| A Matter of Trust |
| Jack was in a good mood. He finally had his bike back, released from the police impound lot. For a few days he�d considered keeping the insurance check and letting them take it; he wasn�t sure he wanted it back after what had happened. But he�d finally realized that it was his, and he wasn�t letting this creep have any more of his life. Riding it to work on this hot summer morning seemed to put one facet of his life back into balance. It felt right. He parked in the garage below One Hogan Place and took the elevator up to the tenth floor. It was still early, not a lot of folks around yet. He quickly changed into a suit and grabbed a cup of coffee. He�d have a chance to give the morning paper a quick scan before settling in. He scanned the headlines, working his way down the front page. There, in the bottom third of the front page, was something that made his blood run cold. �Oh, shit �� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie was having a rough morning. He�d been out last night with Jack, joyriding on the back of the attorney�s motorcycle. It had been a lot of fun, they�d been clowning around like a couple of kids, and had caught an absolutely spectacular sunset over the Hudson river. But he�d gotten home late, and had apparently not turned on his alarm. Luckily the sun coming in the window had awakened him, but he was already late. So he showered and dressed as quickly as possible, and rushed over to the precinct. As he walked in, he noticed people were staring at him, and some of the stares were hostile. Just as he was about to ask when being late got so serious, he caught sight of the Lieutenant. She looked pissed. �Briscoe, get in here on the double.� He barely had a chance to throw a questioning look in Rey�s direction before facing his boss. �Lieutenant, I�m sorry I�m late, forget to turn my alarm on.� He tried to forestall the chewing out he was expecting. �Well, we were wondering if you�d dare to show your face here at all today.� She threw the morning paper at him. It was folded back to highlight a headline at the bottom of the front page: �Gay cop out for revenge?� Lennie�s stomach dropped and he was suddenly glad he hadn�t had time for breakfast. Van Buren�s voice was icy. �You wanna explain this?� Lennie quickly read the article. Donaldson had apparently leaked the defense�s theory about Lennie�s motives to a reporter. The reporter had managed to confirm that Det. Briscoe was in fact something of a regular at the Jade Palace, and not just on business. The reporter was only too happy to speculate on exactly what had been going on between the Detective and EADA Jack McCoy. Lennie looked up at her. �It�s a lie, you know that. You know we worked the case from Sandhu�s attack! It�s a clean bust!� �Not if you were involved with McCoy, it�s not! Just tell me, Lennie. Is it true?� Lennie sighed. �Yes and no. Yes, we were involved for a while, but it had kind of ended at that point.� Anita Van Buren sat there, just staring for a few moments. // Lennie Briscoe is gay. // The world shifted off its axis just a little bit. �You should have told me, Lennie. Somebody else should have done the undercover. If this creep gets off because you couldn�t let go, how�s that going to look?� Lennie hung his head and sighed. He knew she was right. But he also realized that she was looking at him like he�d suddenly grown a second head. �Lieutenant? Are we going to have a problem with this?� She frowned. �Lennie, right now I honestly don�t know what to think. I know things aren�t going to be easy for you out there. You know as well as I do that there are still some old-schoolers around. I won�t tolerate harassment, but I can�t change the way people think. You might want to keep a low profile for a while.� Lennie nodded and left her office. There had been a chill in her voice he'd never have expected, a personal 'freeze-out.' They'd always had a good working relationship, even a sort of playful flirtatiousness, that was decidedly missing now. It left him feeling cold and lonely, especially as all eyes around the bullpen were openly following him as he walked to his desk. He couldn�t help feeling like some of them were gluing a target to his back, and wondered if Van Buren was thinking about target practice. Rey was waiting for him by their desks. He handed Lennie a cup of coffee, making a show of solidarity. Lennie accepted it gratefully, sinking down into his chair. Rey perched on the edge of his desk. �Don�t let it get to you, Lennie. Let�s just do our jobs today and ignore the rabble. OK?� Lennie took a deep breath and nodded. He spent the next half hour trying to concentrate on the case they were working without much success. He came across a reference to the victim�s daughter and suddenly realized that his own daughters shouldn�t hear about this on the news. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. Rey looked up at the sound. �What is it, Lennie?