| A Matter of Trust |
| Jack McCoy sat alone in his apartment with the lights off. The summer evening sun was still coming in through the window, but it was starting to dim. He felt frozen inside. It had been two days since Lennie Briscoe had forced him to remember what had happened to him. Two days in which he'd done almost nothing but sit there and stare into space. He'd been raped. The awful truth was out. Worst of all was the fact that Lennie knew. Had seen him break down as the reality hit him. And had looked at him, not with contempt, but with compassion. The kindness in those soft heavy-lidded eyes was too much for him to bear. He didn't deserve it. After all, it was his fault that other man was lying in the hospital. If he'd just told the truth last weekend, maybe they could have caught "Dave" before he attacked again. But how could he? Admitting publicly that he'd been picked up in a gay bar? Admitting that he had been raped? He couldn't admit it to himself at the time! Still could barely admit it. But worst of all was the fear. He'd always been so careful. But he hadn't had the choice this time. "Dave", or whoever he was, hadn't used a condom. He knew it could take up to 6 months for the virus to show itself. He'd be living in fear for at least that long, wondering if it was going to happen. Just thinking about it sent a shiver through his body. A knock at the door startled him. He sat there, staring at the door, wondering what to do. He really didn't want to see anybody, and especially not Lennie. The cop had tried to call him several times; he'd left his answering machine on to screen the calls. But when nobody answered the door, a familiar voice called out, "Jack? You in there?" "Adam?" Almost against his will, Jack found himself getting up and opening the door. Schiff stood there, taking in the painful sight. McCoy's face looked haggard; he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. The salt and pepper hair was tangled, as if he'd not even bothered to comb it. An old t-shirt and sweat pants completed the picture of abject misery. "You look terrible." Jack just blinked as his boss pushed his way into the apartment. "Adam? What are you doing here?" The older man turned to look at his friend, his gruff manner softening somewhat. "Jack. I know what happened." Panic flashed in Jack's eyes, quickly followed by anger. "How dare he! It ... it wasn't his place to tell you!" "I assume you mean Briscoe? He didn't tell me." Now Jack was really confused. "He didn't? Then who?" "Lt. Van Buren came over to see me personally to brief me on a case of a serial rapist. You're not the only victim here, Jack." The realization that the second rape had made it a police matter, and that lots of people were going to know what happened to him, hit him hard. Jack fell back into his chair, holding his head between his hands. "Oh, God!" Adam sat down on the sofa opposite the chair. His voice was soft, soothing. "I was worried when you called in sick this morning. You'd usually rather hide in your work. But I had no idea it was this bad, Jack." He reached out to gently touch Jack's arm, resting on the arm of the chair. At the touch, Jack jerked the arm away and glared at his boss. "I don't want your sympathy, Adam." Schiff sighed, shaking his head. "No, of course not. You've always been the suffer in silence type." Jack looked up; there was a hint of contempt in the way Adam said it. The older man scowled. "You always push away the people who want to help you. Damn it, Jack, this one is too big to handle on your own." Jack just shook his head. "I don't know any other way, Adam." "Well, it's about time you figured one out. You've got a responsibility here, Jack. The cops need your testimony to put this bastard away. The other victim can't speak for himself, at least not yet. How many times have you argued with rape victims to speak up? Time to put your money where your mouth is." Jack looked frightened. "Adam, I can't do that! People � would know �" "They already know, Jack. Briscoe and Curtis, Van Buren, probably some others at the 2-7. We're going to have to prosecute this case, which is why the Lieutenant had to tell me. Obviously you can't take the case, I'll assign another lead ADA, but I want Jamie as second chair. This bastard is going down!" A sharp smacking sound came as Schiff's fist crashed down on the end table. The noise startled McCoy. It wasn't like Adam to show so much emotion. He looked up into his friend's eyes and suddenly realized how much this had affected the D.A. He felt guilty for the hurt he saw there. "Adam, I'm sorry �" Schiff's posture softened. "Jack it's not your fault. You have to believe that. The only thing you're guilty of is not letting the people who care about you help. Did you ever think that it hurts us to be shut out?" Jack's head bowed in shame. He couldn't speak. The next thing he knew, Adam's hand covered his again, holding on tightly. He couldn't suppress the flinch, but forced himself not to pull away. The gravelly voice spoke softly. "Jack. You can't believe that I'd ever hurt you?" He shook his head. "No, of course not. It's just �" "I know, Jack. We've seen it often enough. But you're strong, son. You can get through this." "I don't know how, Adam." Schiff gently squeezed his hand and let go. "First of all, you've got an appointment tomorrow morning at Liz Olivet's office. Now, don't go getting all riled up. Talk to her, Jack, give her a chance to help you." Jack's protest was nipped in the bud; instead, he just