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Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
them at strategic locations.
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Ride those little electronic cars/dinosaurs at the front of the store.
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Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the
day.
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Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
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Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
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Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
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Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
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Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
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When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow
aisles.
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Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
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Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
the volumes to "10".
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Play with the automatic doors.
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Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..."
etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
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While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough
for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
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Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
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Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a
"test drive."
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Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
Continue to do this until they leave the department.
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Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing
field.
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As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and
say, "Wow. Magic!"
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Put M&M's on layaway.
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Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
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Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
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Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
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Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
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Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman.
Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
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TP as much of the store as possible.
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Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
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Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.
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When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
people just leave me alone?"
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When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling,
"Red Rover!"
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Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any
in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
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Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
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Take bets on the battle described above.
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Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
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While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
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Hold indoor shopping cart races.
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Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
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Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
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Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
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Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
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Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
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Two words: "Marco Polo."
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Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
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"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
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In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
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When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make
off with it without saying a word.
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Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
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When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
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Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
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Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out
much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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Hide little stuffed beavers all over the store, then announce to about
ten friends "BEAVER HUNT!". You can then go around asking people if they
have seen a little beaver.
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Ask for a product that requires a ladder to get down. Look at it a fewseconds
after the employee climbs down, then hand it to them and say thank you.
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Ask for wierd combinations of things like yard-gnomes and vaseline.
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Get a leash and collar from Pets and take a friend for "walkies".
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