Crows, Cats, Bears, Squirrels, Jackdaws, Capons, Cockroaches, Gnomes, Calves, Pigs

Sparrows on a Stick

Years ago while I was fighting for freedom against the Red Hoard in Korea, I stumbled into a darned good idea for a quick snack. It was the West's equivalent to the hot-dog, Cheeze Whiz, and potted meat.

I was at the marketplace when I first saw small rodents, squid, testicles and the like hanging postmortem, something the average American would find extremely unappetizing. I, on the other hand, enjoyed "rat on a stick" as I called it because I had trouble pronouncing some Hongul word without spitting on people.

I come from a long line of courageous diners.

Today I'd like to discuss small things that can/could be palatable. Back in Korea I saw something really neat; Flame roasted sparows. Sure, you think there's not much meat on those puny things. But that's where you're wrong. First, in a country with a population of 22 million in a state roughly the size of Florida there really isn't much else for the frugal gastronome to grub on. Figure a war that burned the country down to smoldering tree stumps, and a guy who needs to feed those kids, not to mention the in-laws? Meanwhile, several of these insta snack favorites (sparrows) are building nest in his fine hovel's eaves.

In a nutshell, there's a thin line between a meddlesome pest and a quick snack. It all boils down to (or roast to), you're bigger than they are and therein, that gives us the right to eat them. My Grandad, W. A. (judge) Wortham saw critters as a provocation to be overcome and digested. Life is out there for us and if you've got a shotgun, much the better. Nuf said.

There really isn't much to hunting/gathering sparrows. You've probably got plenty already building nest in your home, or even your neighbor's trailer. But before you go over and discharge a firearm, take a few details into consideration. My dad, J. S. (alchemist) Wortham always told me to think of what you'd hit if you missed. Said that after I accidentally took out his favorite rain gauge. Well as long as he thought it was an accident... Anyway, let's not get bogged down in intentional/unintentional shootings (your neighborhood sheriff should be able to square you away with that legal matter). At any point, there's a lot of flack flying around out there about "the evils of gun ownership" and militias and such. To avoid a possible demonstration, give a hoot before you shoot. Let your neighbor know what you're up to.

I'd recommend steel shot 'cause you can spit out pellets if you're using double-ought buck, like watermelon seeds. Lead sweetens the meat too mich for this author's piquancy. You'd have to counter the tang with pepper which could rob the flavor.

So you've bagged a few dozen lazy birds. Now time for preparation. It's pretty simple. For you gutless readers out there, it isn't too messy either. There's not much there as far as innards to worry about. That's what makes sparows so darned agreeable.

Insert a round stock steel rod right up the sparrow's rump, busting through the top of the skull (it's fairly soft). Aim for the vertical sort of shape there. To keep a nice even appearance and symmetry, you can take some bailing wire and wrap it around the tiny little claws. Don't skimp on the wire, or you'll be kicking yourself in the head over a few extra cents every time a barfbecue or a quick fix-it job comes along.

Cooking these guys is natural as roasting a marshmallow. You can season with something fancy like A-1, but I like to save that for the corn-fed. When you're done, they should be crisp, and the feathers (which should be just about all seared off) should fall off after a few sturdy shakes.

Wait 3 to 4 minute for the steel shot to cool. Lots of people will forget, smelling those suckers cook and not be able to wait. They'll learn.

The main particular of this little article is: "There's no such things as meddlesome pest." Keep in mind, food is a matter of perspective. When you're on top of the food chain that's a big screen perceptive you've got there.

Next week: Food From a Plastic Bag

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By Gregg Wortham, 1997. Originally posted on Rapid City, South Dakota's phantom web site which was abandoned when the lady left town to move to cooler climes.

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Other recipes and animal lore may be found by clicking on the links at the top of the page. See ya. ABOUT Joe Wortham

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