"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining., "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said., "You all get 'A's."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this - my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said., "So I threw one at him."
"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
"What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager., "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
"You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly., "I married your sister."
To the houses where the husband was the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the wife was the boss, he gave a chicken.
When the farmer arrived at the end of the street, he met a couple who were outside gardening., "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am," replied the man.
"Well, then, I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said., "Which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one..."
"No, no, no... the brown one," interrupted the man's wife.
The farmer shook his head and remarked to the man, "Here's your chicken."
"You bet," replied the father., "When the Indians were the sole occupants of this land, they had no taxes, no national debt, no centralized government, no military draft, no foreign aid programs, no banks, no stock markets, no nuclear weapons, and their women did all the work. What could be more superior to that?"