Jolt Wrestling Ambassador Championship Match
Hardcore Rules
Ken Kaze vs. Kenjiro Ito (c)



Why was this match even occurring?



Kenjiro Ito, really, could have just sat back and waited for American Hero III to appoint him a challenger. But no, the arrogant, egotistical Osakan had done something quite irrational, a spur of the moment decision meant to entertain him.



He had kidnapped Ken Kaze’s best friend, a trashcan named George.



This made Kaze mad, and so American Hero III, thorn in the side of evil that he was, decided to give Kaze a shot at Ito’s belt under hardcore rules.



Let’s give a round of applause for AH3.



Or, if you’re Ito, a poisoned cigar, take your pick.



“The Legend of Zelda” by System of a Down brought out the challenger, who had a crazed look in his eyes. The zany song fit Ken Kaze to a T as he wheeled down a SHOPPING CART full of weaponry. In a hardcore rules match, it was all as legal as a headlock.



Leaving the cart on the floor, Kaze entered the ring, trying to focus as best he could on the war that he knew was going to be coming, but it was difficult.



For his opponent was a master of mind games, and one hell of a competitor.



KENJIRO ITO

AMBASSADOR CHAMPION

FUTURE OF WRESTLING



For the first time since Ito had debuted, a pay per view event saw him making his normal entrance. The reason was simple; he didn’t think a match against Ken Kaze was WORTHY of his elaborate entrance. To Ito, Kaze was just another defense in a long string of them. No more, and no less.



He strode arrogantly down to the ring, wearing his blue robe and the Ambassador Championship around his waist. As always, he was ready for battle, ready to do what he felt he did better than anyone else as he stepped inside HIS ring.



Both warriors engaged into a stare down from their respective positions inside of the squared circle. The referee was asking both combatants if they were ready to wage war, but their nods of approval came out of mere ritual rather than compliance. A smirk became widespread across the Ambassador’s face as images of his victory over Wippit Guud in his ladder match from the ONI in Winnipeg flashed through his mind. Kenjiro Ito may not have been a natural hardcore wrestler, but when it came time to implement weapons in order to add additional damage to his opponent, he was one to do it.



Ken Kaze stole a glance at his grocery cart full of goodies located just at the edge of the ring. Images of beating Ito with the rubber chicken coursed through his mind. Those mental visuals quickly disappeared though as the sounding of the bell brought him back to reality.



DING! DING! DING!



Kenjiro began to circle around the ring, but Ken merely stood there. Rather than going with the usual routine of opening a match, he quickly dropped to the mat to roll to the outside. He was immediately reaching into his grocery cart, chucking every item he could grasp into the ring: an easy bake oven, the rubber chicken, and George the Trashcan’s “favorite” pink dildo to name a few.



Well, you can’t forget the cart itself, as Ken struggled to launch it over the top rope. Rolling back into the ring, he was met by stomps to the back of the head from his enemy immediately. The stomping assault ended shortly as Ito lifted Ken to his feet. An Irish whip later, and Kaze found himself on the receiving end of a forceful clothesline. He wasn’t on the mat long, though, as Ito brought him to a vertical basis once more. A kick to the gut was performed as Ito was looking to implement his power game immediately.



With Kaze hoisted into the air onto his shoulders, a powerbomb seemed sufficient enough for the Future of Wrestling. However, this didn’t fit into the Resident Moron’s plans at all, as he snapped a quick reversal with a hurricanrana. A loud pop ensued as Ken bounced to his feet energetically. He charged into the ropes and rebounded straight towards Ito, who was only on one knee, crouching over. A moonsault dropkick to the Ambassador’s temple sent him back to the mat.



Ken approached the easy bake oven and lifted it above his head, high into the air. The Philadelphia natives rose to their feet as the Hero of Hardcore slammed the plastic contraption into his foe’s sternum. He made sure to steady the oven on Ito’s chest as he took to the top rope. This was the Mayfall, damnit. And an Ambassador Championship title defense. Everyone knows you’re supposed to pull out all the stops.



