Chapter 5: Reflections
Lennie reflects on the situation
He looked over now to see Jack glaring at the alarm clock through half-closed eyes. �Go back to sleep; I�ll get you up before I go.� �Mmmph,� was the only sound as the eyes closed. Lennie chuckled and got up, heading for the bathroom.
Lennie gazed at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Well, at least he looked � and felt - better today than yesterday. A good night�s sleep with only minor interruptions will do that to you. Stepping into the shower, Lennie sighed as the warm water rushed over him. Life certainly had gotten interesting this last week. Jack as his lover. Not even a week, and they�d already had their first fight. He had worried from the beginning that Jack would have trouble accepting it, and he�d been right. Part of Jack�s heart would always belong to Claire, his former assistant and lover whose death in an auto accident had actually brought Jack and Lennie together in the first place. Life was funny, sometimes. But maybe after his talk yesterday with Dr. Skoda, the DA�s office�s tame shrink, Jack would be able to come to grips with loving both of them. And maybe someday Lennie wouldn�t even have to compete with her . . . // What was it Jack said Friday? �Lennie, I really thought I was going to die this afternoon. I've never been so scared in all my life. He held that knife at my throat and all I could think of was you, Lennie. Not Claire. YOU." // That statement had triggered their first kiss. He knew they had something special, knew it was worth working for. It was enough to make two otherwise straight guys throw out everything they knew about love and start all over again.
Jack had asked him the other night, during that first fight, why it was so easy for Lennie to accept that he was attracted to a man. He had told Jack that he had been having these feelings for a few months, had had time to get used to the idea. Truth be told, he�d been wondering about this for years. After his second divorce, he�d had a couple of girlfriends, but nothing recently. Part of it was just growing older, but part of it was that it just didn�t mean that much to him. Sex was OK, nothing more. Most times, he�d rather get friendly with himself in the shower than go through the effort of romancing a woman in the hope that maybe they�d get horizontal at some point. His heart just wasn�t in it.
He�d begun to think that maybe he had married and had kids more because it was expected of him than because it was what he wanted. He thought about that bell curve theory, and placed himself at about 30/70. Attracted to women enough to be able to function in the �straight� world, but he would probably have been happier had he opened his eyes to the other 70% of his potential. // Couldn�t I have figured this out BEFORE I gut suckered into 2 alimony checks? // he chuckled. // Might even have kept me out of the bottle, too . . . // So far, his response to Jack seemed to be much stronger than anything he�d ever felt before. There was a playful aspect to it that he found vastly enticing. Their little shower scene on Saturday had undoubtedly been the hottest sex of his life. And WHERE had that exhibitionistic streak come from? Yup, he had a feeling that this was what he had been looking for all his life. Looking in all the wrong places. Well, he was in the right place now. This was exactly where he wanted to be. Where he belonged.
Continue on to Chapter 6
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