Collage by Steph

Mac’s Office

She’s smiling at me. I can’t help but feel relieved. She was right, our baby deal was bothering me...but probably not for the reasons I’m sure she’s thinking.

What’s really bothering me is we’re still not "together". Now, I know it’s probably all my fault, but what am I supposed to do now? She just said I’m funny. What the hell does that mean? Sure I’m standing here, smiling like an idiot back at her, but I have no idea why. I don’t really feel like smiling. There are too many other things I’d rather be doing...

Instead of feeling better about getting this off of my chest I feel worse. I have just as many questions now, if not more, than I had when I came in here. She’s acting like this is no big deal. Doesn’t she still want to have a baby? Doesn’t she still want one with me? And if she does, shouldn’t we be in a relationship before we ever get to that point?

‘...It’s over a year away,’ her voice echoes through my head.

It sounds like a long time but it’s really not. The thing is, I’ve finally come to realize that it’s not soon enough. What if I wanted to up the time table? How would she feel about that? How would that effect everything else in our lives?

"Harm...Harm? Earth to Harm!"

My head snaps up when I finally realize she’s speaking to me. "I’m sorry...what were you saying?"

She’s looking oddly at me. What? Oh God! Did I say any of that out loud? I have that panicked look on my face again and I can only pray she doesn’t take it the wrong way.

"Where the hell were you just now?" She’s smirking.

I think as fast as I can for something intelligent to say. I can’t come up with anything, so I speak the first thing that comes to mind. "How about dinner tonight?" Good one, Rabb. She won’t suspect a thing.

She just stands there, expressionless, making me sweat out the answer. Man, it’s hotter than hell in here. In the next split second her eyes are twinkling and I can tell she’s let me off the hook for now, whatever her answer is.

"Buying or making?" she asks.

"Making." I don’t want to go any where tonight. I want her all to myself.

She pretends to ponder that for a moment before nodding in agreement. "All right, as long as you fix something I like."

Is that a challenge? I raise one eyebrow, just to let her know I’m not intimidated by her. Hope it works. "I’m sure I can come up with something." That came out just as suggestive as I meant for it to, and it has the desired effect on her. Her cheeks tinge pink and her eyes can’t quite meet mine. I like it. I like it a lot. "So, are we on, Marine?"

I can see the determination in her eyes as they meet mine. "Oh yeah. We’re on."

Harm’s Apartment
North of Union Station

Dinner is done, the dishes are put away, and now here we sit drinking non-alcoholic juice. That’s it. Just sit. She’s on one bar stool, I’m on another. She’s just looking at me, waiting. I have so much I want to say but I just can’t seem to come up with the balls to say it. I take another drink of my sparkling grape juice, hoping something stronger will magically appear and give me the courage I need.

Finally she puts me out of my misery. "Harm, what’s wrong now? You’re doing it again."

She doesn’t have to explain. I know what she’s talking about. Sighing I answer her. "I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been...thinking."

Now it’s her turn to sigh. "About what? Are you still hung up on our deal? I thought we cleared all of that up."

"Did we?" I ask incredulously.

"Didn’t we?" She’s getting angry, I can tell. "Look, Harm, if this is going to cause this many problems between us maybe we should just forget it. You’re obviously having second thoughts about this..."

"I never said that." I never said that, ever.

"Well aren’t you? You should have seen your face all week ever time you looked at me."

Oh no. She noticed. And great, now she’s went from being angry to being hurt.

"Mac..." I try to explain but she cuts me off.

"No really, Harm. It was like you were looking at me like...like..."

"Like what, Mac?" I whisper.

"Like you were scared to death you were going to have to be saddled with me for the rest of your life." She looks away so she doesn’t see the shock that has taken up residence on my face. Is that what she thought?

Before I can come up with a reply she’s talking again. "So don’t worry about it anymore, all right? I release you from your promise. Now can we just get past this?" She takes a nervous gulp from the wine glass in her hand.

Just like that? She wants to forget it and move on? I couldn’t do that if I wanted to, and I don’t. "I don’t want out of it, Mac."

The glass stalls at her lips and her eyes dart up. Her mouth is hanging slightly open and I can tell she’s trying to get her mouth to catch up with her brain. "Wha...what did you say?"

"I said, I don’t want out of it. I want to have a baby. I want one with you." For the first time since I’ve know this woman my thoughts come out exactly as I want them to. Well almost exactly. I still haven’t told her I want it now.

The shock must have been too much for Mac because when she tries to sit her glass back down it sits on the edge of the island and wobbles for a moment before landing right in my lap. We both just sit there stunned as the deep red stain spreads over my shirt and jeans.

