| A Matter of Trust |
| Lennie parked his car on a side street just around the corner from his destination. For a long time, he sat there, thinking. Did he really want to do this? He could still turn around and go home, spend another Saturday night the tried and true Briscoe way, with a bag of chips and the TV for company. His recent weekends had been so much better, discovering an unexpected friendship and then some truly amazing sex with Jack McCoy. Until he�d blown it by getting too involved. They hadn�t spoken in a week, but Lennie knew it was over; the friendship as well as the sex. He found he truly missed them both. He couldn�t do anything about the friendship, at least not right now, but maybe he could do something about the sex. Now that Jack had opened his eyes to the possibilities, part of him was eager to sample this whole new world that had opened up to him. And part of him was scared shitless. Finally deciding that anything was better than another Saturday night home alone, Lennie got out of the car and walked around the corner and into the door of the Jade Palace. The place was pretty crowded, not surprising for a Saturday night. As he looked around the dimly-lit room, he saw a mixed crowd; heavy on the professional types like Jack who came looking for anonymous �dates.� But a fair number of other types too. Young studs looking for a �daddy.� Tough-looking leathermen. Swishy artsy types � hey, it�s New York after all, every unemployed actor/singer/dancer was trying to make it on Broadway. Lennie wasn�t entirely sure the club�s atmosphere of casual sex was what he was really looking for. But frankly, at the moment, he really didn�t know any other place to go. At least this place had looked respectable when he and Rey had come knocking in search of the murderer of one Martin Travers. If nothing else, it was a place to start. �Detective? May I help you?� The vaguely familiar voice startled him out of his reverie. Damian Jade, club owner, had apparently recognized him and assumed he was here on business. // Oh shit, how do I tell him I�m not! // The man had looked at him so � appraisingly � the last time he�d been here. �Um, Mr. Jade. I � uh � I�m not here on business �� Jade�s smile was about 1000 watts. �Well! Isn�t that a pleasant surprise! And please, it�s Damian.� By this time, Lennie�s face was hot and flushed. Shyly, he returned the smile. �Uh, Damian, yeah. Lennie.� He offered his hand, and Jade took it. The firm grip surprised Lennie. Jade tipped his head to the side, reading the situation. �You�re new to this, aren�t you?� Blushing again, Lennie shook his head. �That obvious, huh?� Jade wrapped his arm around Lennie�s and steered him toward a table in the back of the room. �You need to relax, Lennie. Let�s just sit and chat a bit, shall we?� He flagged a waiter as they sat down. �Tom, get me a martini, and - Lennie, what will you have?� �Club soda,� was all Lennie could manage to answer. Damian raised an eyebrow but confirmed the order with Tom, who hustled off to the bar to take care of his boss. �Well, now it all makes a little more sense.� Damian�s comment confused Lennie. �What makes more sense?� �Well, the last time you were in here, you seemed awfully nervous. Your partner doesn�t know, I take it?� Lennie laughed. �Uh, actually, he�s about the only one who does know. It�s just, at that time, I didn�t know myself. At least not for sure �� �Oh, this IS recent then! By the way, did you catch whoever killed that poor man?� Lennie nodded. �Was it the one who left with him? I haven�t seen him in here since then.� Lennie�s face became a study in pain. �Uh, no � actually it was tied to the Russian mob.� Damian couldn�t miss the change in demeanor. �The one he left with � he is a friend of yours?� Lennie sighed. He really didn�t want to talk about this. But then again, he did. And like all good bartenders, Damian was a good listener. Before he knew it, Lennie was pouring out the story of the past few weeks like Damian was his best friend. �So now I don�t know what to think, Damian. I � I know I�m gay now. But I�m not sure what I want. I sure as hell didn�t want a �relationship� before this thing with Jack. I�ve been divorced twice, one of the things that always attracted me to the gay lifestyle was the � I don�t know � more open attitude I guess. Sex didn�t always HAVE to lead to a serious relationship. But first chance I get, what do I do but go for the whole enchilada! Maybe I�m not cut out for this life after all �� Somewhere along the line, Damian had laid his hand over Lennie�s, his thumb gently stroking over the back of it. He squeezed gently. �Lennie, I know a lot of guys like your friend Jack. They�re a big part of my clientele. All they want is a quick fuck every now and then. They check their hearts at the office and forget to bring them home. I�m happy to provide a relatively secure environment for them to find it. But please don�t think that�s all there is to this life! I know couples who have been together for 20 years and wear wedding rings. Lots of us are just looking for love like anybody else. Maybe not �TWOO WUV,� but definitely more than just anonymous sex.� Lennie couldn�t help laughing at Damian�s imitation of Peter Cook�s cleric in �The Princess Bride.� Damian smiled. �That�s better.