2. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her.

3. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

4. Definition of Marriage: It is a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

5. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

7. I married the wrong man and therefore am wearing the wedding ring on the wrong finger.

7. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much doesit cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

8. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

10. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

11. A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

12. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

13. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

14. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

15. Fighting followed after this: My wife asked, "What's on the TV?". I said, "Dust!"

16. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

17. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

18. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

19. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent!

21. "To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all."

22. You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without."

23. "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short."

24. "Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."

25. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one"

26. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries until he gets a wife."

27. "There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect couple", the man thinks he is too big for her and she thinks he is too little for her.

28. Marry a woman who loves you rather than whom you love.

29. "Marriage is like a besieged castle or a beleaguered fortress; those who are on the outside wish to get in; and those who are on the inside wish to get out."

30. "Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory."

31. For a happy marriage: if you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

32. "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

33. "Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy"

34. "Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred"

35. "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

36. "Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree"

37. Marriage is the only adventure left to a coward.

38. "Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers"

39. "Twenty years of romance makes a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years of marriage make her something like a citadel".

40. "On second marriage, women try their luck and men their risks.

41. "Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist."

42. "Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person"

43. "Total amount of undesired commerce endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution."

44. "Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night."

45. "Most women have a good deal of pity for some other woman's husband"

46. "There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage"

47. "Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence"

48. "Marriage is an evil, but a necessary evil.

49. "The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character."

50. "Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open."

51. "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."

52. "Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose."

53. "Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."

54. "Marry in haste, and repent in leisure"

55. "An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her"

56. "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."

57. "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."

58. "For a young man, not to marry now; for the old, never at all"

59. "God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her"

60. "He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days."

61. "Marriage is debating about garbage without anyone taking it out"

62. "The man who has no secrets from his wife either has no secrets or no wife"

63. "A man who directs her wife to a car is either having a new wife or a new car.

64. "Good daughters make good wives"

65. "I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night."

66. "You draw sympathy for a bad marriage than for a good divorce"

67. "Before marriage a woman is pensive, after marriage, expensive"

68. "Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness"

69. "By the time, a kiss is felt more of a duty rather than pleasure, you are already married for long".

70. "The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married."

71. "Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose."

72. "Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."

73. "The only cure for love is marriage and so does a divorce for marriage"

74. " For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do part us"

75. "For the happily married, a glass of wine, and for the lesser lot, a cup of hemlock"

76. "Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures."

77. "Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three."

78. "Marriage is a romance wherein the hero is handcuffed"

79. "Be clever enough to appreciate, but not stupid enough to admire"

80. "Marriage makes or mars a man"

81. "Marriage sans love is more dangerous than love sans marriage"

82. "Why women do not gamble is that they already attained their gambling instinct by marriage"

83. "whether it's better to marry or not, he (Socrates) replied, "Whichever you do, you will repent it"

84. "Marriage has 4 rings:Engagement ring, Wedding ring suffering and enduring"

85. "Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil"

86. "Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth."

87. "If you go to war pray once; if you go on a sea journey pray twice; but pray three times if you are going to be married"

88. "It is easy to get married. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems."

89. "We are married for 25 years, but happily married for 25 months"

90. "Foundation for stability or jolt for divorce"

91. "Adorn and adore" is the secret of marriage.

91. "Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic."

92. "Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings."

93. "Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."

94. "Hanging and wiving go by destiny"

95. "Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner."

96. "Marriage is good dinner but a bad breakfast/lunch"

97. "Marriage is a mistake every man should make."

98. "Man marry to get peace and care; woman marry because she does not want to work"

99. "The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters."

100. "Marry your son when you may; and your daughter when you can"

101. "Marriage may be a stormy lake but celibacy is a dirty pond"

102. "Financial incompatibility is due to our wives'spending 7 days and our earnings only for 5 days"

103. "It is the duty of the woman to get married as soon as she can and that a man should prolong as long as he can"

104. "A successful husband is one who earns more than his wife can spend; a successful wife is one who finds such husband"

105. "At first a woman doesn't want anything but a husband, but after getting one, she wants everything else in the world"

106. "Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married"

107. "Marriage is a public confession of a private intention"

108. "Marriage is a state of antagonistic cooperation"

109. "Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course."

110. "Any husband who says "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge."

111. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

112. A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

113. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

114. "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

115. "Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

116. "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

117. "If you return rather late and still welcomed by the woman with love, care and tenderness, it means you have entered the wrong house"

118. "The single wish to be married, and the married wish to be single".

119. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

120. "Love is temporary insanity and marriage is medicine for it"

121. "It takes a moment to tell someone you love them, but it takes a lifetime to prove it"

122. "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood."

123. "When mistrust comes in, love goes out."

124. "The course of true love never did run smooth."

125. "Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the women gets her Master's.

126. "Of all the meanings of 'wife', "worries inherited" suits it well.

127. "It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get married.

128. There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for her. Eventually they got married and his wish fulfilled.

129. "Marriage is a matter of chemistry for husbands are often treated toxic wastes".

130. "The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife or(3) a better looking and richer male friend.

131. "Do you know why God witheld the sense of humour from women? That we may love you instead of laughing at you."

132. Difference between love and marriage is that of 'sweet dream and alarm clock.

133. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defence.

134. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder how?.

135. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens, in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens, in the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

136. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

137. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

138. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

139. Sure God created man before woman.. but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece.

140. Marriages are made in Heaven. So are thunder & lightning.

141. Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early kill people."

142. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

143. A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband than she did but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

144. The wise never marry and if they marry, they become otherwise.

145. "No person really decides who they are going to marry with, God only decides, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with".

146. "Married people usually look happier to talk to other people"

147. "A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."

148. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

149. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

150. A husband will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. His wife will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

151.