There Is a Sucker Born Every Minute

Barnum's the name -- P.T. Barnum. And whether you think my humbug's a blessing or a curse, you're still gonna buy it. Why? Because every sixty seconds in this world a delightful phenomenon takes place which absolutely guarantees it!

There is a sucker born every minute
Each time that second hand sweeps to the top
Like dandilions up they pop
Their ears so big, their eyes so wide
And though I feed 'em bonafide baloney with no truth in it
Why you can bet I'll find some rube to buy my corn
'Cause there's as sure as shootin a sucker born a minute
And I'm referring to the minute you was born!

Each blessed hour, brings sixty of 'em
Each time that wooden coo coo shows its face
Another sucker takes his place
Plunks his quarter on the line to buy my brand of genuine malarkey
God bless and love 'em But don't feel sad or hoppin' mad or cause a scene
'Cause there's as sure as shootin' sucker born a minute
But man you might have been the minute in between

If I allow that right here in my hand's the smallest human man
The sight of that is surely worth a dime
If I present an educated pooch who's trained to dance the hootcy kooch
What better way to waste a bit of time?
If I import at monumental cost a lady fair whose head was lost
While crossing railroad tracks to pick some zinnias
Who eats farina through a hose and wears pink tights instead of clothes
If that ain't worth a buck my name ain't Phineas!

Ah!, you say, that's hogwash, well who cares?
You'll buy my hogwash 'long as there's
A sucker born every minute
Each time that second hand sweeps to the top
Like dandilions up they pop
Their ears so big, their eyes so wide
And though my tale is bona fide baloney, just let me spin it
And ain't no man who can resist me wait and see
'Cause there's as sure as shootin a sucker born a minute
And, friends, the biggest one, excluding none, is (ha, ha, ha!) me!

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