� Lennie took a drink of his soda, suddenly realizing Damian was holding his hand. And that he liked it. Almost against his wishes, he found himself really liking this man. OK, he swished a little, broadcast a little more than Lennie thought was necessary, but then he was a club owner, he had to be at least a little flamboyant. He let his eyes roam over the man across from him. Mid-40�s, wavy brown hair, sparkling green eyes. Average height, maybe about 5�10�. A few more pounds than were strictly necessary, but it gave him a nice, soft appearance. Cuddly. With a start, Lennie realized that he wouldn�t mind if something �happened� with Damian. He licked his lips and asked a leading question. �What about you, Damian? What are you looking for?� Damian saw the moment of realization flash across Lennie�s face. He smiled. �I was lucky enough to find my true love, Lennie. Gerry and I were together for almost 15 years. But I lost him about two years ago.� For just a moment, the smile flickered. But then it was back. �It was so crazy, really. He was a bit of a hypochondriac, so afraid of this damned disease, always getting tested. We lost some good friends to it. But in the end, it was a truck running a red light that did him in. He would have found that so ironic." Damian sighed, a wistful smile on his face as he remembered his lover. "I�m not crazy enough to hope that I�ll be lucky enough to find that again. But that doesn�t stop me from looking, and along the way I�ve found some really good friends. You see, Lennie, it CAN be more than what your friend wants.� Neither of them noticed the tall figure that had come in and taken a seat at the bar. But he noticed them. Seeing Lennie here had shocked Jack. That was something he definitely had not expected. // What, you expected him to go back to denying himself? // And seeing him sitting there, talking so earnestly with Damian Jade. Something inside Jack�s chest tightened. His thoughts went back to the last time he�d been here, earlier in the week, and the blond kid he�d picked up. He�d been trying very hard not to compare that encounter with what he�d shared with the cop. But now he couldn�t stop his mind from making the comparison. Blondie had been a good fuck, but something had been missing. He knew it, had known it for a while even before Lennie had turned his world upside down. The one-night-stands were leaving him feeling empty. But as he looked across the room at Lennie, he couldn�t help remember the feeling of those hands on his body, so gentle, so loving. Those lips, caressing his body instead of bruising it. The eager enthusiasm of the novice, wanting to learn this new game. Except he knew that for Lennie it wasn�t just a game. It was more, it meant something. Lennie had made love to him, not just fucked him. And he really didn�t want to admit to himself how much he wanted that. Finally, the unthinkable happened. Damian stood, offering his hand to Lennie. Lennie smiled and took it, following Damian toward a door behind the bar. Jack�s stomach clenched as he realized Damian must be taking Lennie upstairs to his apartment above the bar. // No! Lennie! Don�t go with him! // Jack caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. What he saw there shocked him. What the hell was he thinking? He's the one who walked out; Lennie could do whatever the hell he damn well pleased. It didn�t matter to Jack one bit. So what if he got lucky? Maybe it was time he got on with getting lucky himself. In fact, there, behind him. Reflected in the mirror, he could see a very attractive young man staring at him. Jack sat up and turned around to look at him directly. This one wasn�t quite as young as blondie, closer to 30. Built very solid and looked like he worked out � a lot. // This could be fun! // He waved him over. Jack smiled at him as he approached the bar. "Buy you a drink?" "Sure. JD, straight up." Somehow the bartender appeared just at the right moment. The drink appeared moments later; Jack tossed down some bills. Their glasses clinked in a wordless toast. "So. We both know why we're here � I�m Jack." "Dave. Top or bottom?" "Either; I'm flexible." Dave grinned, taking another hit of the whiskey. Jack finished his scotch. "So, your place or mine?" With an almost feral grin, the powerful man simply said, �Mine. Come on.� He grabbed Jack and all but dragged him out of the bar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie followed Damian up the stairs to the private apartment above the club, nearly floating on the rush of a very pleasant, slightly nervous excitement. Damian unlocked the door and waved him toward a comfortable-looking couch. "Can I get you something?" "Got some soda?" Damian gazed at him as he headed toward the kitchen. "You don't drink?" Lennie shrugged. "Sober 4 months now." "Ah. I understand. Is that new too, or did you hit a bump?" "Blew 6 years of hard work with one shitty day." Damian returned with a couple of cokes and sat down beside Lennie. "Here's to starting over." Lennie smiled, almost shyly, as he acknowledged the toast. The nervousness was starting to creep up, dominating the heady cocktail of emotions. He took a deep breath as he leaned against the back of the couch. Damian's hand rested softly on his shoulder. "Nervous?" Lennie laughed softly. "Yeah, kinda." "It's all right, Lennie." Damian's touch remained light, maintaining contact, but not pushing. "So, uh, how does this usually go? Damian laughed. "Depends on what you're looking for at the time, Lennie. What do you want from tonight? A