| Thursday, May 22 Mike stared at the mess strewn about him. The ashes of a life � his life. So far, he�d screwed it up royally. Oh, he�d had help. His alcoholic mother and mostly absent father. That twice-damned priest. The councilman and reporter who had each pushed him just too far. Lennie. // NO. STOP THAT NOW. NOT LENNIE! // His conscience screamed at him. Lennie was the one person who had ever truly loved him. And look what Mike had done to him � He still played back that Saturday afternoon at Donnie�s house in his mind every day. At least they�d said goodbye this time. He could almost feel Lennie�s arms around him, the gentle kiss goodbye. No. They were right, it was time to move on. Pick one carload of stuff from this mess to take with him, and to hell with the rest of his former life. He didn�t have a job. He had a small stash of money he�d been able to put aside, theoretically for his retirement. Well, he was retired now from the NYPD, a disability retirement because he was psychologically unsuited to be a cop anymore. There would be a small check each month from that at least, automatically deposited into his account. But where to go? That was the big question. He didn�t know why he picked that moment to remember it, but he reached into his wallet to find the scrap of paper McCoy had handed him that fateful day. Seeing him and Lennie together had really been the last straw for Mike; the cop and the lawyer just seemed to belong together. He had seen the way Jack looked at Lennie, and knew that he had no business bringing up the past. He�d just hurt the person he loved the most. But despite that, Jack had tried to help him. There was a name and a phone number on the paper. A name he knew, but he couldn�t say he knew the man behind the name at all. // What the hell, // he thought and reached for the phone. �Hello?� The familiar soft voice came through the line. �Uh, hi, Ben? Uh, this is Mike Logan. Jack McCoy said I should give you a call.� �Mike, hello. I�m glad to hear from you. I thought perhaps you had decided not to call.� �It�s, uh, been a rough week, Ben.� �Yes, I heard you�ve been having some problems.� Mike bit his lip. �How much did they tell you?� �Oh, not much. Adam called me last Saturday at Jack�s request. He just said that you were leaving the NYPD under circumstances not too different from my own departure, and that perhaps I could help out in some way.� �Oh. I don�t think you decked a reporter �� Stone chuckled softly. �Not that I didn�t often want to, Mike.� Something about the attorney�s calm demeanor and gentle laugh got through to Mike. He laughed in return. �Yeah, well, who wouldn�t?� �Who was it, if I may ask?� �Camberton, from the Daily News.� �Well, that explains a lot. I certainly won�t hold it against you.� Mike laughed. �Thanks. You wanna tell the review board that?� He could almost hear Ben shrug. �I take it the decision is already made?� Mike sighed. �Yeah. Took a �stress-induced disability� early retirement. I�m a free agent.� �And you�re more than a little scared.� The quiet voice held intimate knowledge of that state. �Yeah. I � I know I want to get out of here, Ben, away from this city, away from police work, but it�s all I�ve ever known. How did you do it? Just walk away from everything? Start over?� It was Ben�s turn to sigh. �I didn�t have quite as much to deal with as you, Mike. I still had my law degree, just needed to change my area of practice. And I came home. I grew up here in Maine, I have family here. Not that they helped much, but � I at least had someplace to go.� �Oh.� Maybe they didn�t have so much in common after all. �But Mike, believe me I understand at least some of what you�re going through. Have you decided yet where you will go?� �No. I just feel so lost �� �Then why don�t you come here? I�ve got plenty of room. Waterville is a nice quiet town, nothing like New York. It�s peaceful here. You can think, and we�ll talk. Use it as a jumping-off point, for wherever you�re going to end up. If you hate the hot humid New York summers, you�ll be delighted with our version up here.� Once again, Mike was blown away by the generosity of someone who had no real reason to help him. �Ben, why?� The soft chuckle was back. �Because I�ve been through rough times without help, and I�ve been through rough times with help, and with is always better. Mike, I left because I finally realized that people are more important than �the system.� I�d like to help if you�d let me.� The simple gesture tugged at Mike�s heart. He�d seen so many examples over the years of people who couldn�t care less about their fellow human beings that this simple compassion from a relative stranger seemed remarkable. There was the barest hint of a catch in his voice as he replied, �Thanks, Ben. I appreciate that. I �yes. Thank you.� �You�re quite welcome. When should I expect you?� �Well, I�ve got the apartment for the rest of the month, and I�ll need some time to pack �� �May I give you some advice?� �Sure.� �Pack your clothes and a few things you treasure and get rid of the rest as soon as possible. Once you�ve decided to leave, do it quickly, or you may change your mind.� �Good point. OK, I�ll see what I can do. Can I call you in a couple of days?� �Of course. Good luck, Mike.� �Thanks, Ben. Goodbye.