| THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES Q. Why did God create woman? A. To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A. Phone her. Q. Why do women fake orgasms? A. Because they think men care. Q. What is the definition of "making love"? A. Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her. Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark. Q. What's the difference between premenstrual tension and B.S.E? A. One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem. Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? A. Nothing, she's been told twice already. Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A. Made her chain too long Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A. Marry her! Q. How is a woman like a condom? A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. Q. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? A. They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house. Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A. She knows she's given her last blowjob. Q. How many men does it take to open a beer? A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men? A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? A. When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." Q. How do you fix a woman's watch? A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Q. Why do men fart more than women? A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. Q. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A. A woman that won't do what she's told. Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A. Divorced. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake |
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