� �My girls, Rey. I gotta tell my girls the truth �� Curtis nodded sympathetically. �Come on, let�s get out of here �� The partners got up and headed out to the car as if heading out to track down a lead. Rey drove to a small shopping center and parked. He tossed Lennie his cell phone. �I�ll be inside �� Lennie�s fingers shook as he punched out Cathy�s number. He hadn�t talked to her since the day of the execution. They�d fought, as usual. The phone rang quite a few times. Lennie hoped that she had been on night shift last night and hadn�t had a chance to see the paper yet today. Finally a sleepy voice answered �Yeah?� �Uh, hi, Cath, it�s your Dad. Sorry, did I wake you?� Cathy Briscoe rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up. �Uh, yeah. What time is it?� �About 10:30.� �Um. What did you want?� Lennie�s stomach did a 180, trying to tie itself into a knot. �Cath, honey, you know I love you, don�t you?� Now she was really worried. �Dad? What�s going on?� �Um, honey, there�s an article in today�s paper about a case I�m working on. I � I really need to see you, honey, to explain in person. Can you meet me for lunch?� �Yeah, I guess �Dad, what is it?� �I�d � rather tell you in person, ok? Promise you won�t read the paper?� �Dad �� �Promise me, please.� She sighed. �OK, Dad, I�ll wait. Where do you want to meet?� They picked a restaurant near her apartment. �See you in an hour, ok?� �OK.� Lennie hung up and stared at the phone. Julia was down in Florida; it wasn�t likely this would make the news down there. Should he call her too, or just let Cathy pass on the news? He decided that one daughter�s rejection was all he could deal with in one day. He just sat there trying not to think until the car door opened again and Rey got back in. "How'd it go?" he asked, worried. Lennie shrugged. "Couldn't do it, Rey. Not on the phone. She's gonna meet me for lunch." Rey nodded, reaching out to squeeze Lennie's shoulder. "Hang in there, Lennie." Briscoe managed a weak smile for his partner. "Thanks for sticking with me." "You know how I feel about it, Lennie. You're my partner. You're stuck with me." Lennie laughed. "Thank god." He got serious. "Rey, before I got there this morning � I gotta know. Did anybody say anything �?" Rey sighed. "You might have some problems with Profaci. The night of the bust, he was asking all the wrong questions." Lennie shook his head. "Damn." They sat quietly for a little while, knowing that it would be a mistake to head back to the precinct. Finally Lennie made up his mind. "Listen, Rey, would you mind dropping me over at the deli on Lexington? I'll just wait for Cathy there." "You sure, Lennie?" He nodded. "I'm sure. I'm not gonna be any use to anybody today." "OK, if that's what you want." Rey dropped his partner at the deli then headed back to the 2-7. He was half afraid of what he'd find at their desks, and he wasn't disappointed. Somebody had taken Lennie's coffee mug and written 'FAG' on it in what looked like red nail polish. He shook his head sadly as he tried to scrape it off. // have to scavenge some polish remover from the girls � // He promised himself he'd clean it up before Lennie ever saw it. Profaci saw he was alone and came over to gloat. "Hey Curtis. Told you something was wrong. You gonna ask the LT for a new partner?" Rey glared at him. "Now why the hell would I want to do something stupid like that, Profaci?" Profaci blinked, obviously surprised. "You're Mr. Moral Majority, Curtis. You wouldn't want a fag for a partner!" His attitude was getting on Rey's last nerve. "Oh, you know me so well, do you, Profaci? Well, guess again. I didn't get any news out of that article this morning. I've know about as long as he has. And it doesn't bother me a bit. Now just back off!" His voice had gotten rather loud by the end of the statement, and again everybody in the precinct was looking at them. Rey looked around at the crowd. "That goes for the rest of you, too. Lennie's a good partner and and a good cop and if he's gay, well, that's none of your damned business and it doesn't change anything. Do I make myself clear?" Most people suddenly got busy with whatever came to hand. Profaci gave him one last disgusted glance and stalked off. Rey sighed and sat down, trying to focus on his work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie sat in a booth at the deli nursing a cup of coffee and trying to figure out what to say to his daughter. He and Cathy just never seemed to see things the same way. Somehow he just never found the right words. It was still early for the lunch crowd, so he looked up every time the front door opened. Right on time, Cathy walked in. Lennie waved her over. "Hi, Dad." "Hey, kiddo. Sit down." Cathy slid into the other side of the booth. For an awkward moment, they stared at each other, not sure what to do or say. A waitress came over and took Cathy's drink order and left a menu, but it sat ignored on the table. "OK, Dad. What's the emergency?" "Did you see the paper?" She glared at him. "I said I wouldn't." "Yeah. OK. I've been working this case. A serial rapist who preys on gay men. He counts on the fact that his victims are so afraid of being 'outed' that they won't report the rape. I went undercover to flush him out, set myself up as his latest victim. We got him, but he's playing dirty. The trial starts tomorrow; he threatened that if the DA's office didn't drop the case, he'd out not just the victims, but the gay cop who he says 'set him up.' Apparently he took his case to the press last night." Cathy stared at him. "Are you telling me �?" Lennie nodded. He tried to speak, but his throat closed up; no words could get out. Cathy shook her head. "You're gay?" "Yeah." They sat and stared at each other for a painful minute. Finally Cathy broke the silence. �So you�ve been lying to us all along.� Lennie sighed. He knew she�d take it the wrong way. �No I haven�t, sweetheart. Lying to myself, maybe, but never to you. I just figured it out myself a few months ago.� �Oh.� For once, Cathy seemed to be actually listening to him. He�d been expecting an explosion. Her silence threw him off. �Cath?� �What do you want me to say, Dad? That I understand? That it�s ok? I can�t do that. At least not yet. You gotta admit, this is kind of out of the blue!� Lennie looked at her and nodded. �Yeah, ok.� Another heavy silence hung over them. For once, Lennie couldn�t think of a single thing to say. Finally, Cathy just shook her head. �Look, Dad, I�m not very hungry. I�m gonna head out. Do you want me to tell Mom?� Lennie sighed. �She�s probably already seen the papers. But yeah, you can let her know it�s true. And Julia �� Cathy nodded. �Yeah. OK. I�ll see you around, Dad.� Lennie watched sadly as she walked out of his life yet again. He flagged the waitress for more coffee and sat staring dejectedly into his cup. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ �I�d offer to buy you a cup of coffee, but looks like you�ve already got that covered.� Lennie looked up at the familiar voice. �Jack. What are you doing here?� The attorney slid into the opposite seat. �Rey told me where to find you. I was worried when I saw the papers this morning.� Lennie nodded. �Not a great day. Didn�t help that I forgot to set my alarm last night and got in late �� �Ouch.� �Yeah, well, they all got a good stare at the fag cop. Maybe they�ll leave it alone.� �You don�t believe that for a second, do you?� �Nope. Hell, Jack, it just isn�t fair! Twenty-four years on the force, and all it takes is one lousy punk casting at straws for a defense to bring it all down. He doesn�t even KNOW anything about us, he was just guessing!� Jack flagged the waitress and got some coffee for himself. �You weren�t too worried when Jamie told us they�d try this.� Lennie sighed. �I was too busy worrying about you � I wasn�t thinking it through.� Jack reached out and took his hand. �I�m sorry, Lennie. This is all my fault. I should never have dragged you into this mess. I can never repay you for all the times you�ve been there when I needed someone. But if there�s anything I can do �� �Jack, it�s not your fault! I went willingly, remember?� �But still �� �No! You�ve been through enough, Jack. You don�t need to take on my problems too.� �Lennie, we said we�d get through this - together. I�m going to hold you to that.� Lennie managed a small smile, touched by Jack�s loyalty. �OK, Jack. Together.� Jack squeezed his hand. "So how bad is it, really?" Lennie sighed. �There was a case, years ago. Back in Ben Stone�s days. Cop named Newhouse died because his so-called �buddies� found out he was gay and didn�t back him up one day. It�s not just me, Jack. Rey has a wife and three little girls who depend on him. If anything happened to him because of me, I�d never be able to live with myself.� Jack nodded. "I remember hearing about the case. But you're not some uniform out on patrol. Thankfully you don't get into those situations very often." "No, but still, there's the chance ..." Jack shook his head. "Lennie, I saw Rey earlier. He's with you 110%. I don't think you could chase him away if you tried." Lennie managed a wry smile. "You're probably right." "Of course I'm right. I know it's upsetting to face the stares, the unasked questions. I've seen it at work too. But it's not the end of the world, Lennie. You are what you are, and there's no reason to be ashamed of it. I know I'm not exactly the poster child for self-acceptance, but I'm starting to realize it's the only way to win this game. Stick with the people who will accept you for who you are, and the hell with the rest of them." His eyes clearly showed his acceptance. Lennie smiled softly and squeezed his hand, grateful for the support. Jack hesitated, then asked, "How did your daughter take it?" Lennie sighed. "She didn't freak, but she didn't stick around either. Said she needed time to deal with it." "Well, that's not bad." "Yeah, at least we didn't end up screaming at each other." "So what are you going to do with the rest of the day?" Lennie shrugged. "I don't know. Should probably head back to work, face the music." Jack hesitated. He'd been thinking about all that Lennie had done for him since this mess started. He could see how badly this latest situation had gotten to his friend. He wanted to do something special, to show Lennie how much he cared. Part of him was still afraid