| Lennie looked at the sleeping form of his partner laying beside him and smiled. Lord knows, he�d had no idea how this day was going to turn out when it started this morning. They had worked together for over three years, and neither had ever suspected. But finally convicting the pedophile priest who had molested Mike all those years ago had broken down the barriers. Mike had needed to talk to someone, anyone, to share his burden. Lennie sighed, wondering how he had borne it all these years alone. Knowing he was gay, but too terrified to do anything about it. How lucky they had been that it was Lennie who finally got him to talk about it. It had been so different for Lennie. Or had it? God, was it only 4 years ago? His thoughts wandered back to the day that had changed everything . . . He was sitting in the neighborhood bar near the 116th precinct, but tonight he wasn�t hanging with the other off-duty cops there. He sat alone in a dark corner, staring into a glass of vodka. Betty Abrams had just broken up with him, ultimately choosing her family over their affair. But he still had to work with her every day. And his work was suffering. Again. He usually kept it together, but every now and then, he�d slip, show up for work drunk. People were talking about him again. He was seriously beginning to wonder why he even tried. Nobody seemed to want him � his ex-wives, his daughters, his girlfriends, his co-workers. He had bounced around from assignment to assignment the past couple of years, and figured another bounce was about due after this mess with Betty. How had his life gotten to be such a mess? He thought of his buddy, Don Cragen. They had gone through the academy together, both shining stars with a lot of promise for their careers. But somewhere along the line, Lennie�s career had stalled, while Don�s took off. Couple of years ago he�d made Captain, put in charge of the 27th precinct. Lennie hadn�t even made Sergeant. He downed the vodka and flagged the waitress to bring him another. Maybe he should just throw in the towel. Quit. If he didn�t have a job, then at least his ex-wives couldn�t get anything out of him. He could make enough �unofficial� money hustling pool to keep the vodka supply going. Yeah, this was starting to look like a good idea. Why stick around here when nobody here wanted him? He didn�t even hear the footsteps as somebody approached his table. �Lennie?� He looked up into the very worried face of Don Cragen. �Yeah?� This lucky SOB was not the person he wanted to talk to right now. Cragen slid into the seat opposite him. �I heard what happened, Lennie. You OK?� Lennie glared at him. �What do you care?� �What do you mean, �what do I care?� I�m your friend, Lennie. Or did I ruin that by making Captain?� Lennie reached for the vodka. �Sure didn�t help.� Cragen sighed. �Lennie, if you�d think for a minute instead of drowning in that vodka, you�d realize I�m in a position to help you. Next opening I get, I can request you be transferred to the 27. I can help you get back on your feet � if you�re willing to work with me. I�ve been where you are, Lennie. I know. But you can beat this, Lennie, if you�d just try. I believe in you. But you�ve got to believe in yourself, first.� He had reached out, taken Lennie�s hand. The simple gesture of friendship was more than Lennie could take. �Damn, it, Don. Why the hell do you believe in me � nobody else does, least of all me. Nobody wants me around. Wives, partners, nobody.� He pulled his hand away and buried his face in his hands, sobbing. Cragen realized it was the combined effect of the alcohol and a long-festering depression. He wanted so desperately to comfort his friend, but not here. He got up and came around the table, laying his hands on Lennie�s shoulders. �Come on, Lennie. Let me take you home.� Somehow he got Lennie up and into his car, then up to the tiny apartment Lennie called home. Lennie leaned heavily on him, which was fine by Cragen. Feelings he had only recently become aware of were taking control. He had been watching his friend from a distance ever since he made his own discovery, and had begun to wonder if the same issue was part of what was haunting Lennie. It made so much sense. And yet he was afraid; what if he tried and was wrong? Would 15 years of friendship be lost? But the way Lennie was going these days, he might be lost in any case. He got Lennie parked on the couch, sat down beside him. Lennie looked at him. �Why, Don? Why don�t you give up on me like everybody else?� Cragen looked at him, something that he still wasn�t comfortable putting a name to growing in his heart. �Why do I care about you, Lennie? I don�t know, I just do.� He reached out and tentatively touched Lennie�s face, fingers trembling. Lennie sat there, his face a study in confusion. He wasn�t sure what was happening here. All he knew for sure was that somewhere deep inside him, the simple fact that somebody did care about him meant more to him than all the money in the world. Then there was the fact that Don�s fingers were still touching his cheek, his body sitting so close, which was doing something entirely unexpected to him. He finally found his voice. �Don? What are you doing?