"Oh God, Harm. I’m so sorry." She’s still shaky when she gets up to get a kitchen towel before I can even react. A moment later she’s back, and without thinking, reaches down and starts dabbing at my shirt and pants. She’s so close to me. I can smell her perfume, the scent of her shampoo. All of that topped with the knowledge that someday I’m going to have her in my bed pretty much does the trick for me.

When she comes in contact with the growing bulge in my jeans, I can here her gasp before drawing her hand away like she’s been burned. "I...I’m sorry," she stammers again.

I’m torn between being embarrassed that she caught me with an erection in front of her, and wanting to grab her and make love to her right here on this counter. The former wins. "Um...it’s okay, really. It’s just sticky," oh don’t think about that, "and wet", oh Christ that’s even worse, "and if you’ll excuse me," I mumble before pushing past her and heading for the bathroom.

Once there I brace myself on the sink, looking up to witness my haggard appearance staring back at me in the mirror. I look like shit. This night is a nightmare...well most of it has been. Dinner was nice. Mac looks amazing. Her touching me wasn’t half bad either...

Shaking my head I try to clear all of those thoughts out of my mind. Reaching for my wet shirt I try to pull it away from my skin but it sticks. I’m going to have to take a shower. Should I tell Mac? Oh hell, I could probably shower and change faster than it would take to tell her.

Stripping down I turn on the shower and step in, trying to forget all about the woman I left standing in the other room. I wash off, planning to get back out there as soon as I can and try to salvage what’s left of this evening. But for the briefest of moments I let my mind wander...

What would she really have done if I would have given into my baser instincts and made a grab for her? Kissed her like I wanted to? Made love to her?

I can feel her presence a split second before she slips into the shower behind me. I jump slightly and turn around when she touches me. Mac’s here...naked...in the shower with me. I can tell by the look on her face that she can tell I’m surprised because I see the silent question there, ‘What had you so preoccupied that you didn’t even notice until I stepped in?’ I don’t think I can tell her exactly what I was thinking. Of course, there’s a very naked Sarah Mackenzie standing in my shower so maybe I’m not the only one that wanted to speed things up between us. "Mac?"

Shushing me, her fingertips touch my lips. She studies me for a little longer then she finally smiles. I see it in her eyes; she knows I’m not unhappy she’s here, I’m just scared. I smile back at her, assuring her she’s right, not with words but actions.

Reaching for her, I pull her to me. The feel of our bodies, flush against each other, drive away any rational thought from my mind. This is exactly where I want her to be. She must have finally realized it too because she leans her head up, her lips begging to be kissed, as my hands start sliding slowly up between us to cup her breasts, the nipples already hard peaks.

Our mutual moans of pleasure urge me on as my mouth slides along her jaw to capture her lips. I kiss her for all I’m worth, our tongues meeting, sliding sensuously against each other. I’m totally caught up in the passion flaring out of control between us. Our hands are roaming, exploring previously forbidden territory when the feel of her hand on my cock makes me gasp into her mouth.

Slowly, gently, her fingers travel over my smooth shaft, each delicate touch leaving me panting for more. Breaking our kiss I lean forward slightly and kiss her neck working my way down, tasting the water on her skin. Before I can get too caught up in my task she moves, placing barely there kisses on my chest before she starts to travel lower. As she’s sliding down, I can feel my body tense in anticipation, unwilling to stop her from where she wants to go.

A loud groan of "Oh...Mac..!" escapes me as she envelopes me in her mouth. The contrast between the cooling water cascading over us and her warm mouth are having a profound effect on me. I’m straining against her as her tongue swirls around the head of my cock. My hands come to rest on her shoulders, bracing myself as I feel my knees start to give out from the sensations that are washing over me.

I’m sure she feels the tension building but she never lets up on the exquisite torture, sliding her mouth up and down, in and out, gently sucking me deeper....deeper. I need to touch her so badly...my trembling hands find their way into her damp hair, massaging her scalp as my own head falls back. I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air. I’m about to come and with every ounce of strength I have, I muster up enough of my voice to beg her to stop, but she doesn’t. I look down at her as she looks up and I can see it in her eyes; she wants to finish this. And God help me, I want it too.

Her ministrations never cease as one hand circles the base of my cock, torturing me with every stroke, while she gently caresses my balls with the other. She’s doubling her efforts, moving faster, sucking harder. Her amazing hands feel like they’re every where, all at once, driving me insane. My hands tangle in her hair once again as I finally give in to the pleasure, the force of my orgasm arching my back as I call out her name.

It seems to go forever but when the spurts finally stop, I sink to my knees, wrapping her tightly in my arms, unable to say anything. I feel like three quarters of my brain just left my body. She doesn’t say anything either. She’s just holding me, waiting for me to recover...to return to her.

