| Faith Chapter 8 |
| Finding things worth living for |
| Monday morning dawned clear and bright; it was going to be a hot one. Perfect for the beach-bound Memorial Day crowd, but somehow it seemed almost disrespectful for the day of Debra Curtis� funeral. Lennie sighed as he tied his necktie, thinking back to another funeral three years ago. He shook his head, trying not to get lost in the memories. He went out to the kitchen where Jack was standing, staring out the window, a cup of coffee all but forgotten in his hand. Lennie came up behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder. �You too, huh?� Jack sighed and nodded. Lennie slipped his arm around the shoulders and squeezed. �Too damned many memories, Lennie. You think you�re past it, then something like this happens.� He turned to face his lover, and for just a moment they held each other, each knowing the other�s pain. Lennie pulled away and poured himself a cup of coffee, topping off Jack�s almost cold one as well. �You didn�t say much last night. How�s Rey holding up?� �He�s OK, Jack. If anything, this is a relief. We lost them suddenly, no chance to prepare, having to deal with the shock as well as the grief. He�s been losing her for years now. Watching her slip away. Shouldering all the burden, and all the guilt.� Lennie shook his head. �He looked so tired, Jack, when I saw him earlier this month. Maybe now he can find something like a normal life.� Jack nodded. �I hope so.� They finished their coffee and headed down to Lennie�s car. About half an hour later they came to the church tucked away in this suburban family neighborhood. People were already starting to gather in the vestibule. They saw Rey talking with a group of people, his daughters looking so somber in their dark dresses. Over on the other side of the room, Anita Van Buren was talking with Abbie, and several other familiar faces from the 27. Lennie and Jack joined them. Jack had the sudden realization that he should have called Jamie Ross; he�d have to do that this week. Anita knew this would be bringing back painful memories for both of them. �How are you two holding up?� Almost unnoticed, Abbie reached out and grasped Lennie�s hand, offering comfort to her friend. He smiled and answered for both of them, �OK I guess.� From across the room, Rey spotted them. He could see it now; how they stood just a little too close together; how Jack�s hand rested protectively on Lennie�s back. He smiled, glad that Lennie had finally found what he was looking for. Before he could make his way over to say hello, another group of family swept him away in the other direction as everybody began moving into the sanctuary for the mass. He sat there through the service, barely listening to the words, going through the motions and saying the words by rote. He thought again of his conversation with Lennie the other night. He would not let himself feel guilty; this was not his fault. He would say goodbye today, and he would move on with his life. It wouldn�t be easy as a single father, but it would actually be easier now than when Debra was alive. And he wouldn�t let himself feel guilty about that, either. // Yeah, right. // That would probably be the hardest part; not letting the guilt get in the way. But the funny thing was, now that he had decided to just get on with his life, all the doubts that had plagued him these past months were gone. It just didn�t matter if he could explain what had happened; it was over and done with. The church would always be important in his life, but he had seen, more than once, that he had to find his own path, make his own choices, find his own meaning. Otherwise it WAS just words said by rote. Jack felt strange sitting through the funeral mass. All the words, the actions, were familiar to the point of reflex. He had always been too stubborn, too independent, to be able to fully accept the Church as a central part of his life. And yet it had made its mark on him; it was part of who he was. But so was Lennie, and all the other parts of his life that didn�t fit church teachings. Adam was right; his faith was in his own ability to cope with whatever fate threw at him, and now finally in the love of those around him to help him along the way. He reached out and gently took Lennie�s hand, lacing their fingers together. That was where he found his comfort, and the strength to do whatever they decided was important enough to do together. Lennie glanced sideways at him, guessing what was going through his mind, and squeezed. Later at the cemetery, they stood together as Rey said his final goodbye to Debra. Lennie made no effort to hide the tears that spilled over at the sight of his �nieces� saying goodbye to their mother. Finally when it was all over, Rey managed to break away from the family and come to them. Lennie could see he had been crying, and yet there was a peacefulness settling in. �Rey �� He wrapped his arms around Lennie, pulling him in. �It�s OK, Lennie. We�re gonna be OK,� he whispered, holding his friend tight for a moment, knowing the memories this day would bring. As he let go, they were mobbed by the girls, all wanting a hug from their Uncle Lennie. Lennie took the girls aside, leaving Jack and Rey facing each other. �Adam sends his condolences. And you know if there�s anything we can do �� �Thanks.