| Choices Chapter 7 |
| Fate intervenes at an AA meeting |
| Jack rummaged through his desk drawer, knowing that the flyer had to be in there somewhere. He knew he should go to an AA meeting soon, especially after his slip at dinner Saturday. But he didn�t want to go to the Saturday afternoon one that he and Lennie usually went to. First of all, he didn�t want to run into Lennie, not when confessing his lapse. Second of all, he hoped he�d be very busy Saturday afternoon. He thought there was one tonight, if he could just find the damned schedule � there! Yes, this evening, 7:30, the usual place. That would do nicely. Lennie slipped quietly into the back of the room. Ed had dropped him off, only a few minutes late. He hadn�t wanted to go to the usual Saturday meeting, wanted to give Jack some space, so at the last minute had decided to stop in tonight. He took a chair in the back row and settled in to listen. The speaker finished, and the group leader recognized a hand on the far side of the room from Lennie. His heart nearly stopped when he realized it was Jack. The longing, both emotional and physical, hit him like a sledgehammer. He almost didn�t hear what Jack was saying: �I was on a date, a first date with a beautiful woman. I ordered a bottle of wine. I just didn�t think � it was just the most natural thing in the world to do.� The group murmured agreement and reassurance. // So he did go out with her. // Lennie felt torn in so many different directions � wanting to comfort and reassure his friend that this lapse was very minor, wishing he had never heard of Danielle Melnick, and yet knowing that if not for her he would never have connected with Mike, and yet overriding it all the almost desperate need to feel Jack in his arms again. When Jack sat down, Lennie knew he should slip out, not be here when the meeting broke up, but he just couldn�t make himself get up. He had no idea if Jack had noticed him in the crowd. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. After what seemed like an eternity, the meeting ended and people began to get up, mingling and chatting, slowly dispersing. Jack seemed in no mood to hang around; he purposely strode toward the exit, his path taking him right past � �Lennie!� He stopped in his tracks, astounded. �Hey, Jack.� It was all he could get out. They stood there, staring at each other, not having any clue how to handle this. Lennie finally broke the awkward silence. �So, sounds like you and Danielle got together?� Jack nodded, bit his lip. �I suppose you�re terribly disappointed in me. You weren�t gone 12 hours and I screwed up.� The self-loathing on his face went straight to Lennie�s heart. �No, Jack, no! Listen, I made the same mistake myself. The exact same mistake. I�m not disappointed. I�m proud that you came here and admitted it.� He couldn�t help himself; he reached out and laid his hand on Jack�s arm. The physical contact was almost more than he could bear, but he knew Jack needed the reassurance right now. A small smile trembled around the edges of Jack�s lips. �Thanks, Lennie. I needed that. I came tonight because I didn�t want you to be here when I admitted it, but I�m glad you were here after all.� Lennie squeezed his arm one last time and let go. Jack looked at him, could clearly see the tension throughout his friend�s body. The body he knew so well . . . �How are you doing, Lennie?� �Keeping busy. Ever notice how life has a way of playing games with us? Weirdest damned thing happened Saturday night.� Jack looked at him, trying to make out the odd expression on Lennie�s face. �Ran into Mike Logan.� �Your old partner?� Lennie nodded. �Seems the stories of my little disappearing act this spring made it as far as Staten Island. So he figured I was finally ready to hear the truth about him.� Lennie swallowed and looked into Jack�s eyes. He saw the puzzle pieces come together, the shocked expression take over his face. // my god, what have I done? Pushed him right into the arms of the one man who really could take him away from me! // Jack was shaken to the core. He had never really allowed himself to consider the possibility of Lennie with another man. Let alone this man. They had been partners, for god�s sake. Somehow he found his voice. �So � you two � ?� Lennie bit his lip and nodded. �Yeah. But it�s not serious. Really.� He could see Jack was hurt by this news, wanted to take some of the sting away. �No, Lennie, don�t apologize. You had every much right as I did �� Lennie sighed. Jack wasn�t going to believe him. �Listen, Jack, I�ve got to get going. Ed�s probably out there wondering where the hell I am.