And Kaze did just that, as his body gyrated into the air with a 450 splash, sandwiching the oven between both men’s chests. Ito’s body jolted upright for a second before falling completely flat against the canvas. Both fighters clutched their ribcages; Ken was rolling around, and Ito merely laid there.



However, it wasn’t long before Kaze was back to his feet. Ito was attempting to stand up as well, but he had only made it to both knees, pulling himself up with the ropes. A flying leg lariat from the reckless Ken Kaze sent both men up and over the top rope. Kaze remained on the offensive, rebounding from the thoughtless maneuver, and hopping up onto the steel steps. An attempted double axe handle smash was countered by the Osakan native, as he rammed an elbow into his rival’s gut. With Kaze doubled over, Ito delivered a DDT to the thin padding below.



However, the Ambassador Champion was relentless as he brought Ken back to his feet. He sent the crazed moron into the steel steps, back first, with an Irish whip. Naturally, this was followed up with a running knee smash into the chest of Kaze. A front facelock was applied, courtesy of Kenjiro, allowing Kaze to be hung out to dry. A stalling vertical suplex later, and Ken was rolling around on the outside, clutching his back in agony.



Ito grasped a hold of the top rope and pulled himself onto the apron. He tapped his elbow as he began running across the ring apron before dropping an elbow into Ken’s face. Of course, Ito was up to his feet almost immediately, and was aiding his nemesis to his feet as well. Hoisting Ken into a bodyslam position, Ito rushed the corner post, slamming his rival back first into the metal pole, nearly breaking Kaze in half.



Without releasing his grip, Ito swung Kaze onto his shoulder in an inverted Canadian backbreaker. He instantly began to rush the corner post once more, this time looking to destroy Ken’s shoulder. At the very last second, however, Kaze was able to slip out to behind, pushing Ito face first into the metal post. Kenjiro staggered backwards, obviously stunned.



Capitalizing on the moment, Ken used every ounce of strength in his body to carry the 256-pounder over with a belly to back suplex, dropping Ito on his head, literally. Not to waste any precious second of opportunity, Ken had vacated the site of carnage and was now rummaging beneath the ring. Out came a steel chair and a pair of . . . nunchucks?



Sure enough, they were.



“Cowabunga dude! I’m Michelangelo from the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, beeeotch!”



As Ken swung the nunchucks wildly, Ito was pulling himself up with use of the barricade. Turning around to face the moron himself, Ito seemed bemused as his opponent struggled to handle the nunchucks as if he were Bruce Lee. Ken neared Ito until they were three feet apart.



“I’ll show your chink ass how karate should really be! Hiiiiiii-yyyyaaaaaaaaaaa!”



Ken swung the nunchucks upward, looking to nail Ito just beneath the chin. Instead, he nailed him square in the face. Correction: He nailed HIMSELF square in the face. Ken’s nose began to run red immediately. Ito merely smirked as he swung with a straight right directly into the injured nose. Blood splattered everywhere. Ito clutched the back of Kaze’s head to slam him face first into the barricade, over and over and over again.



“Don’t ever try some stupid shit like that again, retard,” Ito yelled before spitting into his opposition’s face.



Ito reared back with his right hand and slammed a vicious knife-edged chop into Ken’s sternum, causing him to stagger backwards down the ramp toward ringside.



WOOOOOOOOO~!



As Ken’s body rotated 360 degrees to face Ito, he was caught with a second vicious knife-edged chop.



WOOOOOOOOO~!



Ken stumbled once more until he finally fell against the apron, panting to catch his breath. Ito wasn’t about to let that happen. He was in, “Fuck that shit, I’m kicking your ass” mode. A third knife-edged chop echoed throughout the Wachovia Center.



WOOOOOOOOO~!



Kaze’s chest was beat red, and covered in little splotches of black and blue bruises. He was clutching his chest in defense, hoping to prevent any more of Ito’s devastating chops. However, the fourth and final chop was unforeseen, and definitely wasn’t blocked. A knife-edged chop to the temple was forceful enough to send the Hardcore Hero to the ground.