� Jack paused, not quite sure how to say this. �Rey � when I lost Claire, I almost lost myself. I let the grief take over my life. If it hadn�t been for Lennie, I�d probably still be there.� He looked into Curtis� dark eyes. �Don�t make the same mistake, Rey. Grieve, yes. But know when to let her go.� Rey nodded. �I hear you, Jack. Actually, I think I�m almost there. I�ve been grieving for her the past couple of years. It�s time for me to move on.� He smiled. �Lennie helped me with that one too. We had a long talk Saturday night. He�s one hell of a special person.� Jack sighed. �Oh, yeah.� Rey reached out and laid his hand on Jack�s arm. �Jack � Take good care of him, will you? Somebody has to!� Jack smiled and nodded. Lennie finally disentangled himself from the girls and they headed back to their car. It was almost noon, and the temperature was getting close to 90. They tossed their suit coats into the back seat and loosened the neckties. They drove in silence for a little while, each lost in his thoughts. Finally Lennie broke the silence. �You mind if we take a little detour?� �Where?� Lennie sighed. �I want to go see Cathy.� �Sure.� // Too damned many memories dredged up today. // They rode in silence the rest of the way. Lennie pulled into the cemetery and parked under a tree. He turned to Jack. �Come with me?� Jack nodded and got out, following Lennie to a simple gravestone, standing just behind him. Lennie took a deep breath. �God, I miss you, sweetheart. I probably should have brought flowers or something. Guess I couldn�t even get this right.� A tear trailed down his cheek. Jack reached out and laid his hand on Lennie�s back. �Lennie, don�t do this to yourself.� Lennie sighed as Jack�s arm slipped around his shoulders. He nodded. �You�re right. I don�t know, I just had to come here today.� Jack came around to face him. �I know. But we could both get lost again today, Lennie, and I don�t want to do that.� His fingers gently brushed the tears from Lennie�s face as he looked into the deep blue eyes. �I want to feel alive today, Lennie. I need you. Make me feel alive again.� His hand wrapped around Lennie�s neck, pulling him into a kiss. It started gentle, but Jack couldn�t keep the heat out of it, and it wasn�t long before Lennie responded. Jack pulled back, taking a deep breath. �Let�s go home, Lennie.� �Yeah.� They didn�t talk on the ride home. Jack laid his hand on Lennie�s leg, desperate for any contact, but trying hard not to distract the driver. As they pulled into the garage, Lennie covered his hand and squeezed. �Almost there, Jack.� They left the car in its assigned space and ducked into the elevator. Jack couldn�t hold back any longer; as soon as the doors closed behind them, he grabbed Lennie and kissed him, hard, not letting go until the elevator stopped at their floor. Lennie pulled away as the doors opened. �Easy, Jack. It�s OK.� He caught Jack�s hands and led him down the hall to their door. Jack felt like he was in a fog. His need was so great he couldn�t think about anything else. He had no idea how the door got unlocked or how they got inside. He pinned Lennie against the door from behind as he locked it, pulling his shirt collar aside as he latched onto Lennie�s neck. Lennie grunted at the manhandling and pushed away from the door, knocking Jack off balance. They ended up on the floor with Lennie on top. He had Jack pinned and took a moment to catch his breath. �Easy, I said.� Jack laid there, panting from both the exertion and his need. He growled and managed to pull Lennie down beside him, his hands going immediately to unbutton the shirt as his mouth again sought Lennie�s. // OK, he wants it rough, he gets it rough. // Lennie took charge of the kiss, pulling him even closer, his tongue seeking out the tonsils as his hand roamed further south. Jack moaned as his fingers found their target, hot and hard. Lennie moved back on top, pausing for a moment to strip off the now open shirt and the undershirt beneath it. He could feel his own hardness pressing against Jack�s beneath him. He began moving, pressing into Jack, rubbing their cocks together through their clothes. �Lennie!� Jack cried out. Lennie silenced him with a kiss, his hands now working on Jack�s shirt. Jack desperately wanted to get rid of his clothes. As soon as Lennie finished unbuttoning him, he grunted and tried to roll them over again, but Lennie wasn�t giving in so easily. He held the necktie he had just removed in his hands; it gave him an idea. �Oh no you don�t.