� Jack nodded, welcoming an end to the torture. �Yeah, go ahead. Night, Lennie.� Lennie couldn�t let it end so painfully. He reached out and took Jack�s hand and squeezed gently, bringing it to his lips. �Night, Jack.� He turned and all but ran out the door. Jack stood there, feeling like he had been turned inside out. He never thought anything could hurt so bad. And yet that last gesture, the brush of Lennie�s lips across his fingertips, had touched something so deep inside him he thought he�d explode. He was hard, painfully hard, from that one contact. He covered the couple of blocks back to his apartment in record time, and went back to the second bedroom, Lennie�s room. There was something he wanted . . . there, in the back of the closet. The old plaid flannel bathrobe Lennie had owned when he moved in. Jack had given him a new one for his birthday that year, but Lennie had stubbornly kept the old one just to drive Jack crazy. But right now it was perfect. He threw off his clothes and wrapped the robe around himself, then went back to their room and threw himself down on the bed. �Oh, Lennie,� he moaned as his hands found his aching cock. He remembered standing there in the bathroom, watching Lennie jerk off in the shower, their first weekend as lovers. He remembered their wild ride up to the cabin in the Adirondacks, and that rest stop � Their little games, his submissive streak that was just beginning to reveal itself. He remembered the feel of hands, lips, worshipping his body. Small whimpering noises came from the back of his throat as he imagined Lennie here again, where he belonged, his hands and mouth taking Jack over the edge � The quick, shallow breaths became gasping sobs as the climax took him. He laid there for a long time, not quite crying, unable to move, desperately wishing for a pair of strong arms to wrap around him from behind, settling for pulling Lennie�s robe tighter around him. Ed had gotten tired of doing laps around the block, so when a space opened up just down the street, he grabbed it and got out. He was almost to the door when Lennie came out, all but running, looking frantically around for Ed�s car. He caught his friend�s arm. �Whoa, Lennie, right here, man. You OK?� Lennie took a deep breath. �Let�s just get out of here, ok?� Ed nodded and led him back to the car. Lennie didn�t say anything else until they were underway. �Sorry, Ed.� Ed was trying to split his attention between the road and his obviously distraught passenger. �No problem. What the hell happened back there?� Lennie sighed. �Jack had the same idea I did about not going Saturday.� Ed winced, not entirely out of sympathy. �Oh, shit.� Lennie sat there, not saying anything for a while. �Ed, I need a favor.� �Name it, partner.� �I need some time alone.� Ed nodded. This had to have hit him like a ton of bricks. �Tell you what. I�ll drop you off, then head over to Mario�s. If you feel like talking later, you know where to find me.� He heard Lennie take a deep, shuddering breath. �Thanks, Ed.� Finally, Lennie was alone in his borrowed bedroom, the rest of the apartment silent. He ran his fingers through his hair, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like hell. The intensity of his emotions had dimmed slightly, but certainly not the sheer number of them, all conflicting. He was still hard, that parting kiss having reinforced the evening�s earlier reactions. He pushed everything else aside, focusing on that one need as he stripped off his clothes. He caught the sparkle of gold at his neck in the mirror�s reflection, couldn�t help smiling as he remembered that Christmas Eve. Everything about it had been pure perfection. He ran his fingers over the sturdy gold chain. �Keep something of me with you �� He gave himself over to the memories as he lay down, his hands finally free to ease that longing. He imagined Jack here with him, arms and legs twined in this tiny, narrow bed, mouths locked together. �I wanna die with you Lennie on the street tonight in an everlasting kiss �� Jack�s variation on the Springsteen lyrics leapt unbidden into his mind, bringing back the memories of that wild ride to the cabin. �Jack!� he cried out as his hands combined with the memories to push him over the edge. He laid there panting, his fingers caressing the chain, wishing he had more of Jack with him this night. Finally, he got up and went into the bathroom to clean up, and thanked whatever higher power was running things this week for Ed�s willingness to bail out of his own apartment. When it came down to it, he really did have some pretty damned good friends. He got back into his clothes and headed over to Mario�s, Ed�s favorite hangout. He found his partner at the bar, watching a ballgame on the big screen. �Hey.