When I can finally speak again my voice sounds more than a little rough. "Wow." Well that was real articulate. But right now that’s about all I can manage. That was incredible.

I feel her smile into my neck as she answers. "Yeah."

She meets my eyes and what I see there sends shivers down my spine. She wants this, all of it, and she wants it with me. I feel my body respond to the challenge I see in those brown, fathomless depths. "You ready for me to return the favor?" I ask, my voice still husky.

Before she can reply, I kiss her again, not giving her a choice. My hands cover her breasts, my fingers gently tracing their fullness while my mouth plunders hers.

Before things can get too out of hand I stop. She looks like she has it in mind to protest but I still stand up, shutting off the water. Taking her hand I smile my best smile at her, letting her know we are in no way finished.

Leading us back to my bed, I push her down into the mattress, my body covering hers. We kiss for only a moment before I leave to place wet, open mouth kisses along her neck before working my way down to her breasts. My lips surround one taut peak as my fingers work the other, pinching and rolling it. I hear her moan my name and pleasure zings to every nerve ending of my body at the sound of my name on her lips.

The sneak attack worked so well for her that I think I’ll try it myself. Distracting her, my teeth gently tug on her nipple as my hand finds her throbbing center. The wetness I find there had nothing to do with the shower we just left and everything to do with the pleasure she must have got from pleasing me. For some reason that realization, that she enjoyed that as much as I did, turns the heat up another notch inside me. Inserting a finger inside of her exquisite heat she moans again. "Harm..." The pleasure on her face is so intense I barely manage to hold myself back. I want to be inside of her so bad...but not yet. Paybacks are hell on everyone.

Switching sides I take the other straining nipple in my mouth, sucking and nipping at it while my fingers continued to slip in and out of her, sometimes circling her clit. Now she’s the one trying to brace herself, grasping my shoulders, gasping for every breath.

"Harm...please..." Her voice is barely recognizable anymore.

Without stopping the motion of my fingers I murmur against her breast, "What do you want? Tell me what you want..."

"I...I want..." Her words get lost as my hands finds a particularly sensitive spot on her body.

"What, Mac? Tell me..." I want to know. I want her to tell me everything she needs, everything she wants. I want to hear her tell me she wants me as much as I want her...

"Mouth...I need your...oh..."

Knowing exactly what she wants I make my way down, my mouth finally reaching the juncture of her thighs. My tongue tentatively touches the most intimate part of her and sensations assault me on all sides. The smell of her arousal, the velvety soft skin of her inner thigh against my cheek, the way she tastes...

As my tongue continues teasing her clit, flicking and rubbing it, it doesn’t take more than a few swipes and I can feel the warm flood of her release flowing out of her, over my tongue and onto my hand as she comes. Even then I don’t let up on her, lapping up every drop of it.

For a minute I just watch her. She looks like she’s floating, some place in between dreams and reality, and she’s never looked more beautiful. I hear myself tell her as much and the pleasure on her face from the compliment makes my whole world light up. When I raise myself up and over her, she welcomes me as I push inside with one swift thrust. I can feel the tension inside the pit of my stomach start to build again as I slide in, then out, then back in again. Her legs wrap around my waist, pulling me closer, urging me on. Her arms encircle my neck so she can pull me down, our mouths meeting again in a searing kiss.

My face is still damp from pleasuring her, but surprisingly it doesn’t seem to repulse her. That just adds more fuel to the fire burning inside of me. My entire body is giving itself over to the exquisite feeling of our bodies moving together as one.

All I can think about is the ecstasy of finally being inside of her. Just a few more thrusts and I’m there, my orgasm sweeping over me. "That’s it. Mac…oh yes…yes..." I couldn’t hold back the savage cry of her name if I tried.

At the same time I feel her begin to tremble in my arms. "Harm!" I watch as she gets caught up in the overwhelming passion between us, her face giving away every emotion as she lets herself go. I can feel her shudder as her body gives into mine with one final thrust.

For a long time after I just cradle her against me, rubbing her back lovingly as we both come back from the edge. I can feel her slipping away, murmuring my name over and over as she slides gently into slumber.

What we did here tonight was pretty amazing. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine our first time would be this...life altering.

‘Yes you did...’ I hear that voice in my head again. All right, so I did know. I knew once I had Mac there wouldn’t be anyone else. But with that knowledge comes great responsibility. What if we made that baby tonight? Would we be ready? Nothing is settled between us.

And we’ve just now started to get back on track as friends. I want to be worried that what we just did will totally destroy the timid truce we’ve made, but I’m not going to. Tomorrow will tell the tale. Right now I’m going to revel in the feeling of her lying in my arms after all this time.

Continue to The Morning After All This Time