sooner. Emergency Out West, you Know. The Dash(b) is catching Hell cause he's just being himself. An the Voters are waking up to it.
Gov. Know what 'u mean, this time of year just wears one out. With all the mandatory leave taking and Holidays, so many I can't name them all. But tell me, how's it goin, Down South. Are we still stirring the pot over the counts. I thought Charles II had laid all that to rest, no more Petitions an such, but somehow you-all found a way around it. Guess with L'Estrange dead and buried, the Press can do what it Damn well pleases all in the Name of Justice.
Lib. You Bet (That's how the folks in SD say it.) Or as the punsters say, hang lose. We got all the evidence needed to make our man the One, but he up and quits a'fore we had a go at the Courts. The Jerusalem boy was good, should have had him at the top of the ticket rather than the ot'er way around. Irregardless, next time around we'll not only have the boxes stuffed and the Names properly registered but with the new machines, even my cat will be able to vote and not screw up the ballot.
Gov. How's that?
Lib. Got the Florida Crackers to buy into these gadgets that are near fool proof. That means that the fools running the election can't tell who voted, for whom, or even when. I've heard that you can even program the chips to add a few votes now and then, for the right woman. Know what I mean?
Gov. Now that's something we here inside the Belt can get into. I've been laying low since the Big Guy left town, but it's bout time for us to start up a ruckus again. You know we've got the Commission packed and how. Get'tin the Ed people involved was a great idea. Kids can't vote but they sure can twist the knife in the "Consenting" adults, Know what I mean?
Lib. Tell me more.
Gov. Well by pushin the 'lectronics to the Classes, we'r train'n them to be on the right side of the issues.
Lib. You mean, Left side?
Gov. Right. Whoops, there I go again. Got to remember to just give short answers like Yes and No, in case I get called up to testify.
Lib. Testify bout what?
Gov. Well lots of the Press now are getting down right (can't say left) ornery. Trying to hang all the stuff on the II, but it wont fly. An, some of the People are beginnin to recollect that we did sort of look the other way when the Gates were swinging wide. It's like the Popish thing all ov'r agin. So much misinformation has been spread around. But not just a few are remembering all the Puffery that took place when we (Oops) His Highness was on the ropes and Byrd's Parliament was running the show. Now, when that Rummy guy starts to talk, it sounds so logical it puts us all in a bind.
Lib. But how about the End-Run thing down in Houston? Sure looks like there's more than a few hiding in the Bushes.
Gov. Well as it's playing out, the bean counters are the ones that r' taking the heat. My pappy told me, "Along comes a guy with a good idea, hires himself a tradesman to build it and they make a pot full of money; with money in the bank it's natural that they hire an engineer to write specifications that no one needs; stock pushers take the business public; then the accountants come in and tell them how to run the business which naturally goes south on them; so they call for the hatchet lady to come in and fire all the good employees and keep those that are PC; of course by that time it's a hornet's nest but the higher muck-d-mucks who pushed the stock on the little guy are gone from the scene with their pockets lined. Know what I mean?
Lib. Best not to dig too deep or you'll find sonny boy Davis in some of the mischief. His be-hinds covered when the shift of blame goes to big oil, energy and such.
Gov. Well that's not too different from how things play out on the Hill. First there's a need for some new legislation or maybe a tweak of an old law, but by the time it's gone through committees and rewrites there's no telling what the "need" was. Then they give it to us Gov guys to "interpret" which means we can do what we please and say "it's the law". Later, after the courts get through with it, it's time to start all over. Course, by that time we've got our GS -19's or so and can sell our modest suburban home for nuff to live like royalty down South.
Lottaman (emerging from the water closet in which he's been hiding)- Minds me of what Hudibras said to Ralpho in Part III, Canto II, line 136 - 164.
