When Ebenezer Cook penned his poem of financial distress, he addressed the issue of how suits could be settled to the benefit of the offended party and impose a not small penalty on the defendant for his wrong doing. It is well to notice that the court?s judgment placed a hardship on the miscreant, denied the lawyers a bountiful take (other than what he had already charged the claimant) and made a just award to the claimant that would not be easily communicated to monetary gain.
This approach discourages frivolous law suits, causes lawyers to think twice before engaging the law to what might be their benefit, and provides punishment of the defendant that is not easily satisfied by the simple payment of money. Accordingly, it is a leveling influence in the court of law, to make once again, all men equal. Not bad for courts acting at the beginning of the eighteenth century (1708).
Here then begins the tale of how our ?Factor?, that is one wheeling and dealing in tobacco or other goods, came to grief; found the best lawyer that money could buy; went to the highest court in the land; found his case to be indeed just; and then to his distress, found the settlement imposed, gained him, not a whit of profit!
(Please note that f = s, is the spelling of the period and the poetry has been divided into four line stanzas* after Fessenden.)
I then began to think with Care,
How I might sell my Britifh Ware,
That with my Freight I might comply,
Did on my Charter party lie:
To this intent, with Guide before,
I tript it to the Eaftern Shoar;
While riding near a Sandy Bay,
I met a Quaker, Yea and Nay:
A Pious Confcientious Rogue,
As e'er woar Bonnet or a Brogue,
Who neither Swore nor kept his Word.
But cheated in the Fear of God:
And when his Debts he would not pay,
By Light within he ran away.
With this fly Zealot foon I ftruck
A Bargain for my Englifh Truck,
Agreeing for ten thousand weight,
Of Sot-weed [tobacco] good and fit for freight,
Broad Oronooko [tobacco variety] bright and sound.
The growth and product of his ground;
In Cafk that fhould contain compleat,
Five hundred of Tobacco neat
The Contract thus betwixt us made,
Not well acquainted with the Trade,
My goods I trufted to the Cheat,
Whofe crop was then aboard the Fleet;
And going to receive my own,
I found the Bird was newly flown:
Cursing this execrable Slave,
This damn'd pretended Godly Knave;
On dire Revenge and Juftice bent,
I instantly to Counfel went,
Unto an ambodexter Quack, [dealing out of both hands, as an Apothecary and an Attorney of Law]
Who learnedly had got the Knack
Of giving Glifters [raising blisters, a popular means of treating ills], making Pills,
Of filling bonds, and forging Wills;
And with a ftock of Impudence,
Supply'd his want of Wit and Senfe;
With Looks demure, amazing People,
No wifer than a Daw [jackdaw related to the American crow] in Steeple;
My Anger flufhing in my Face,
I ftated the preceeding Cafe:
And of my Money was fo lavifh,
That he'd have poyfon'd [poisoned] half the Parifh,
And hang'd his Father on a Tree,
For fuch another tempting Fee;
Smiling, faid he, the Caufe is clear,
I'll manage him you need not fear;
The Cafe is judg'd, good Sir, but look
In Galen, No--in my Lord Cook,
I vow to God I was miftook:
I'll take out a Provincial Wit;
Upon my Life we'll win the Caufe,
With all the eafe I cure the Yaws. [small pox]
Refolv'd to plauge the holy Brother,
I fet one Rogue to catch another;
To try the caufe then fully bent,
Up to Annapolis[The chief of Mary-Land containing about twenty-four Houfes] I went,
A City Situate on a Plain,
Where fcarce a Houfe will keep out Rain;
The Buildings framed with Cyprus rare,
Refembles much our Southwark Fair:
But Stranger here will fcarcely meet
With Market-place, Exchange, or Street;
And if the Truth I may report,
'Tis not fo large as Tottenham Court.
St. Mary's once was in repute,
Now here the Judges try the Suit,
And Lawyers twice a Year difpute:
As oft the Bench moft gravely meet,
Some to get Drunk, and fome to eat
A fwinging fhare of Country Treat.
But as for Juftice right or wrong,
Not one amongft the numerous throng,
Knows what they mean, or has the Heart,
To give his Verdict on a Stranger's part:
Now Court being call'd by beat of Drum,
The Judges left their Punch and Rum,
When Pettifogger Docter draws,
His Paper forth, and opens Caufe:
And leaft I fhou'd the better get,
Brib'd Quack fuppreft his knavifh Wit.
So Maid upon the Downy Field,
Pretends a Force, and Fights to yield:
The Byaft [biased] Court without delay,
Adjudg'd my Debt in Country Pay [There is a Law in this Country, the Plaintiff may pay his Debt in Country pay, which confifts in the produce of his Plantation.]:
In Pipe ftaves, Corn, or Flefh of Boar,
Rare Cargo for the Englifh Shoar:
(While others read the poem, the Sot Weed Factor, as an amusing ?satyr?[satire], ?in which is describ?d The Laws, Government, Courts, and Cosftitutions of the Country, and alfo the Buildings, Feafts, Frolicks, Entertainments and Drunken Humours of the Inhabitants of that Part of America.? there is a message here to be studied and enjoyed!)
The Sot-weed Factor; Or, a Voyage to Maryland. A Satyr. Eben. Cook, Gent., London; 1708. pp 22-25. University Microfilm.