Blurred Vision by Leigh Alexander leigh_xf@geocities.com First posted: February 24, 1996 RATING: PG CATEGORY: SRA SPOILERS: None KEYWORDS: Scully/other romance SUMMARY: Scully's got a man, Mulder's jealous. With a twist. ;) DISCLAIMERS: 1) Dana and Fox belong to Chris and Ten Thirteen Productions and the other Fox. Absolutely *no* copyright infringement is intended - I'm not doing this for money, I'm doing it for love. I *love* these characters, I wouldn't want to hurt them! :) 2) OK to archive, but if it's going anywhere other than Gossamer, please drop me a line just so I can keep track. 3) Feel free to distribute and discuss this, as long as my name and addy remain attached. ----------------------------------------------------------- Blurred Vision ----------------------------------------------------------- Scully felt her eyes becoming strained. She had been reading these eye-witness reports for nearly two hours now, and she could feel her body starting to rebel against the task. She lifted her head, pulling her glasses off at the same time and examining them closely: she sincerely hoped that her sore eyes were simply a sign of fatigue, rather than an indication that her eyesight was degenerating, or that she required a new prescription. If this keeps up, she thought to herself grimly, I'll be wearing Coke bottles instead of lenses in ten years time. She smiled at the thought... What she needed was a five minute break. She placed her glasses down on her desk, and let her eyes wander around the office: looking at it as though for the first time, sometimes resting her gaze fixedly on one object, sometimes allowing her eyes to meander from one spot in the room to another. She regarded Mulder's "I want to believe" poster with a detachment that belied the genuine affection she felt for it. To her, that poster embodied everything that the X-files had come to stand for; whilst her and Mulder's beliefs were so divergent, it was the faith that each of them shared that she appreciated, respected and had come to depend upon. Her eyes finally came to a stop, the object in view motionless and silent: Mulder. She had almost forgotten he was in the room... No, that wasn't quite true. She knew very well that he was in the office with her, pouring over the details of the case, like her... it was just that his presence was so familiar, so comfortable and unobtrusive that she hadn't even had to question the knowledge that he was there. In some ways he was her constant companion. Not literally - they had to spend time apart or they would drive each other insane - but certainly metaphorically. Wherever she was, whatever she was doing, his name would always be somewhere in her consciousness. She couldn't help it: he was as much a part of her and her life as her own family. Her eyes continued to examine him pensively, as her mind began to ruminate on their partnership. In fact, she wasn't really *looking* at Mulder; she was really just absorbing the moment, reflecting on the comfortable silence that enveloped the two of them as they each went about their work. It was something that she didn't often think about - yet another thing that she just took for granted when it came to her and Mulder - rarely choosing to analyse their partnership with the same intensity with which she analysed the scientific data of the cases they worked on. But it was an aspect of their partnership that pleased her immensely... she cherished it; the closeness that came with the territory of constant companionship and complete trust. It was something that she had shared with few people in her life, and now, with Mulder, it seemed the most natural state in the world. At that moment, he looked up from his work - in time to catch her staring at him. For some reason she felt suddenly flustered, as though she had been caught staring at a kissing couple, and she quickly grabbed her half-empty coffee cup holding it aloft while simultaneously pushing back from her desk and asking, "I'm just going to get some coffee... do you want some?" He shook his head and cast a bemused glance at her retreating back as she left the office. If he had had time, he probably would have stopped to ponder the brief discomfort she had shown - but he didn't: he had work to do. He returned his attention to the photos splayed out in front of him. The only sound to be heard in the office was the soft tap of heels as Scully headed towards the elevator. He was so absorbed in his close examination of the photographs that he didn't notice the person that entered the office ten minutes later. It wasn't until he heard a slight shuffling noise that he realised that Scully must have returned. The silence was then broken by a nervous cough, and somewhere in the part of his brain that was still observing outside phenomena, whilst the rest of the organ was occupied with the photos, he realised that it wasn't Scully who had just entered the room. Slowly he pulled his thoughts, and his eyes, away from his work and looked up at the tall, good- looking man who was standing just inside the doorway. Mulder, never one for formalities, didn't hide his impatience: "Yes - what do you want?" The man was taken aback: the generous grin that had been plastered on his face, was quickly