But when they came to treat and transact,
And share the spoil of all th' had ransackt,
To botch up what th' had torn and rent,
Religion and the Polernment,
They met no sooner, but prepar'd
To pull down all the war had spar'd;
Agreed in nothing but t' abolish,
Subvert, extirpate, and demolish:
For knaves and fools b'ing near of kin
As Dutch Boors are t' a Sootherkin(c),
Both parties join'd to do their best
To damn the public interest,
And herded only in consults,
To put by one another's bolts;
T' out cant the Babylonian labourers(d),
At all their dialects of jabberers,
And tug at both ends of the saw,
To tear down Polernment and law.
For as two cheats that play one game,
Are both defeated of their aim,
So those who play a game of state,
And only cavil in debate,
Although there's nothing lost or won,
The public bus'ness is undone;
Which still the longer tis in doing,
Becomes the surer way to ruin.
Lib. U know that sort of makes sense. Who's this guy Hudibras, we better keep an eye on him, he just might turn a poem to the Rich-Chief pardon and the ways of politics down South in Arkansas and its neighbors. Reminds me of the song they sang down in Tennessee. Remember it Gov? Went something like this, "Pardon me Ray..." Course, Ray Blanton was the Gov of Al's state and pretty much ran things the way he wanted, till he got his tail in a crack.)
Gov. Well there's lots about Tennessee you'll never see in the papers, over in Ripley, they found the sheriff checked in at the local motel with a sheep. Don't know if they were registered mister and misses or not, I think he claimed he was holding a(n) ewe as evidence as it had been stolen. Thought it wouldn't look so bad on his record.
Lottaman Sure, and that's the home of old Ed Jones, of House of Representatives fame. Ed was on the Agri Committee, since he said he was a farmer. Course, his tenant farmer filed for bankruptcy and old Ed didn't even know it.
Lib. Or how about the Bicycle Bandit, prominent member of the Brownsville country club. Got caught cause one of his golf playing buddies recognized the bike as belonging to one of the kids. And it goes on and on.
This guy Hudibras could surely make a bit of rhyme about all this and confuse the issues so no one would know if it was the Democrats or Republicans that were caught with their hand in the cookie jar. We could use a man like him, know what I mean?
Lottaman. Well they put Butler, Sam that is, under six feet cause, he was about to stir up the King and all his men. Said he died of natural causes, probably a bit of rat poison or bad wine or whatever. Sort of like the coincidences that Hill and Bill's friends seem to always have coming their way.
Gov. Nuf of that. That issue is dead and buried. Ya know what I mean?
And, as the decaf was cold, the three went out, arm-in-arm, to see if there might just be some congressional action taking place in the reflecting pool.
***
(a) Sir Richard Phillips of Boise City had this saying which he often
spouted just before becoming involved in a dispute at the local bars in
Tallahassee. He was "barred" from more than one because his disputes often
resulted in more than just an exchange of words. "Sticks and Stones ll
Break my Bones, but Words'll Nev'r Hurt Me."
(b) The senior senator on one of his rare trips back to South Dakota, tried
to rub shoulders with the locals in the coffee shops, who for the most part
didn't know who he was and really didn't care. Later he attempted to salve
the souls of those in Rapid by seeking a Polernment Grant to establish a
research facility in the deep underground gold mining tunnels to study
quarks and the like.
(c) Samuel Butler was not above twisting the blade in the Dutch as well
in his writing. Zachery Grey in his annotations to Hudibras suggested that
Dutch women were thought to keep heating stones or such under their garments
for warmth. And, was thought that (as with pregnancy), that they gave birth
to a "Sootherkin".
(d) The old world equivalent to Hispanics or wet-backs.
Lib whose full name is Lib E. Ral, is always leading the charge to remake government (and the people) in her own image.
Gov whose name may be recognized as Gov. E. M. Ploy, represents the fourth branch of Government, although not chosen by the people or their represenatives, they have become so entrenched in Wash on the Patomic, that they let it all hang out but never on the week ends or times of National hollidays.
Lottaman hales from Mississippi where he represents the interest of politicians who what to be reelected. ****
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