� Ed turned around, looking for the source of the sound. �Lennie. You OK? You look a lot better.� Lennie nodded. �You want to grab a booth?� �Sure.� Ed picked up his drink and followed Lennie to a nearby table. �Ed, thanks again. I really appreciate what you did tonight.� �No problem, man. So you ready to talk about it?� Lennie nodded, and told him about what had happened. Ed�s eyebrows were going suborbital as Lennie mentioned the kiss. �You kissed his hand? Damn, Lennie, you ARE a romantic!� Lennie felt the heat rising up his neck and had to avoid Ed�s gaze. �I guess I am, with the right person. Don�t tell Gloria � she�d never believe you.� Ed laughed. �Gloria � number 1 or 2?� �One. Mother of my daughters, scourge of my bank accounts.� There. Lennie finally looked back at him. Time to get serious. �So, Lennie, what are you going to do about this?� �What do you mean?� �Are you just going to let her walk away with him, or are you gonna fight back? It�s obvious you don�t want to let him go.� Lennie blinked. Trust Ed to get to the heart of the matter. �What do you suggest?� �Didn�t you say you weren�t breaking up, just backing off a step, back to the dating stage? Ask him out on a date. Make him remember just what it is he�s thinking of giving up.� Lennie scowled at him. �OK, I must be getting old. Why the hell did I not even think of that?� Ed laughed. �You�re just out of practice. Oh, yeah, one more thing � play dirty.� �What?� �You know him, you�ve lived together for years. Push every button he�s got, use all your insider information. This is war, man. You played nice; now it�s time to play for keeps.� Lennie knew Ed was right; Jack was more than worth fighting for. He just wished there was some way he could keep this new kind of friendship with Mike. Well, at least they�d have one last evening together � Mike had invited him over Friday night. He could break the news then, hope they could still be friends. Then starting Saturday, he�d focus on winning Jack back. Jack laid there, wrapped in Lennie�s robe, for a long time, thinking. Oh, how he regretted this whole experiment. He had thought he could safely go off and dance with Danielle and find Lennie waiting for him when he tired of the diversion. Because that�s all it really was � a diversion. He knew now that it wasn�t the sex that made his relationship with Lennie special. It was different � there were definitely aspects of a female lover that added something to the game, but the same could be said of a male lover. He guessed he fell into Abbie�s first category; he really could go either way, there wasn�t anything physical that made all that much difference to him. But what he missed so desperately was LENNIE. Their friendship, all the late nights they�d spent talking, all the good times and bad times they�d shared. The way Lennie had so gently taken care of him when he was injured. The way they could share a quiet evening at home, Lennie sitting at the kitchen table working a crossword while Jack buried the coffee table under stacks of legal briefs, not saying a word but content in their silent company. And now that he finally figured this out, it might be too late. Mike Logan. Of all the people to turn out to be gay. Of course, that whole incident with the councilman now made a whole lot more sense. A cop�s partner was a unique relationship. You may not even like him, but you�d give your life for him. And when you partner was your best friend, and now your lover, how could ANYBODY compete with that? This was the one piece of Lennie�s soul that Jack could never, ever touch. And yet � Lennie had insisted it wasn�t serious. Jack had thought he was just trying to be nice, knowing that Lennie could read his reaction like a book. But then there was that kiss. Jack still wasn�t quite sure exactly what had happened. Lennie had just reached out, taken his hand, kissed his fingers, then bolted out the door. Was there hope? Maybe if things hadn�t progressed to serious YET, he might be able to win Lennie back before they did? He made up his mind. Tomorrow, he�d go over to Danielle�s for dinner, but he wouldn�t be spending the night. He hoped she�d understand, but if necessary, he was willing to sacrifice her friendship to get Lennie back. Jack wasn�t one to pray, but that night he prayed to whoever might be listening for one last chance to make this right. Continue to Chapter 8 Send me some feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
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