replaced by a look of surprise, and then unease. He stepped forward hesitantly and said, "Um, yeah - I'm looking for Dana... is she here?" Now it was Mulder's turn to be surprised, although he hid the emotion much more successfully than the stranger had done: "No, Scully's not here at the moment." Then, reluctantly acquiescing to the requirements of politeness, he added, "She's just gone to get some coffee... she won't be long." The man nodded. Sensing that the FBI agent's initial hostility was lessening, he persevered, "So... you must be Mulder." Mulder nodded, casting a suddenly-wary eye over the man. He was instantly suspicious of any stranger who knew who he was; it was a reflex action for him, one that he had learned from his time working for the government, and more particularly, since starting his work on the X-Files. However, looking over at the man, he decided that he was harmless... presumably just a friend of Scully's... "I'm Chris.... Chris Roberts..." By his tone of voice, Mulder gathered that this name was supposed to mean something to him - which it didn't. Seeing Mulder's blank expression reinstated the feelings of unease Chris had been having ever since entering the office. Nevertheless, he continued with the banal conversation, in an attempt to break the ice, and win Mulder over, "I've heard a lot about you... Dana talks about you all the time." No reaction. "So, I suppose I just assumed that she would have told you about me..." His voice petered out, those last words seemed to be having some sort of affect on the stony-faced expression of the man opposite him... Mulder was starting to get an inkling of what the man was saying to him. But it wasn't until Chris spoke the next words that he finally understood. "You see - Dana obviously hasn't told you this - she and I... well, we've been seeing each other for a little while... I suppose she just hadn't gotten around to telling you yet..." This time he couldn't completely conceal his surprise. Scully had a boyfriend? He felt hurt, left out and - he had to admit it to himself - just a bit jealous. Whilst his thoughts had never really dwelt on the possibility of a romantic relationship between himself and his partner, the idea had always been present, somewhere in the deep recesses of his subconscious mind. Occasionally, a thought would emerge for just an instant, before being quickly pushed to the back of his mind: maybe... one day... after the X-files... He deliberately left the thought unfinished, as he had always done, and reasserted control over his facial expressions. He let his face show nothing but mild curiosity, whilst his lips formed the words, "Oh, really?" in the most carefree, and unconcerned of voices. Chris, feeling that he had gained some sort of approval from the man who obviously meant so much to Dana, smiled widely. He didn't think to examine Mulder's eyes - as Scully would have done - if he had done so, he would have realised the absurdity of his relief. It was only Mulder's eyes that expressed his true feelings at the news... It was at that moment that Scully entered the room. At first she didn't notice Chris - he had moved off to one side, and stood partly in shadow - as her eyes were fixed on Mulder: "Hey, Mulder, I bumped into that friend of yours - Burnley. He said to say hi, and he wanted to know-" It was then that she turned towards her desk, and saw Chris. The rest of the sentence was forgotten as she slowly placed her cup down on her desk. "Chris... what are you doing here?" She tempered the abruptness of her words with a weak smile, and shot a quick, nervous glance at her partner, whose expression remained placid and unreadable. "I just thought I'd surprise you.... see if you wanted to go to lunch." Seeing her hesitate, he quickly added, "That is, of course, if you have time." Scully appeared flustered, not quite knowing what to say - her tongue darted out and licked her lips in a sign of discomfort; "Um... I'm not really sure... I've - we've got a lot of work to do... I should really stay..." Mulder, who had been listening to every word with the most benign expression on his face, interjected, "You *are* entitled to a lunch break, Scully." "But Mulder-" He waved away her protestations with a sweeping gesture of his arm, "Look, we've been reading these reports for hours now - they're not going to go away just because you take a break!" It still didn't feel right to her - and she couldn't understand why Mulder was being so insistent, but she knew there was no arguing with him when he was in that mood, so she simply nodded her head, picked up her bag, and then started to follow Chris towards the door. However, before they left the room, she suddenly stopped. She whispered to Chris that she'd meet him at the car, and turned around to face Mulder. Once she was sure that Chris was out of earshot she started to speak. "Mulder... I feel a bit uncomfortable about all this..." She hesitated, not quite knowing how to continue, "I was going to tell you - about Chris and me... it was just never the right--" He cut her off, "Scully, you don't have to explain anything to me. What you do in your private time is none of my business." She looked at him uncertainly, not sure if she should pursue the point or not. She