Ken pulled himself up to his feet quickly, though, with use of the steel steps. He sent a weak punch into Kenjiro’s gut, but it had no affect whatsoever. Ken stood up to his feet and sent a weak punch into Kenjiro’s chest, and the same affect amounted: none. So, this time, a nice, swift kick to the balls was efficient to bring Ito down to the ground. Right? Wrong.



Because Ito was pointing at his Johnson as Ken was hopping around holding his foot. Evidently, Ito knew Ken would attempt a tactic such as that, and decided to wear proper protection to prevent the cheap maneuver from being successful.



Ken’s hopping soon came to a halt as he had been pulled into Ito’s clutches, 90 degrees, belly to belly style. Yup, you guessed it. Ken was brought up and over, spiked onto his head with the Blizzard suplex!



However, the hold wasn’t released as Ito rolled through, bringing himself and Ken to their standing positions. Once more, Ken was airborne before being drilled into the thin padding headfirst with a second Blizzard suplex. Ken’s brain was surely rattling around in his head at the moment. Not too many people could take two consecutive Blizzard suplexes and still maintain composure afterward.



But none of that really mattered, as Ken was dropped with a third and final Blizzard suplex to end the chain. Ito rolled Kaze’s motionless body into the ring, quickly following suit. Ito approached the corner as he stood atop the middle turnbuckle. He leapt into the air and delivered a leg drop across the throat of Kaze.



Only, there was one tiny flaw with this.



Kaze moved. Ito landed assfirst. Ouch.



Ken had rolled outside of the ring. In his hands was the steel chair he pulled out from earlier. Sliding back into the ring, he held the prestigious steel chair high above his head before driving it into his foe’s back with a sickening crack.



CRAAAACK~!



A second chairshot.



CRAAAACK~!



Of course, everyone knows things come in threes nowadays. I guess it’s because they say, “Third times a charm,” or something.



CRAAAACK~!



But something inspired Ken to be original on this day, as he delivered a fourth and final blow.



CRAAAACK~!



Dropping the steel chair on top of Ito’s prone, immobile physique, Ken took to the top rope to deafeningly loud cheers. He knew that with the slightest mistake this match could be over. But he also knew that with the correct maneuver at the correct time the match could equally be over.



So, when everyone thought Ken was about to perform your everyday, unoriginal and boring moonsault, he shocked the thousands in attendance. His body flew backwards, but he rotated forwards. This was more commonly known as a gainer frontflip, or gainer somersault. However, 450 degrees of rotation was added onto this bad boy as Ken connected with the gainer 450 splash!



Bones and flesh crashing into the steel chair echoed nauseatingly throughout the arena. Both men laid on the mat in a heap. It had seemed as if Ken had taken more damage than Ito had, and he possibly did.



The Future of Wrestling was the first to stir as he crawled towards the ropes, attempting to pull himself up. Kaze was still motionless. Ito forced himself to stand on his feet as he approached the steel chair himself. For the opening of the bout, Ito had went weapon-free and used only his wrestling techniques to injure his prey. But he decided it was time to even the odds, and whip out the equalizer against his opponent.



As Ken was on his knees now, Ito had grabbed onto the steel chair.



“Say goodnight, fucker,” Ito muttered, before delivering a disgusting homerun swing to Ken’s cranium.



Kaze crumpled to the mat like a ton of bricks.



Really, it was as good of a time as any for the first cover of the contest.



ONE!





TWO!





THR--KICKOUT!



“What the motherfuck?!” came Ito’s astonished voice, as the official indicated Kaze’s shoulder had risen up off the canvas.



Okay, so Ken Kaze was a retard who could take a chairshot to the head. Big friggin’ deal. The Bringer of the Ice Age dropped the steel chair to the canvas, and picked Kaze up, setting him up for what would surely be a skull crushing piledriver on the metal seating device.



Instead, however, Kaze managed to struggle, scoring with a back body drop that sent the Ambassador Champion tumbling head over heels to the canvas.



“KAZE! KAZE! KAZE! KAZE! KAZE!”



To the surprise of some, the usually heel-loving Philadelphia crowd had gotten behind the Hardkoar Legend. Ken next looked at the weapons that lay all over the canvas, trying to pick one to use.



