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My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
What the hell was I thinking?!


Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
love.
After having met you ... I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life....
I never believed in Hell till I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
that you're not here to ruin it for me.


Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again!

When we were together you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept
your promise.


We have been friends for a very long time...
what say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you ...
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
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