� Logan sat there, completely overwhelmed. Maybe there was hope for the human race yet. And maybe even for one particular human named Michael Logan � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thursday May 29 Don Cragen gingerly lowered the trunk, making sure it would still close. He�d stuffed about as much as possible into it. He�d taken the morning off to see Mike off. It was one of the hardest things he�d ever had to do. In many ways, Logan felt like the son he�d never had. And in the end, Don had failed him. Mike was so unhappy with his life here in New York that he felt he had to leave and start over again someplace else. Mike had a lot of problems, Don knew that. He�d tried so hard over the years to get him to get help, try to get past the memories that haunted him. But Mike had that classic stubborn Irish temper. It was his way or no way. So now, Mike was leaving New York. Heading out to stay for a few weeks with another expatriate, Ben Stone. Don hoped some of the attorney�s calm might rub off on his guest. At least Mike wasn�t heading out completely alone. For that, Don would always be grateful to McCoy. The man had had every reason to hate Mike, but he�d still tried to help. For what it was worth, Lennie and Jack seemed to be really happy together, especially since Lennie had put in his own retirement papers, saying that being shot once was more than enough, thank you. Of course everybody was talking about the other reason; the couple had �come out� together at the same time. They were talking about buying a house together, spending the rest of their lives together. Don didn�t know when he�d ever seen Lennie so happy. He hadn�t been too surprised when Lennie had invited him to dinner to tell him the good news. After all Lennie had been through in the past two months, he deserved all the happiness he could get. He�d also been expecting the gentle ending of their long standing relationship as occasional bedmates. He�d known it was coming the first time he saw them together. Oh, they�d still be friends, still have dinner together occasionally. But that was all. Lennie was a one-man man. And that man was clearly Jack McCoy. That same night, Don had told Lennie about Mike�s plans to head to Maine and meet up with Ben Stone. Lennie had seemed relieved that Logan had taken the offer, not wanting their young friend to have to face this alone. On impulse, Lennie had gone over to his extensive CD collection, searched for something, pulled it out. A detour to the kitchen for a notepad, something quickly scribbled and tucked inside. Rummaging in the hall closet produced a roll of gold wrapping paper, undoubtedly left over from Christmas. He had presented the package to Don, asking him to give it to Mike the day he left. Cragen walked over to his car, retrieving the package from the back seat. He carried it up to the almost empty apartment. Some of the furniture was still there; a truck from Goodwill was coming by later today to collect it, and the many bags of miscellaneous �stuff� Mike was leaving behind. Every hint of personality was gone from the place, either packed, or trashed. Mike was perched on the arm of the sofa, looking around at a place which had become foreign to him. Don came up behind him, gently laying a hand on his shoulder. �Time to go, Mikey?� At his friend�s touch, Mike�s tears spilled over. �I�m so scared, Donnie �� Cragen dropped the package onto the couch and reached out to draw Mike into his arms. �I know, Mikey, I know. I�m sorry I couldn�t make it work for you here. But you�ll be ok, I�m sure of it.� They held on to each other for a good long while. Finally, Mike let go and took a deep breath. Cragen bent down to retrieve the package. �One more thing before you go. Lennie asked me to give you this �� Mike looked at it as if he was afraid it was going to bite him. Finally, he took it and with trembling hands ripped off the gold paper. A smile tugged at his lips. �Mike? What is it?� �CD.� �Yeah, I can see that.� Mike swallowed. �I remember the day he got this. He�d been chasing it for like a month, trying to find a copy for sale. He was so damned happy. We listened to it in the car nonstop for two weeks before he finally switched to something else. I never wanted to hear it again �� Cragen managed a soft chuckle. �I think he stuck something inside.� Mike opened it, finding the sheet of notepaper with Lennie�s scrawl: Mike � Remember the good times, kiddo. Just because I�m not going doesn�t mean I don�t care. Love always, Lennie A few more tears started to leak out, then Mike shook himself. �And on that note, I�m out of here.� He grabbed the suitcase with clothes for the next couple of weeks, spun on his heel, and strode out of his apartment for the last time. Cragen locked the door behind him and hurried down to the car. Mike was already settled into the driver�s seat. He rolled down the window. �Donnie, I gotta drive now or I�m not goin�.� Cragen nodded. �I hear ya, Mike. Just � take care, son, ok?� He leaned in through the open window and gently kissed Mike�s forehead, something he�d never allowed himself to do. Mike caught his hand for a moment, squeezed, then let go and put up the window. Cragen stepped back and watched Mike drive away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike was basically on auto-pilot as he navigated out of the city, heading towards I-87 north. Once he hit the highway, he slipped Lennie�s CD into the player. It was a collection of Broadway stuff, nothing recent, shows Lennie remembered seeing as a kid. Each song brought back memories of their time together, and for once Mike was able to enjoy them � songs and memories. One in particular caught his attention today: Everything has its season Everything has its time Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme Cats fit on the windowsill Children fit in the snow Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go? Rivers belong where they can ramble Eagles belong where they can fly I've got to be where my spirit can run free Got to find my corner of the sky* // Lennie, are you tryin� to tell me somethin�? // �Yeah, that�s it. That�s what I�m lookin� for. It�s gotta be out there somewhere. Can�t very well find it if I hide in New York for the rest of my life. Yeah �� A strange contentment settled over Mike. New York was behind him now, literally as well as figuratively. He was on his way to a new future. He didn�t know what it would hold, but he knew it was his to make. He had a clean slate; what happened now was up to him. And this time he was going to do it right! *Corner of the Sky (from the musical �Pippin� by Stephen Schwartz) Continue to Chapter 2 Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Corner of the Sky |
| Chapter 1 |
| This time we follow Mike Logan on his search for a new life. Timeframe: May/June 1997 |