He found…the dildo.



Yes, George the Trashcan’s favorite dildo. I really don’t want to know what his not-favorite dildo looks like.



At any rate, Ken Kaze picked the bright pink weapon up, raising it in the air to frenetic cheers from the capacity crowd.



This was it. History was about to be made on a Jolt wrestling pay-per-view.



The challenger swung the dildo like a baseball bat, getting ready to take Kenjiro Ito’s head off.



Ito stood, swearing at the fans as he turned into the line of fire.



“THIS IS FOR YOU, GEORGE! HIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAH!”



*CRACK!*



“YOU GOT BITCHSLAPPED!”



Clap, clap, clap clap clap.



The pink plastic caught Ito on the right cheek, connecting with frightening speed and sending the Ambassador Champion to the canvas. He spun to the canvas, landing flat on his back. With the crowd firmly behind him, Kaze dropped to the mat, and covered, hoping the gold was now his.



ONE!







TWO!







THR--NO!



Sadly, not even a dildo could end the Ice Age.



Kenjiro Ito rolled towards his corner, clutching his cheek painfully from the hard blow he had sustained. What he had in mind now was the ultimate insult.



From its perch on the ring steps, Ito grabbed hold of Ken Kaze’s bestest friend, George the Trashcan.



Fans swore (they do anyway, it IS Philly after all) as Ito raised the trashcan towards the charging Kaze. He swung for Kaze’s head, but Ken ducked underneath his friend, and came back towards Ito, screaming wildly.



“FRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!”



Kaze dove with a spear towards Ito’s groin, doubling over the Ambassador Champion and forcing him to drop the trashcan. George bounced once off the canvas, before it was nimbly scooped up by Kaze.



With the Ambassador Champion in pain, Ken Kaze went to the top rope, and took careful aim.



Down he hurtled, George aimed at Ito’s head.



*THUNK!*



And George connected.



The Ambassador Champion’s body fell to the canvas after the devastating shot with George. Kaze set George up in the corner, standing it up to watch Kenjiro Ito’s emminent demise.



Ito pushed up to hands and knees, unable to believe this was happening. He had the match so well in control earlier, but now, a fucking retard was pushing him to his limits. This was NOT supposed to happen.



As he stood, however, he saw an easy solution. Idiot Kaze had jumped on his back, for a crucifix. Man, that Kaze really WAS a stupid fucker, wasn’t he?



Ito rose easily, holding the challenger across his shoulders, poised to score with a big Samoan Drop.



It thus was to Ito’s undying shock that this PLAYED RIGHT INTO KAZE’S HANDS.



For the challenger was not trying for a crucifix. No, he snapped downwards as Ito began to fall back, using his grip on Ito’s arms to PLANT the Ambassador head-first with what could only be described as a crucifix driver.



Or, as the challenger called this move, never before seen in Jolt Wrestling, the DOOMSDAY CRUCIFIX.



Clearly, the champion had miscalculated.



And now, he was in no condition to calculate, period.



Ken Kaze threw his body weight over the downed champion, hooking the leg deeply, eyes closed.



This couldn’t happen?



Could it?



ONE!









TWO!













THREE!



*DING DING DING!*



For a few moments, the crowd was silent.



Then, “The Legend of Zelda” by System of a Down began to play again, and the fans went ballistic. Referee Jared Alexx retrieved the Ambassador Championship from the timekeeper, and handed the belt to Ken Kaze, who began a celebration the likes of which had not been seen for years.



Really though, no one could blame the ecstatic NEW Jolt Wrestling Ambassador Champion as he raised his arms in the air, holding the title aloft on all sides of the ring for all to see.



Sonny Silver, Alias, Aimz, and other superstars had failed to free the Ambassador Title from Kenjiro Ito’s iron grip.



But now, the reign of terror was over.



Ken Kaze, with will and determination, had ended Ito’s Ice Age.



Winner: Ken Kaze by pinfall via Doomsday Crucifix to become the NEW Jolt Wrestling Ambassador Champion.
Time: 10:18