� �I�m not sure, Lennie. What do you want me to do?� They looked at each other, Cragen sure that Lennie would ask him to remove his hand and leave. But instead, Lennie reached out to touch him in return, closing his eyes as a shiver ran through his body. �Oh god.� Cragen smiled and gently pulled Lennie toward him. �It�s OK, Lennie,� he whispered as their lips brushed together for the first time. Lennie felt something like an electric shock run through his body. He moaned softly as he felt himself becoming erect. A hunger he hadn�t known he had suddenly woke. His arms wrapped around Cragen, pulling him closer as he leaned in for another kiss, this one more intense. Mouths opened, tongues twined, probing, needing. Soon, all else was forgotten. Clothing was discarded, piece by piece. The next thing he was really aware of was being naked in bed, staring at Don�s hard-on, reaching out a trembling hand to touch it, caress it, feeling Don�s hands on his own cock, feeling more aroused than he could ever remember being. Feeling the irresistible urge to take it into his mouth, his delight at Cragen�s answering moan. It felt so good, so right. He took a deep breath then leaned forward, taking it all in, as far as he could go. It sent a thrill right to his own cock. He backed off, going down again and again as Cragen moaned beneath him. The hands had fallen away from his own cock, but that was ok. He eagerly brought his friend over the edge, enjoying every moment himself, especially when Don cried out as the pleasure took him. He sat back as Cragen recovered, gently stroking himself. Don grinned at him and sat up, pulling him in to a kiss, then rolling him over so that Lennie was on the bottom. He traced a line of kisses down Lennie�s chest, stomach, and finally his cock, taking it into his mouth to return the favor. Lennie moaned as the warm mouth enveloped him. He watched, enthralled, as Don brought him to an earth-shattering climax. He laid there, panting, as Cragen came to lay beside him, head pillowed on his shoulder. Finally he found his voice. �How did you know, Don? Hell, I didn�t know!� Cragen sighed. �I wasn�t sure, Lennie. But I�ve been watching you ever since I figured it out myself. Wondered if maybe this was why nothing ever seemed to work right for you.� Lennie felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. �My god. There�s a reason. It�s not all my fault.� There was a note of amazement in his voice as he realized that just maybe he wasn�t the total screw-up he always thought he was. Cragen smiled, realizing that just maybe Lennie had found his turning point. Lennie looked down at him. �What about you, Don? Your wife?� Cragen sighed. �She doesn�t know, Lennie. It�s never been great between us, but we�ve both sort of accepted that. I�ve got so much else good in my life, I can let this one thing slide. I�ve fooled around a couple of times, just enough to be sure that I really am gay. It�s funny, but it really doesn�t feel like I�m cheating on her, since it�s something she couldn�t give me anyway. So for now at least I live the lie. I�m not ready to give up everything else we have over this. But I had to reach out to you, Lennie. See if this could give you a reason to wake up, stop trying to destroy yourself.� Lennie wrapped both arms around his friend. �You did, Don. I think I can go on now.� Cragen smiled, hugged him back. �Will you come to AA with me, Lennie?� Lennie nodded. �Yeah. Time to get my act cleaned up and start over.� Lennie smiled at the memory. Of course, things had worked out exactly as Don had planned. About 6 month after Lennie quit drinking, an opening came up at the 27. Mike�s partner, Phil Ceretta, had been shot, and probably wasn�t coming back to active duty. Nobody wanted to partner with Logan � he had lost another partner just about a year and a half earlier when Max Greevey had been killed by the mob. They were calling him the �black cat.� Don had the good sense to partner the two �unwanted� cops, knowing that taking the kid under his wing would be even more incentive for Lennie to get it right this time. And they had. He�d have to tell Don about this latest development. He wondered if someday, Mike would continue the tradition with another young officer �! Continue to "Unexpected Song" Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Companion piece to "Night of Revelations" Lennie remembers his first time with a guy, and how it helped him to crawl out of the bottle . . . This does some major stage-setting for "Unexpected Song"; follow the link at the end to go on to that story. Timeframe: April 1995; just after the events of �Night of Revelations� but mostly flashback to 1991, about 6 months before Lennie comes to the 27. |
| Starting Over |