quick fuck?" "No �.I � I'm not sure. I want more than that, but I�m not sure what to call what I want." "Friendly sex? A fuck-buddy?" Lennie pursed his lips. He didn't like the term, but it seemed to convey the basic idea. "Yeah, that's kinda it. I � I can't check my heart at the door the way Jack does, you know?" Damian smiled. "Of course not. I wouldn't have invited you up here if I thought all you wanted was a quick fuck." His hand slid down Lennie's arm, a gentle caress. "I'd like to be your friend, Lennie. I knew there was something about you the first day we met." He brought up one hand to gently caress the weathered face. "You must have the most amazing stories �" Lennie's body was responding to Damian's touch. Excitement began to edge out the fear. Damian's hand gently lifted his face so that he was looking into those green eyes. Lennie swallowed, trying to find enough breath to speak. "I've got a few �" And then Damian was kissing him, just a soft brush of lips. Lennie felt like he'd been struck by lightning. His cock was well past half mast and pushing toward new lengths. He kissed back, opening his lips to let Damian in. As Lennie leaned forward into it, Damian's arms wrapped around him, and somehow his arms found Damian's waist. Finally, Damian pulled away. "I want to show you what this can be, Lennie. I don't want to rush you, though. Don't want you to do anything you're not ready to." Lennie smiled. "You're not rushing. Really." His voice came out a little breathlessly. Damian chuckled softly, then leaned in to kiss him again. This time it got more intense, a little more passion creeping in as tongues probed and explored. Damian's right hand somehow found the buttons of Lennie's shirt. Lennie felt the warmth of that hand touching his chest. Not aiming specifically to arouse, just a gentle caress, skin to skin. He sighed softly. Damian murmured softly into his ear. "You like that?" Lennie just nodded, distracted by Damian's tongue teasing at his earlobe. "I want to make you feel so good, Lennie. Can I do that?" "God, yes. I want you, Damian. Want you to � to make love to me �" Gentle fingers captured his face, as Damian looked into his eyes. "Lennie? Are you sure?" Lennie nodded. "I � I'm not virgin �" Damian smiled. There was something endearing about the tough cop's mixture of boldness and shyness. "All right. Why don't we get more comfortable?" He stood up and Lennie followed him back to the bedroom. Damian turned on a small bedside lamp. It wasn't the harsh light of room lighting, but it was more than enough to see by. Damian sat down on the bed and drew Lennie down beside him. He gently pushed the shirt back from Lennie's shoulders before urging him to lie down. Kicking his shoes off, Damian lay down beside Lennie. His hands roamed over the exposed flesh, just gently caressing. For the next half hour or so they explored each other's bodies, touching, smelling, tasting. Clothes gradually disappeared, exposing more skin to explore. Lennie moaned softly as Damain's skillful hands finally caressed his throbbing cock. He was more than content to lay there as Damian pleasured him, stroking the shaft, reaching down to cup the heavy sac, finally reaching one finger even further back. That got a louder groan. "Oh, god, Damian. Feels so good �" Lennie's breathing was very shallow. Damian smiled as he gently urged Lennie to roll over onto his side. "Not all the way, Lennie. That's enough. Here, pull your leg up. Yeah, that's good. You comfy?" Lennie grunted his agreement and watched as Damian reached for the lube and a condom. Seeing the eyes following him, Damian grabbed what he needed then turned back for a kiss. One hand slid tenderly down Lennie's body while they kissed. The detective's body was long and lanky, a bit worse for the long years of wear and tear, but still quite nice to look at. Damian smiled appreciatively as he maneuvered into position. Very gently, he prepared Lennie, getting him good and relaxed, stretched open. Lennie moaned softly at his touch, welcoming this most intimate contact. When Lennie was ready, Damian gently pushed him over onto his back. Confused, Lennie looked up at him. "Don't you want me the other way?" "Oh, Lennie, you have so much to learn. A lot of guys like the rear-entry position because it gives them a feeling of power. But it doesn't have to be that way. I'd rather see your face, be able to kiss you while we're joined." "Oh!" Lennie just blinked at him, not expecting this option. He cooperated as Damian lifted his legs to his shoulders, his eyes locked on the soft green ones as Damian pushed against him. The moment of pain once again mutated into pleasure, and he smiled as his lover slowly worked his way in. Once buried, Damian's hands slid up Lennie's sides as he leaned over the long body. He caressed the softly furred chest as he thrust slowly in and out. Eventually he worked his way up to claim Lennie's lips, drawing a whimper from his throat. Almost involuntarily, Lennie's arms wrapped around him, holding him close as Damian's thrusts intensified. His cock was trapped between their bodies, being rubbed with each thrust. Damian took his time, drawing out their pleasure as long as he could, but finally it became too much. Lennie could feel the sweat on the other man's body from his exertions as he picked up the pace, found himself moving in concert with Damian as they went for the gold. The