suddenly felt so uncomfortable with him... they didn't often talk about things like this, and it felt strange to her, and to him too, she was sure. But it didn't feel right to leave things up in the air like that. She had an incomprehensible desire to reassure him... reassure him of what? She didn't know... "Look, Mulder, I feel bad... With everything that's happened to us over the past few years, I don't think it's right to say that we're just partners... You're a friend Mulder, a good friend, and I should have told you, rather than letting you find out this way." She hoped she didn't sound like a fool, but it was suddenly important to her that he realise that the last thing she would want to do was hurt him... She lifted her head and fixed her gaze on his, then said with meaning, "Mulder, I'm sorry." He nodded, and replied, "It's OK, Scully," realising that she needed his assurance. She smiled in acknowledgment, and then quickly left the room. Once her footsteps had faded out of earshot, Mulder allowed himself to relax; realising, as he sank down onto his desk, that every muscle had been tense throughout their conversation. Attempting to suppress the play of emotions that had constantly threatened to disrupt the smooth demeanour his face had managed to maintain. He told himself that the reason he had suddenly felt so strange was simply because of the unexpectedness of the news - Scully had a boyfriend... Dana Scully and Chris Roberts were "an item"... his partner and long-time confidant had suddenly turned her back on him and met someone else - no... he had to steer his mind away from those dangerous thoughts. He looked around behind him, and saw the photos that he had been examining so carefully lying innocuously on his desk, exactly as he had left them. He picked up the top one - it was the photo that he was sure held the clue to solving the case they were working on - if only he could see the shadowy figure in the top right-hand corner a bit more clearly... It needed to be analysed. He would go to the photo lab and have it enlarged... that would keep his mind from straying to thoughts of his partner and her... friend. He grabbed his coat, and car keys, remembering just in time that the guys at the photo lab had had to be temporarily relocated in a building ten minutes from the J. Edgar Hoover Building, while the lab was being upgraded, and set off. His mind now firmly fixed on the task at hand, as he headed to the parking garage. As he stepped out of the elevator, he heard a giggle echoing through the garage. Somehow he knew it was Scully - even though he had never heard her giggle... in fact the mere thought of his partner - sane, sceptical Dana Scully - actually giggling almost brought a smile to his face. Then he saw them - and stopped dead in his tracks. If he had chosen to analyse his actions, he probably would have admitted that deep down, he had guessed that in heading to his car only a few minutes after the pair had left his office, he wouldn't be able to avoid seeing them. But he didn't let his analytical mind take over... his emotions had complete control of him. They were standing by what he assumed was Chris's car... his arms were firmly clasped around Scully's back, while hers rested on the arms which enveloped her. She was smiling; a wide, open smile that Mulder had only seen on a few rare occasions (he closed his eyes suddenly, as the memory of her grinning at him as he awoke from the retro-virus-induced coma, assailed him... along with other, momentary snapshots of the Scully smile that he had come to treasure, due in part to its rarity...). And then, as he stood there, fixated, unable to tear his eyes away from the pair, Chris leaned down and kissed her. It was a long, deep and passionate kiss... and Mulder felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him - he couldn't breathe, and his head was throbbing... Watching Scully kiss another man suddenly, inexplicably, raised feelings in him that he had not experienced for a long time: longing, desire, need, envy, regret... that was just the mere tip of tumultuous emotions that were coursing through his body. But what dominated, the feeling that he knew would stay with him for a long time to come, was a deep, aching melancholy. If a stranger had walked by at that moment, they would have been struck by the look on his face. Mulder was no longer hiding his feelings, as he had been doing in front of Chris and Scully: they were on full display on his face... to the casual passer-by, he would have looked like a distraught little boy who had just lost his one and only cherished teddy bear... Eventually, the two parted... and drove off. And Mulder was left standing there, looking at the departing tail lights as though they would provide some sort of answer, to an unasked question. ******************** Chris set his glass down on the table and allowed his gaze to linger on the woman seated opposite him. At the moment she was absorbed in the task at hand - trying to eat a spinach- leaf salad with as much grace and decorum as possible... and managing quite well, he thought, smiling to himself. At that moment she looked up, and caught the remnants of a smile on his lips. She smiled in return and lifted her eyebrow