nodded. "Good. Second thing. I talked to your friend Briscoe this afternoon. I know you two had some kind of misunderstanding, but he's willing to put it behind you. You have to at least work with the man so we can put this bastard away. But Jack - I'll be damned if I can understand why at the moment, but he really cares about you. Don't throw that away lightly." "Adam, I don't know �" Schiff sighed. "Jack, you were lying to yourself last time we talked. You said he was the one falling in love, not you. You were half right. He does care. And so do you. Why is that such a problem for you?" "I � I don't know, Adam." "Well, maybe it's about time you figured that out too. We don't get too many chances at real love in this life. And when we do find it, it can be lost far too easily. Don't give it up willingly!" Jack sighed heavily, running his fingers through the tangled hair. He realized Adam was talking about Eleanore, his wife of 40 years, who had been lost to a stroke not so long ago. For a few moments, the two men sat there, lost in their thoughts. Finally, Adam broke the silence. "Jack? When was the last time you ate something?" "I � I'm not sure. Last couple of days have been kind of a blur." "Thought so. Go get yourself presentable and I'll take you out to dinner." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It had been a long, frustrating day for Lennie Briscoe. After talking with Schiff, he'd gone back to the precinct and calling cleaning services. So far, no luck. At 5PM they stopped getting answers. They were just about to call it a day when another case came in and they were dragged out to the crime scene. He and Rey had grabbed a quick bite to eat on the way, then spent the next several hours at the scene. Finally at about 9PM he got into his own car and headed home. But home didn't seem to be the answer. Instead, he found himself headed toward the Jade Palace. He felt kind of guilty for wanting to see Damian, but since Jack wouldn't let him in, he didn't know what else to do. He parked a couple of blocks away and wandered in to the bar. It was pretty quiet; Monday night wasn't exactly the busiest time for a bar. Tony was at the bar, wiping down a glass. "Hey, Detective! What brings you over here? Some news on that guy?" Lennie shook his head. "Nothing yet, Tony. I was hoping Damian might be around?" Tony nodded toward the back room. "He's in his office. Go on back. You want a drink first?" Lennie shook his head. "Nah, thanks." He headed to the back office and tapped lightly on the door as he opened it. Damian looked up from the desk. "Lennie! How are you doing?" He got up and came around the desk to hug his friend. Lennie felt himself melting into that embrace. He pulled away to look into his friend's eyes. "Oh, god, Damian, I needed that." Damian smiled. "I can see that. Straight men are so afraid to touch, they forget how comforting it can be." Lennie blushed. "I guess I'm still too entrenched in the straight world �" Damian laughed. "You're learning, Lennie. Sit down, tell me. Have you found 'Dave' yet?" Lennie shook his head. "Got a few leads. But nothing solid yet. I wanted to talk to you about that. Can you take the photos down?" "Why?! I don't want him getting to any more of my clients!" "I know. But if he follows his pattern, he'll be back here this weekend. I'm going to go undercover, set myself up to be his next victim." "Lennie, is that such a good idea?" Lennie shrugged. "If we don't have anything better by then, yeah, better me than some poor slob who doesn't know what he's getting into. Keep the photos up in your staff areas; if he turns up before then, somebody here should recognize him. But I'm counting on him keeping his M.O. this weekend." Damian reached across the desk to take Lennie's hand. "Of course, Lennie, if that's what you want." Lennie smiled. "Don't worry, I'll have plenty of backup." It was nice to know somebody cared. Damian looked at him more closely. "That's not all you wanted to talk about, is it? How is Jack?" Lennie sighed. "Not good. I showed him the sketch, and he fell apart, Damian. I was right - he was raped." "And he's still pushing you away." Lennie nodded. Damian got up and urged Lennie to join him on the couch along the far wall of the office. He settled down beside the detective, wrapping his arm around the tense shoulders. "That hurts, doesn't it? Being pushed away." "Yeah. There was a moment when I thought I was getting through, but it didn't last." Damian nodded. "I've seen this before, Lennie. It's going to take a lot of patience. Don't give up on him." Lennie sighed, pulling away. "So why am I here, then? Why did I come looking for you?" "Lennie, you're human. Sometimes a caregiver needs as much support as the one he's caring for. I know you love him, I'm not going to misinterpret your actions." "I never said I love him �" "You didn't need to, Lennie." They looked at each other for a long moment, then Damian pulled Lennie close again, just holding him. After a moment, Lennie sighed and let it happen, realizing he needed the comfort of this closeness. His mind wandered to the conversation with Adam Schiff this afternoon. The D.A. obviously thought there was more to this than Jack wanted to admit too. Lennie wasn't sure what to believe. One thing he was sure of was that being held by a friend who cared was a hell of a lot better than 'toughing it out' alone. Now if there was just a way to convince Jack of that. Continue on to Chapter 22 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 21 |