Werewolves have been misunderstood for hundreds of years. The werewolf legend dates back to ancient Rome. The King of Arcadia was turned into a wolf when he sought to test the divinity of the god Jupiter by serving him human flesh. Jupiter took offense and turned the king into a wolf. The word werewolf comes from the Old English "wer" meaning man and "wolf" meaning, well, wolf. The literal translation therefore is "manwolf". Anyway, here are some werewolf jokes to keep you going.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolve's party?
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
Never moon a werewolf
What did the werewolf say to the skeleton?
How do you stop a werewolf chasing you?
What happens if you cross a werewolf and a sheep?
"Mom, what's a werewolf?"
"Don't worry about that and comb your face."
Why was the werewolf arrested in the butcher's shop?
He was chop-lifting
How do you stop a werewolf howling in the back of a car?
Put him in the front.
What happened to the werewolf that fell into the washing machine?
He became a wash and werewolf.
What did the werewolf write on his Christmas cards?
Best vicious of the season.
What do you get when you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf?
A monster with an all-over perm
Whenever they're asked a question they come up with a snappy answer.
Where does a werewolf sit in a movie theatre?
Anywhere he wants to.
What happened when the werewolf chewed a bone for an hour?
When he stood up he only had three legs.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like - he can't chase you.
How do you know that a werewolf's been in the fridge?
There are paw prints in the butter.
What does it mean when you have a werewolf in your fridge in the morning?
You had one heck of a party last night.
He had them howling in the aisles.
Did you hear about the sick werewolf?
He lost his voice but it's howl right now.
Werewolf:Doctor, thank you so much for curing me.
Doctor:So you don't think you're a werewolf any more?
Werewolf:Absolutely no, I'm quite clear now - see, my nose is nice and cold.
What happened to the werewolf who swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
Keep him waiting for a few hours.
Why shouldn't you grab a werewolf by his tail?
It might be the werewolf's tail but it could be the end of you.
I used to be a werewolf but I'm all right noooooooooow!
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout 'fetch!'
Why did the mother werewolf name her son Camera?
Because he was alwasy snapping
What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?
A wear-wolf
What do you call a hairy beast that's lost?
A where-wolf.
What happens when you cross a werewolf with a sheep?
You have to get a new sheep.
What did the werewolf write at the bottom of his letter?
Best vicious...
Signs that you work with a werewolf
the whatwolves and the whenwolves
Hallowieners
-Mike Binder
I'd like to get to gnaw you
What happened when the vampire met the werewolf?
They became the best of fiends.
What is a werewolf's favourite kind of story?
A hairy tale.
Did you hear about the hippie werewolf?
He was fur out, man!
Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation?
At the howliday Inn
Where does a werewolf live?
In a werehouse.
What's a witch's favorite subject?
Spelling!
What do you call a witch on a beach?
A sandwitch!
Top Ten Signs Your Kid Is A Wizard - David Letterman
10. When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke
9. You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does
8. Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt
7. Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash .
6. He wears shiny red satin robes -- and you're just praying he's a wizard
5. Favorite discount electronics chain: The Wiz
4. Refers to Halloween as "amateur night"
3. He's only 12, but somehow he's dating Gwyneth Paltrow
2. His homework ate the dog
1. You catch him in the bathroom polishing his wand
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''
Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft?
Because he couldn't spell
What did Harry Potter do when he found the three-headed dog?
He ran... wouldn't you?
Throw a stick and say fetch!
How do you know if two werewolves have been in the fridge?
Two pairs of paw prints in the butter!
What's Dracula's favourite coffee?
Decoffinated!
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a frog?
A creature that can bite you from the other side of the road!
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour!
Why do witches scratch themselves all the time?
Because they're the only ones who know where a witch itches!
Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?
He's still looking for a crypt writer though!
What do you call an extinct hairy beast?
A were-wolf!
Where do mummies go if they want to swim?
The Dead Sea!
You have to get a new sheep!
Why are vampire families so close?
Because blood is thicker than water!
What is fearsome, hairy and drinks from the wrong side of a glass?
A werewolf with hiccups!
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
I love every bone in your body!
Why did the small werewolf bite the womans ankle?
Because he couldn't reach any higher!
What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema?
Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom!
What makes more noise than an angry witch?
Two angry witches!
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
They have no organs!
Why wasn't the naughty skeleton afraid of the police?
Because he knew they couldn't pin anything on him!
What do boney people use to get into their homes?
Skeleton keys!
Why do vampires hate arguments?
Because they make themselves cross!
Why was the young vampire a failure?
He fainted at the sight of blood!
Why did the vampire attack the clown?
He wanted the circus to be in his blood!
What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone?
A fangster!
How do ghosts like their drinks?
Ice ghoul!
What's a skeleton's favorite pop group?
Boney M!
Why do vampires like school dinners?
Because they know they won't get stake!
Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
He was a numbskull!
What does a werewolf say to the mirror?
Terror, terror on the wall...!
How do skeletons call their friends?
On the telebone!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin!
What parting gift did the werewolf parents give to their son when he left home?
A comb!
What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument?
A trom-bone!
Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them!
What does a vampire bath in?
A bat tub!
What does Dracula say when you tell him something interesting?
Well fangcy that!
What do you call a hairy beast that is lost?
A where-wolf!
What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite?
Veinilla!
What do you call a hairy beast in a river?
A weir-wolf!
Why did the vampire give up acting?
He couldn't get his teeth into the part!
What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
Lazy bones!
What did the werewolf say after he had been to the dentist?
Fangs very much!
What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?
He asked to make a withdrawal!
What sort of soup do skeletons like?
One with plenty of body in it!
What happened to the werewlf who ate garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite!
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
I don't know, but if it laughs I'll join in!
What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off?
Bone china!
Which skeleton wears a kilt?
Boney Prince Charlie!
What do ghosts dance to?
Soul music!
What do demons have for breakfast?
Devilled eggs!
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor?
He was in high spirits!
What is a skeletons favourite drink?
Milk - it's so good for the bones!
What happened to the skeleton who went to a party?
All the others used him as a coat rack!
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed!
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat!
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz!
What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
Surgical spirits!
What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks?
They had a rattling good time!
What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell?
A dead ringer!
What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller?
Broom sick!
How is the witches team doing?
They're having a spell in the first division!
What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies?
A boney phoney!
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening?
"Have a nice bite"!
Why did the ghost go to the funfair?
He wanted to go on a rollerghoster!
What's a vampire's favourite sport?
Batminton!
What do you call a werewolf that drinks too much?
A whino!
Where did the witch get her furniture?
From the ideal gnome exhibition!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with!
What do demons have on holiday?
A devil of a time!
Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
Billy! Let go of her ear!
All right Billy, give me the ear.
Why do skeletons hate winter?
Because the wind just goes straight through them!
What do vampires play poker for?
High stakes!
What is the demons' favourite TV sitcom?
Fiends!
What do witches eat at Halloween?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!
What's Dracula's car called?
A mobile blood unit!
Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?
Because his heart wasn't in it!
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road?
Jump out of your skin and join him!
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do?
Join his fang club!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
What's Dracula's favourite soup?
Scream of tomato!
How does a witch-doctor ask a girl to dance?
''Voodoo like to dance with me!