friction sent Lennie over the edge first; his contractions ultimately doing Damian in. They lay together, panting from the exertion and the pleasure. Damian's head pillowed on Lennie's shoulder, one hand thrown casually over his chest. Lennie felt himself drifting into a pleasant drowsy state, not quite asleep, but not entirely awake either. That wonderful feeling after sex where you felt like everything was right with the world. He let his fingers play in the dark hair. "Thank you," he murmured softly. Damian hugged him. "You're welcome." For a while Lennie just lay there, floating. He wished he could have shared this with Jack. But the attorney just didn't seem to understand this part of the equation. They had gotten close a couple of times, but then Jack�s distance would reassert itself. So close, but yet so far � A sad sigh escaped him. Damian looked at him, surprised to see the sadness reflected in the long face. �Lennie? You ok?� // Shit. That�s rude. Thinking of him with I�m with someone else � // Lennie tried to focus on the moment, the feel of Damian�s body snuggled close to his. �Yeah, I�m fine.� But Damian wasn�t buying it. �No you�re not. You�re thinking of him, aren�t you? You friend Jack?� Lennie thought about denying it, but then he noticed something in Damian�s eyes. Or rather the lack of something. He wasn�t jealous, or disappointed. There was no recrimination in those beautiful green eyes, only compassion. Lennie took a deep breath and nodded. �Yeah. I�m sorry �� Damian sat up a little, shifting them so that he was holding Lennie. �Don�t be. I knew from our conversation earlier how much he means to you. Are you in love with him?� Lennie thought about it for a minute before answering. �No � not quite. I care about him a lot, and I think if he�d ever let me in, I could. But he won�t.� Damian gently caressed Lennie�s arm. �Do you think that will change?� Lennie sighed. �You know, he�s been active in this life for 15 years now, and he doesn�t seem to know anything beyond his little anonymous encounters and games. You�ve told me more about the reality of this life tonight that he ever did. I guess he just doesn�t want anything more.� �Then give yourself time to let him go, Lennie. It took a lot of courage to come here tonight. You�ve taken the first steps to embracing your true self. I�ll be here anytime you want to talk � or anything else. You�re not ready for a real commitment yet, and that�s fine, that�s not what I�m looking for either. But you�ve got a friend, Lennie. Always remember that.� Damian's words touched something deep inside Lennie. A comforting warmth seemed to spread through his body. He snuggled closer to Damian. "Thanks. That means a lot." Damian held him, gently stroking the graying hair until finally Lennie sat up. �Well, I guess I�d better get going.� �You don�t have to; you�re welcome to stay here tonight.� Lennie managed a soft smile. �Thanks. You know, that was what scared Jack away at the end � asking him to stay the night. I � I think I want to save that for when I find that someone special. I suppose you think that sounds silly �� Damian shook his head. �Not at all. You�re one of the icons of literature, Lennie, the gruff hardboiled detective with the heart of gold that he keeps hidden. Sentimental works for you � when you�re not on duty, of course.� Lennie had to laugh at Damian�s insight. He�d nailed it. �Nah, you�re confusing me with somebody else �" Damian shrugged knowing Lennie couldn�t actually admit it. They smiled at each other, knowing Damian was right. By this time, Lennie had tracked down his clothes and gotten dressed. Damian walked him to the door and gave him an affectionate kiss goodnight. As Lennie walked back to his car parked on the side street, he heard the sound of a motorcycle in the distance. For a moment he couldn't help wonder if it was Jack. It was getting louder, and as Lennie crossed the street to his car, the bike came tearing down the street like a bat out of hell. The rider wasn't wearing a helmet, and probably would have hit Lennie if he hadn't jumped out of the way. Panting, Lennie reached into the car and grabbed the police radio. "Dispatch? Lennie Briscoe, homicide out of the 2-7. I'm parked on an alley behind � West 114th street. Some maniac on a motorcycle just blew through here like he owned the place. Nearly took me out." "Are you all right, detective?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "OK, well, I'll alert the local unit to keep an eye out for this maniac. Have a good night, detective." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple of blocks away, a man lay in another alley, badly batered and bruised. He couldn't get to his feet. For about half an hour he lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness. A cop car turned down the alley, spotted him in their headlights. Two uniformed cops got out. One checked his pulse. "He's alive � get an ambulance." His partner called dispatch. "We've got a male vic, mid 50's, looks like he was assaulted. Get us an ambulance out here!" The vic floated into consciousness. "Sir? Can you tell us what happened?" "Stole my bike �Yamaha � took off on it �" The dark eyes closed again as consciousness faded out. The cops looked at each other. Those bruises said there was more to this than just a stolen motorcycle �. Continue on to Chapter 17 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 16 |