| Exercise#6 Two assholes: Charles & Ben-Guy Act 1, scene 1. Scene. Charles and Ben-Guy are driving down the highway in a car. Charles is at the wheel. Charles, 36, rough look, aggressive. Ben-Guy is in the passenger seat. CHARLES So what the fuck is this guy to? BEN-GUY The fuck with me if I don�t know. He owes money or something. CHARLES Shit, I gotta keep the speed down. BEN-GUY Why the fuck for? CHARLES I don�t have a licence. BEN-GUY Oh shit! CHARLES I don�t have insurance. BEN-GUY Oh fuck! CHARLES These goddamn insurance companies, they rip you off! (Pause.) And I gotta take a piss. BEN-GUY What kind of place does this guy have? CHARLES Oh, fuckin� shit hole I presume� BEN-GUY What is his fuckin� name? CHARLES I don�t know. I don�t give a fuckin� shit! We are going to kill the bastard! BEN-GUY Stop the car! CHARLES No! Fuck you. BEN-GUY I said stop the fuckin� car! (Ben-Guy puts his foot on the drivers side. Slams on the brakes) CHALRES The hell are you trying to do? BEN-GUY I�ve never killed anyone. CHARLES It�s nothing! You just do something until he stops breathing. BEN-GUY Like what? CHARLES Like anything. BEN-GUY I don�t like it. CHARLES Well, life is tough. Act 1, scene 2. The fuckin� guys doorway. BEN-GUY I don�t like hurting people. CHARLES Yeah. Your bitch always rubs it in. (Walking to the door) BEN-GUY What ya callin� Monique a �bitch� for? CHARLES What? (Ringing the door bell) BEN-GUY I said, what is a mother-fuckin� prick like you callin� my girl friend Monique, a bitch for? CHARLES Relax! Don�t get bitch on me! BEN-GUY What is with this bitch talk? CHARLES What? You know, bitch, it�s like sayin�, you know, your girl or man, like Yo, man! but it�s Yo, bitch! You see? BEN-GUY You�re fucked up. (Pause. Ben-Guy press� the buzzer a few more times) CHARLES I say he doesn�t show. See�s two fuckin� pricks and doesn�t show. He�s home, just not gonna answer the door with two fuckin� pricks outside. BEN-GUY What would you do if two fuckin� pricks came to your door, knockin� an shit like two fuckin� pricks? One; you wouldn�t answer it! CHARLES Two; I wouldn�t stay inside. I�ll bet he snuck out the back. BEN-GUY Why? CHARLES Do ya think two fuckin� pricks bangin� at your door n� shit are going to go away? BEN-GUY We ain�t bangin�, and he doesn�t know we�re not goin� away. Besides, the bums got nothin� else to do. (Pause.) CHARLES Pricks like us never leave. He knows that! BEN-GUY How does he know that? CHARLES I need to use his bathroom. BEN-GUY How does he know that? CHARLES Fuck you, man. BEN-GUY What do ya mean, �fuck me�? What�s with the man, I thought I was a bitch? CHARLES It�s interchangeable. (Door opens. Standing there is a scrawny man with a mug of cocoa in his hand) SCRAWNY-MAN What do you two fuckin� pricks want? (Scrawny-man smiles. They walk past him into his house. Sarcastically:) Come on in! (He shuts the door) MYLES Ben-Guy! (Holding out his arms) BEN-GUY Charles has to use you bathroom. (Charles is already gone. A door shuts) Myles, you skinny ass faggot! CHARLES What did I do? Hey, are your manners gone? Fuck you! BEN-GUY I�m sorry. Insulting a man in his home. (Looking away. Turns back to face Myles quickly) You goddamn fuckin� freak! MYLES What are you yelling at me for? (Charles walks out of the bathroom) CHARLES What is this yelling for? MYLES You�ll wake up my goddamn wife! CHARLES Dude, he is right. (Standing in front of the two men) MYLES What is this? (Pointing down at him) BEN-GUY Where did dude come from? What happened to bitch and man? CHARLES (To Myles:) What? MYLES What is this? (Still pointing) BEN-GUY What happened to calling me bitch and man? CHARLES Not you prick! (Pointing a finger in Ben-Guys face) MYLES Your fly is undone! Your fuckin� dick was hangin� out! CHARLES It was not! (To Ben-Guy:) Tell him ya bitch. BEN-GUY I�m not a fuckin� pervert, I wasn�t looking! CHARLES You would see it out of the corner of your eye! (Charles turns, does up his fly, then faces the audience) MYLES That�s it! You two fuckin� pricks come to my door, knockin� an shit like two fuckin� pricks, I let you in, because two mother-fuckin� pricks bangin� at your door are not going to go away, I answer it so you don�t wake my goddamn wife, and you two shit-faced cock-suckers do not have the courtesy of telling me what the mother-fuckin� shit is going on! BEN-GUY One; we ain�t mother-fuckin� pricks- CHARLES Two; we ain�t (Yelling:) Mother-fuckin� yelling! (A door closes) BEN-GUY (To Charles:) Shit! You just told me not to yell! CHARLES (Yelling:) I wasn�t yellin�! Besides, if this skinny shit answered the door- (Myles grabs the two of them by the arms and leads them out the door, shutting it behind them) MYLES Please! (Yelling:) Stop fucking yelling! (Pause.) What do you want? CHARLES (Cold, psychotic:) We came here to kill you. MYLES Ah! (Laughing. Charles and Ben-Guy stand straight- faced) Yeah� BEN-GUY What the hell did you do? CHARLES You guys know each other? BEN-GUY He�s my cousin! CHARLES Shit! Like I�m suppose to fuckin� know. Here, give me a moment with him� (Ben-Guy steps aside) All right kid, seeing as how you two are related, I�ll cut you a break. Where do you want it, the belly or the back? BEN-GUY Charles! (Charles backs off. Takes out a cigarette, trying to light it) MYLES Who is this fuckin� goof? CHARLES (Cigarette in mouth:) That�s fuckin� it- (Walks up to Myles, grabs him by his hair, takes a gun out of his pocket- Shoots him in the back of the head. Myles drops to the ground. Ben-Guy is in shock. Looks down at the body, then over to Charles. Charles begins walking towards the r.) CHARLES Get in the fucking car. (Pause. Ben-Guy looks back at myles, then to Charles in the car. Cigarette still in mouth:) I�m not gonna fuckin� shoot you. (Ben-Guy takes one last look at the car. Under his breath) Fuckin� pansy. (Starts the car. Ben-Guy runs up and hops in) Light�s fade Finite. |
| ST�NER R�Y's TW� ASSH�LES |
 |
|
 |
| ?�2002 ST�NER R�Y Films, Inc. reserves the right to use any material, ie. name(s), nick name(s), e-mail address('), location(s), and/or personal quote(s) and other information, et cetera, posted on any ST�NER R�Y site(s) and/or guest books(s). In addition, ST�NER R�Y Films Inc. will not assume any responsibility for defamation of character and/or loss of productivity or sales relating to any ST�NER R�Y articles, et cetera. ?�2002 ST�NER R�Y Films, Inc. for Canada and the world outside of Canada. All Rights Reserved. |
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |