| A Matter of Trust |
| Jamie caught them in the hallway outside the courtroom. "Feldman decided it was too late to add another charge. We're going ahead with closing arguments." Jack sighed. "Well, it was an outside chance at best." Lennie squeezed his shoulder. "At least this will be over sooner this way, Jack." Jack laughed. "You know, Lennie, for a cynic, you sure manage to see a lot of silver linings." Lennie shrugged. "Whatever gets you through the day." They took their places in the gallery. The jury was brought back in, the bailiff made his announcement, and Feldman declared the court in session. Donaldson got up to address the jury. "Ladies and gentlemen, my client stands accused of rape and assault. Serious accusations which carry a heavy penalty. But before you can convict a man and impose that penalty, you'd better be very sure he really did it. It is the responsibility of the state to prove beyond a REASONABLE DOUBT that they have the right man. Have they done so in this case? Have they even proved that a crime was committed? I think not. Mr. Blaise freely admits having sexual encounters with both Mr. McCoy and Mr. Sandhu. But there is a difference between consensual sex and rape. Mr. Sandhu doesn't even remember what happened. All the doctors can tell us is that he did have sex, and he was viciously beaten. Not necessarily by the same person or at the same time. So while a crime of assault was clearly committed, there is no way to tie that crime to his sexual activity that night. One fact we are sure of is that Mr. McCoy originally did not report his 'attack' as rape. Why did he change his story? Has he simply talked himself into believing it to justify to himself why he wasn't comfortable playing a particularly rough game, rather than simply admitting that he is getting too old for such activities? Or has seeing poor Mr. Sandhu made him simply want to get what he thought was the perpetrator of that heinous crime? And what about Det. Briscoe? Was he just a cop doing his job, or did he overreact in his desire to punish the man he believed raped his lover? Who really threw the first punch? Can we ever know for sure? The state must prove beyond a reasonable doubt that someone has committed a crime before they can be convicted. In this case, they haven't even proved that a crime has been committed, let alone by the man they have accused! With this much doubt, the only verdict possible is not guilty." Donaldson took his seat. Out in the gallery, Jack took a deep breath, knowing that now the worst was truly over. Unless the jury did the unthinkable and believed that pond scum � he tried not to think about that. Liz Donnelly approached the jury. "Sex crimes are some of the hardest crimes to prosecute. So often, it comes down to a game of 'he said/she said.' Or in this case, he said/HE said. So the question here is who do you believe? The stories here are so radically different that SOMEbody has to be lying. So who is it? "Mr. Donaldson keeps harping on how Mr. McCoy 'changed his story.' It is true that he did not initially report the attack as rape, but that is typical of rape victims. For many, and particularly for men, it is difficult to admit to yourself, let alone to strangers, that you were violated. More than 50% of all rapes are never even reported to the police because of this. The victims eventually get over the denial and seek help in their recovery. Overcoming denial is not 'changing your story.' That Mr. McCoy had the courage to come forward at that point is a testament to his honor and dedication to the principles of law. "Mr. Donaldson would have you believe that Det. Briscoe engineered the undercover as a way of getting back at my client for hurting Mr. McCoy. If you were a police officer, would you throw away the chance for putting someone in jail for many years just for the gratification of punching him once? I think not. "So we have two credible witnesses who say Mr. Blaise attacked them. And what do we have on the other side? A man who was fired for making improper and illicit use of his access to unoccupied apartments. After all, you can't have your neighbors hearing screams every weekend. I think most of us can tell the difference between screams of pain and those of pleasure. A man who stole the property of one of his victims, and was so stupid he didn't even tell his lawyer the whole story. A man who admits he 'likes it rough.' "You are instructed to convict unless there is reasonable doubt. I ask you, is it reasonable to believe ANYTHING Mr. Blaise says? Because if you believe him, then you have to believe McCoy and Briscoe are lying. These men are sworn officers of the court. Men who have faithfully served the people for more years than either of them would care to count. And perhaps more importantly, men who had everything to gain by their silence, and everything to lose by coming forward. In order to bring this man to justice, both have been 'outed.' Det. Briscoe has already suffered threats by those in the police department who are not comfortable with the idea of a gay police officer. Mr. McCoy faced the possible ridicule of exposing his secret before the very people he works with every day. They could have let this case drop and stayed safely in the 'closet.' So I ask you again � are the doubts the defense has raised 'reasonable' in view of what these two brave men have told you? Don't let their attempt to confuse the issue by throwing around unfounded theories deter you from returning a guilty verdict. Thank you.' She took her seat as the Judge gave the jury their instructions then released them to their deliberations. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon when they filed out of the courtroom. The chances of a verdict before the end of the day were almost nil, but they decided to wait at the courthouse rather than adjourn back to Hogan Place. They sat at a table at the coffeeshop on the first floor of the building. "So Jamie, what do you think?" Liz asked, knowing her second chair would have been evaluating the jury's reaction to the closing arguments. Jamie shook her head. "I just can't get a read. I think they want to believe the 'good guys', but they're hung up on what exactly constitutes 'reasonable' doubt. This one's not going to be quick." Jack sighed. "More waiting �" Jamie patted his arm. "It'll be over soon, Jack." "Not soon enough." He got up and got a refill on his coffee, wishing it were scotch instead. When there was no news by 5 o'clock, they called it a day. Jamie promised to call Jack the minute there was any word so he didn't have to come to the courthouse first thing in the morning. As Lennie drove back to Jack's apartment, the car was strangely silent. He could almost feel the tension radiating from his passenger. When they got there, he parked the car and followed Jack up. The attorney immediately went back to his bedroom to get out of the suit. Lennie thought about following him, maybe seducing him to help him relax, but somehow got the feeling now wasn't the time. Instead he took of his jacket and tie, flopped down on the couch, and turned on the TV. He was flipping through the channels when Jack returned, wearing jeans and a polo shirt. Jack ignored Lennie and went straight to the bottle of scotch tucked into a bookshelf. He quickly downed a double, then poured another before closing the bottle and throwing himself into his recliner. Lennie frowned. Part of him wished he could allow himself to get lost in the alcohol again, but he knew that was a BAD idea. He wondered why Jack hadn't come to sit beside him. Lennie shut off the TV and stared at his friend. "Jack? What's wrong?" Jack looked at him as if he had forgotten Lennie was there. "Nothing." Lennie scowled at him. "Bullshit." It came out rather more abruptly than he had intended. Jack just shook his head. "I just don't like waiting." "It's more than that." "No, it's not." Lennie sighed. "OK, then, why don't we do something to take your mind off the waiting? Want to go over to the pub, shoot a few games and get some dinner?" Jack took a long drink of the scotch. He didn�t feel like going out, and he definitely didn't feel like eating dinner. What he really wanted was to drink his dinner � He shook his head. "Nah." Lennie tried again. "Movie, then?" This time Jack just shook his head. Lennie sighed. "You're just going to sit there and drink yourself into oblivion?" Jack had just raised the glass to his lips. He stared at Lennie over the rim. "You got a problem with that?" "Yeah, I got a problem with that!" Jack suddenly realized what Lennie was talking about. "Hey, just because you can't handle the stuff doesn't mean I can't," he snapped. "Jack!" Lennie couldn't believe he had said that. "Hey, nobody's keeping you hostage here. If you don't want to stick around, you don't have to." "I thought you'd want the company." "Well, I don't." "Fine! I guess I'll leave!" Lennie grabbed his jacket and stormed out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Half an hour later Lennie pulled into the alley behind his apartment. // Christ, it's hot tonight. // He trudged up the stairs and let himself in. The A/C was fighting a losing battle against the August heat. He quickly changed into something cooler, then rummaged in the fridge for a cold soda. As he wandered back into the living room, he noticed the light on his answering machine blinking. Wondering who had called, he pressed the 'play' button. "Lennie? It's Damian. We've all been following the case in the papers. I just wanted to see how you and Jack are holding up. Why don't you two come over to the Palace some evening? I'd love to see you. Hang in there, my friend." Lennie smiled. He could hear the concern in Damian's voice, and suddenly realized that his friend was exactly what HE needed tonight. Jack could have his booze; Lennie didn't need it. He quickly downed the rest of the soda, then headed over to the bar. Damian's face lit up when he saw the detective walk through the door. "Lennie!" he called out as he crossed the room to greet his friend. There weren't many people there yet, it was still too early. Lennie smiled and gave himself over to Damian's embrace. They held tightly for just a bit too long, before parting but still holding on to each other. "Hey, Damian." Jade looked at him critically. There was a lot of tension just below the surface. And something missing � he decided to see if Lennie brought it up. They went to a booth in the back of the bar. "How goes the trial?" "Today was the worst, Damian. Listening to that punk lie on the stand � he accused me of provoking him into attacking me, to set him up." Lennie shook his head. Damian reached across the table and took his hands. "You know that's not true, Lennie." "I know, but will the jury believe it? All they need to acquit is reasonable doubt." "I just saw on the news that the jury has gone into deliberations. One way or another, this should be over tomorrow." Lennie sighed. "I sure as hell hope so." Damian squeezed his hands. "You haven't thought about anything else lately, have you?" Lennie shook his head. "Well, it's time you did. Have you eaten yet? There�s a great little place a couple of blocks from here." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After Lennie left, Jack knocked back another glass of scotch in silence. He felt like he was going to explode. Listening all day to the bastard who had raped him lie on the stand had really gotten to him. And the stares as he and Lennie sat together in the courtroom. And the press � oh, he was really sick to death of the press. More than anything, he wanted this to be over, wanted his life to get back to something resembling normal. But before it could, he had to wait for the damned jury. Waiting. How many hours over the years had he spent waiting for juries to decide whether he�d done his job or not? It seemed so strange to be waiting when he hadn�t been the one making the closing arguments. He decided he really didn�t like it on this side of the fence. He was still sitting there lost in his thoughts when a knock at the door startled him out of his reverie. Irritated, he wondered if Lennie was back with his AA �holier than thou� attitude. He wasn�t in the mood for it tonight. Glancing out the peep hole, he was surprised to see Adam Schiff standing there. He hurriedly opened the door. �Adam! What are you doing here?� The older man looked at him critically. �You going to let me in?� �Oh! Of course �� Jack stood aside, letting Adam enter. Adam looked around, expecting to see Briscoe, and was rather surprised when he realized they were alone. The cop had been a fixture at Jack's side since the trial began. As Adam took a seat, Jack went straight to the scotch. "Drink?" At Schiff's nod, he got out a second glass and poured, also topping off his own. Handing the glass to his friend, he asked "So what brings you over here?" "What do you think? I heard it was pretty rough in there today." Jack shrugged. "We knew it would be." "Knowing and experiencing are two entirely different things. How are you holding up?" Jack scowled. "I'm fine," he grumbled. Schiff raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that crap, Jack." He eyed Jack's drink suspiciously. "How many of those have you had tonight?" That snapped the cord holding Jack together. "Not you too! For God's' sake, Adam, I'm supposedly too old for kinky sex games, I can sure as hell take care of myself!" Fury burned in his eyes as he spun around and stalked over to the window. "Ah, so that's it. I wondered which piece of that scumbag's lies had gotten under your skin." Jack turned around again, staring at him. "How did you know �?" "Jamie said you were strung tighter than a piano wire when you left the courthouse." "Doesn't anybody around here mind their own business anymore?" Jack knocked back his drink and headed for a refill. Adam got up and stopped him, grabbing his wrist just as he reached for the bottle. Something Jack had said clicked into place. "Where's Briscoe? I thought he'd be here. Did he object to your drinking too?" Angrily, Jack pulled his arm away, but didn't try to reach for the bottle again. "Just because he can't handle it �" Adam shook his head. "I dare say that was the excuse, but not the reason. Take a look at yourself, Jack. You were just starting to finally let someone into your life, but the first chance, you're back to pushing people away. What happened, you start to feel too close to him again? Time to run away again?" Jack stared at his long-time friend, startled to hear him speaking these words. He felt like somebody had just pulled the rug out from underneath him. He stumbled toward the couch, perching on the arm. Adam sighed and came to stand beside him, laying a hand on the stooped shoulder. "Jack, it's almost over. Don't let the pressure get to you now." McCoy shook his head. "Too late, Adam. I blew it, didn't I?" "Maybe, maybe not. I don't think Briscoe will give up so easily. He'll be back." "You're so sure?" Adam shrugged. "He's stood by you so far, Jack. That kind of loyalty is a precious gift." Jack just nodded. "I'm just not used to letting someone get that close. Yesterday, after we left the courthouse � he said he loved me. Enough to ignore the risk �" Adam suddenly remembered the other trial his friend was facing. "The virus?" Jack nodded. Adam sighed. "Have you been tested yet?" "Yeah, but they say it can take up to six months for it to show up positive." "So even though you can't be sure, he still �?" Embarrassed, Jack nodded. "We used a condom, but �" Adam couldn't suppress a slight shudder at the thought. "I don't need details, Jack." Jack had to chuckle at his friend's apparent discomfort. "What, picturing us in bed wierds you out?" Adam smiled. "I'm an old man, Jack. Set in my ways. There's only so much I can take." "I'll remind you of that one of these days!" They laughed together. "I'm guessing you drank your dinner?" Jack nodded. "Well, then, let's get some food into you, shall we?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Despite his best efforts, Lennie still seemed distracted when the waiter took their desert orders. Damian finally decided on the direct route. "I was hoping Jack would come with you next time you came over." Lennie sighed. Damian gazed at him, concerned. "Is everything all right?" Lennie shook his head. "I don�t know, Damian. We �" "Argued?" Lennie shrugged. "Kinda." "About?" "Booze." "Ah. He chose the company of a bottle over you tonight?" Lennie nodded. "And that bothers you because you can't join him?" "No! It bothers me because I can see he's using it as a crutch. Like I used to �" Damian nodded. "So why was he drinking?" "I don't really know. I mean, today was hell in that courtroom. But it's almost over. We've been so close through this whole thing. Why would he reach for the scotch today?" Damian studied Lennie closely for a few moments. The tension he'd noticed earlier was still there. "Lennie, I really don't know Jack, but from what you've told me he's a classic type 'A' personality. They thrive on stressful situations, but everybody has a breaking point. It sounds like today was his. Hurtful things were said in that courtroom, and even though he knows they're not true, they still hurt. And to top it off, he's not used to close relationships. He probably feels you're crowding him again, even though he's convinced himself he wants this relationship. He needs some time to himself, and since he knows you can't handle alcohol, that was a good way to push you away for a bit. He probably doesn't even realize that's what he was doing." "So what do I do? Give him space? For how long?" Damian smiled. "Look, you're both at the ends of your ropes. When you walked in tonight I could feel the tension. He's already probably regretting pushing you away. Don't let this fester overnight. Go to him, clear the air. But be willing to give him the space he needs." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack stood in front of the window, staring out into the night. He had felt much better after Adam got some dinner into him. Spending time with his old friend had somehow eased the tension that had been eating him up earlier. But after Adam left, he had tried to call Lennie, to apologize, and gotten the answering machine. He couldn't help but wonder where Lennie was, who he was with. // He's with Damian Jade. // He tried not to jump to the conclusion, but he couldn't help it, and it made his heart feel heavy. But on the hope that Lennie would call or show up, he forced himself to stay away from the scotch. He knew he really had had more than enough today, anyhow. So instead, he paced in front of the window. Finally, there was another knock at the door. Jack's hand trembled as he opened it. Lennie stood there, uncertain. "Hi. Can I come in?" "Sure." They stood there, not sure where to start. Lennie found his voice first. "Jack, I'm sorry about earlier �" "No, Lennie, it was my fault �" They stopped and looked at each other. Jack reached out and took Lennie's hand, drawing him toward the couch. "Adam came by earlier. He made me realize I was doing it again, Lennie. Pushing you away because you got too close. After yesterday � when you said � that you love me � I guess I got scared." Lennie hadn't even thought about that. "I did, didn't I? I'm sorry if I'm pushing too fast �" Jack shook his head. "No, Lennie, you're not. Yesterday I needed to hear that. I guess with everything else today, the stress just got to me. I really don't like being on this side of the courtroom!" Lennie smiled softly. "Yeah, we've both been through the wringer on this one. I still shouldn't have been so hard on you about the drink �" "No, you were right. Adam beat me up about it too � also made me eat some dinner." Lennie chuckled. "Good." His laughter brought a tentative smile to Jack's face. "So � are we ok, then?" "Yeah, we're ok." Lennie's arm slipped around Jack's shoulders and pulled him close. They held tight for a while before Lennie let him go to lean in for a kiss. He was surprised to feel a bit of reluctance from Jack. "Jack? ARE we ok?" Jack let go and sighed. He had tried, really tried, to push this aside, but it just wasn't working. He got up and wandered back over to stare out the window. "It's nothing, really. It's stupid. Just � when Adam left I tried to call you, to apologize, and you weren't home. I � I was afraid you were with Damian." Lennie sighed as he got up and came over to Jack. "I was." Jack spun around, horror in his eyes. "Lennie �?!" Lennie reached out and gently captured his face. "Listen to me, Jack. Once and for all. Damian is my friend. Nothing more. I spent the evening talking with a friend, trying to sort out what we're going through. Same as you. Just because Damian's gay, that doesn't mean we're going to jump in the sack at every opportunity. Or ever. He knows my heart is already taken. OK?" Jack looked into Lennie's eyes and felt like a real jerk. He looked away. "I'm sorry �" Lennie sighed again as he let go of Jack's face and pulled him into a tight embrace. "It's OK, Jack. Just don't let it happen again, all right?" Jack wrapped his arms around Lennie's waist and held on tight. "I promise, Lennie." After a while, Lennie let go enough to lift Jack's face for a kiss. He ran his fingers through the thick silver hair. "It's been a long day, Jack. What say we call it a night?" With a sigh, Jack agreed. They locked up and shut out the lights. Back in the bedroom, Jack stripped off his clothes and crawled under the covers, not waiting for Lennie. Lennie took the hint and shed his own clothes, then got into the bed and spooned in behind Jack. He wrapped one arm over his bedmate and leaned in to gently kiss his neck. "Night, Jack," he whispered softly as he felt the body beneath his arm finally relaxing. Continue on to Chapter 35 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 34 |