� Lennie caught his hands again and used the tie to secure them. He reached out and grabbed his own discarded tie, then stood up and hauled Jack up beside him. �Come with me,� he commanded, and dragged Jack back to the bedroom. Lennie�s domineering tone triggered something deep inside of him. In that moment, he gave himself completely into Lennie�s care. Whatever Lennie wanted was what he would do. He was thrown into the room, then Lennie came up behind him, undid his belt and zipper and sent the pants to the floor. Hands slid down to caress the bulge in his briefs, wringing a moan from his throat. The hands came up his chest, sliding under the t-shirt and pulling it upwards. �Turn around.� Jack obeyed, stepping out of the pants and kicking his shoes off in the process. Lennie released his wrists from their silken bonds long enough for him to lose the shirt and t-shirt. �Lie down.� Jack got onto the bed, stretched out in the middle. Lennie grabbed his right wrist and wrapped the necktie around it then tied it to the headboard, then walked around to the other side of the bed and repeated the process. Lennie stepped back where Jack could see him and proceeded to lose the rest of his clothes. He enjoyed the look on Jack�s face as his cock came into view. He began slowly stroking himself as Jack watched. Jack�s eyes were glued to him, his tongue sneaking out to lick his lips. Lennie came and sat on the bed beside him, leaning in to capture that tongue. He very carefully did not touch any other part of Jack�s body. Finally he sat up again and allowed his fingers to flick across Jack�s nipples. For several minutes he focused his touch, hands and mouth not touching anywhere else. Jack was beginning to squirm beneath his hands under the constant stimulation. After what felt like an eternity to Jack, the hands finally moved again. Now they brushed lightly across the insides of his thighs, coming frustratingly close to his aching cock, still trapped within his briefs. He spread his legs, hoping that Lennie would slip and accidentally brush against him. Lennie saw it in his eyes and laughed, deep and low in his throat. �Not that easy, lover.� �God, Lennie!� he cried, his need greater now than ever before. Lennie shook his head. �Me first, pretty boy.� He crawled on top in a 69 position, hanging his cock over Jack�s mouth. �Suck it.� Jack eagerly took it in, as Lennie began thrusting toward him. He was already so hard it hurt; sucking on Lennie just made it even more intense. They both moaned. Lennie savored the sensation, but stopped him after a few minutes. He didn�t want to come just yet. He got up and turned around, looking down at Jack. �Lennie, please!� Jack begged. He was starting to struggle against the bonds holding his wrists. Lennie reached out and trailed a single finger down the center of Jack�s chest and stomach. Jack nearly screamed as it finally trailed along the ridge in his briefs, teasing him without giving him enough to come. Finally, Lennie slid his hands under the waistband and pulled downward; Jack eagerly lifted his hips to allow the removal of the briefs. Lennie leaned in and lightly kissed the swollen head, but again did not do any more. Jack thrashed beneath him in his desperation to come; his moans were almost constant now. Lennie got up one last time, reaching for the lube in the nightstand drawer. He grabbed a pillow and positioned it under Jack�s hips then applied the lube to his target and himself, making sure Jack was watching. He lifted Jack�s legs onto his shoulders and positioned himself. He pressed his cock tight up against Jack�s ass and held it there, not quite pushing in. �You want it, Jack?� �Oh, god, yes.� He pushed a little harder, but still not enough. �You sure, Jack?� �Yes!� It was more of a strangled scream than anything else. He pushed in, taking it all the way in one good shove, as Jack cried out. Jack was panting again, this time purely from the hyper-excited state he was in. Lennie began thrusting, slowly at first, but soon his own need had him slamming into Jack hard and fast. Jack simply couldn�t take any more; he screamed as the orgasm took him, the contractions continuing longer than anything he had ever felt before. Somewhere in there, Lennie joined him; neither was entirely sure just when. Lennie disengaged and fell back to the foot of the bed, pulling the pillow out from beneath Jack. He wasn�t sure exactly how he managed to move to the head to free Jack�s arms or to take the limp, trembling body into his embrace. �Oh, Lennie �� �Shhh, it�s OK.� They laid there together until Jack finally calmed. Lennie gently kissed his forehead. �Jack? You all right?� Jack�s fingers caressed his face as he nodded, not quite sure of his voice. Lennie sighed. �I was afraid I took it too far.� �Oh, no. That was the most amazing thing I�ve ever felt. I don�t think I could survive it very often, but �� Lennie chuckled and held him close. �Thank you.� �For what?� �For trusting me.� Jack snuggled further into Lennie�s embrace. �Completely, Lennie. Completely.� Continue to Choices Send me some feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characers belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
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