of a more physical relationship, but part of him wanted to take Lennie home and take his mind off this mess. Before he realized it, he was talking. "How about you come over to my place tonight, Lennie? Let me take your mind off all this. Let me remind you there's a good side to it too ..." Lennie looked up at him, surprised. He realized what Jack was offering. Part of him wanted to say 'yes.' But he could see the shadow of fear in the dark eyes. And truth be told, he wasn't quite ready yet himself; at the moment he was in the mood for a good long sulk. "I ... I don't think so, Jack. I think tonight I just want to be by myself, ok?" He looked deeply into Jack's eyes, terrified that the rejection would be hurtful. He saw disappointment, and more than a little relief. and knew he'd made the right decision. "OK, if that's what you really want." The attorney's voice was soft, and the hand that still held his squeezed gently. Lennie smiled. "Thanks, Jack ..." McCoy started to get up, then turned back to his friend. "Lennie, if you want to talk, you know where to find me." "Yeah." Jack smiled as he squeezed Lennie's shoulder quickly, then left. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was about 9PM by the time Lennie got home that night. He'd gone back to the precinct and made himself concentrate on the case he and Rey were working, ignoring everybody else around him. They'd done some good work, tracking down the trail of phone calls and credit card purchases that led to a killer. The simple actions of arresting the scum and putting him behind bars somehow made the day feel like it was worth it after all. Even if the world knew he was gay, he was still a good cop, and that was all that really mattered. The light on his answering machine was blinking. He hit the button. "Hey, Dad. It's Julia. Listen, I just talked to Cathy ... Call me, will you?" He sighed, not sure he wanted to face this now. But she didn't sound upset, so maybe it was ok? // Might as well get it over with. // He had to dig out his address book and look up the number in Miami. His fingers trembled as he punched out the numbers. He really hoped Steve, Julia's husband, wouldn't answer the phone. He wasn't overly fond of his son-in-law, they had never really connected, and he had a suspicion that Steve wouldn't be thrilled with this news. Thankfully, it was Julia's sweet voice which answered. "Hello?" "Hey, kiddo, it's your Dad ..." "Oh, good! I was worried you wouldn't call back tonight ..." "I was working late. Sorry it took so long." "That's ok." "So, um, you talked to Cathy?" "Yeah. Listen, Dad, I just wanted you to know ... it's ok. I mean, it's kind of a surprise, but once I started thinking about it, I decided maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised. It's going to take a little while to get used to, but ... we'll get used to it." Lennie sighed with relief. "Thanks, kiddo. I wasn't sure when Cathy left earlier ..." "Dad, you know how she is. Everything has to have a touch of drama." Lennie actually laughed at that. "Well, that's one way to put it." "She got that from Mom. That's why you two have so many problems. She's too much like Mom." "Oh, is that it?" "Yeah. You never figured that out?" "Actually, no. I guess it's a day for revelations. Speaking of which, how did Steve handle it?" Julia sighed. "He wasn't thrilled. But he'll deal with it. Leave that to me to worry about. I'm sure you've got enough worries of your own. The trial starts tomorrow?" "Yeah. It's going to be rough, but not as bad for me as for Jack." "Jack. Is he your ..." She left it hanging, not quite knowing what word to use. "Sort of. It's kind of ... complicated ..." Julia laughed. "Well, that sounds about right for you." Her voice got serious. "Dad, does he make you happy?" Lennie thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, honey, he does." "Then don't let it slip away. Fight for it." Her support warmed his heart. "Thanks, kiddo. I will." "OK, Dad, I'd better go put Jerry to bed. Hang in there, ok?" He was blinking back tears as he pictured her with his grandson. "Yeah, will do, kiddo. Love you." "Love you too, Dad. Night." He sighed as he hung up the phone. Her words echoed in his mind, and before he knew it he was dialing again. "Jack? Hey, it's me. Listen, I know it's late, but ... could you come over?" "Lennie? Sure. What's up?" "Ah, I just talked to my other daughter. She's ok with it ... but I just decided I really didn't want to be alone after all ..." Jack could hear something in Lennie's voice, he couldn't quite put a name to it, but he knew his friend needed him. "Sure, Lennie, I'll be right over." "Thanks. Listen, Jack, I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with, OK? I just ... need to see you, ok?" Jack smiled softly. "I hear you, Lennie. It's ok. Hang in there, I'll be right over." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Half an hour later, Lennie was enveloped by a pair of long arms, holding him close as they settled in for the night ... Continue on to Chapter 28 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 27 |