questioningly, "What are you staring at?" She asked him teasingly. "You," he replied, suddenly serious. Her smile widened, and she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. The pleasure she gained from such a simple act still managed to surprise her... It had been such a long time since she had been this close to someone - in a physical sense, that is; she didn't need to remind herself that emotionally Mulder had always been there for her - and she suddenly felt like a school girl, out with her first boyfriend. As if he had somehow detected the path of her thoughts, Chris suddenly fixed his eyes on her and asked, "So, what is it with you and Mulder?" Scully looked at him perplexedly, frowning slightly at the question, "What do you mean?" "I mean that I go in there today and introduce myself, expecting that he may have heard *something* about me... if the amount you've told me about him is anything to go by - and he looks at me blankly-" Scully opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off with a wave of his hand, "Let me finish - and then when I tell him about you and me the man looks as if he's about to keel over... So, I ask again - what is it with you and your partner, Agent Scully?" His harsh sounding words were softened by the mischievous grin that graced his features. His smile was infectious, and she returned it with her own distinctive, secretive smile. She then became serious as she answered his question, "Well, he was probably surprised: I'm sure the last thing he was expecting to hear was that you and I were.... well... together..." "Dana, there was more than surprise on his face when I told him..." She didn't respond, so he continued, "Look, I'm not trying to pry, or anything, and believe me, I'm comfortable enough with what we have that I'm certainly not entertaining any thoughts of jealousy... I suppose I'm just curious. I can't believe that after working for nearly three years together that nothing's ever... happened... between the two of you." Scully sighed. She was used to the questions - everyone always wanted to know the same thing: . She started to give the standard "he's my partner" response, then decided to elaborate... "Chris, Mulder and I are partners. Just because we're of the opposite sex doesn't mean that we're automatically going to jump into bed together..." She looked up at him, and continued, "I know that it's hard for other people to understand - they mistake the closeness that we share for... well, for love, I suppose... but the thing is, as partners we naturally become close. We have to always be there for each other; we have to respect, trust and understand each other. Otherwise we wouldn't be a team." She hesitated, gathering her thoughts together as she spoke, "I've always thought there needs to be some kind of special word for the relationship law-enforcement partners have: it's more than friendship, because you don't constantly have to rely on your friends to save your life; it's not quite love - that would signify that there was a sexual relationship of some sort; it's a bond, a special bond that is - in my opinion - stronger than the bond between families, or lovers, or friends. You become dependant on the other person, you're two halves of the one whole... you can't imagine your life without them-" She stopped abruptly, suddenly regretting the looseness of her tongue - she had allowed herself to speak thoughts that had always remained unspoken, and unanalysed. For a moment she was loathe to lift her eyes to Chris's face, fearful of his reaction to her... outburst. She started playing with her serviette, staring at it intently, waiting for him to speak. The silence became deafening to her, and she filled it with her soft voice, "I suppose I could understand that some people might find that sort of thing hard to comprehend. They might feel they have to compete in some way, they might decide that it wasn't worth the effort..." "Dana..." His voice was gentle, in an attempt to allay her doubts. "Dana, I understand..." She finally lifted her head and saw him looking at her with a soft smile on his lips, although she could tell from his eyes that he was struggling with her words. But she didn't want to think about that now, and took his words at face value, returning his smile with a tender one of her own, and running her finger slowly along the back of his hand. They sat in silence for sometime, until Scully noticed the clock on the wall and realised with regret that she would have to leave. The short drive back to the J. Edgar Hoover Building was uneventful: each of them lost in their own thoughts. Occasionally one of them would make a casual remark of some sort, which the other would reply to - but they made no further attempt to enter into any meaningful conversation, and they quickly lapsed into silence. Scully was uneasily reflecting on what she had said over lunch. She wondered what Chris had really made of the thoughts that had come flowing out of her mouth... the words tumbled around in her head. She had no idea where all that had come from: it was certainly not something she had ever consciously thought about... she chided herself for her foolishness - of course she could live without Mulder, it wasn't like they were joined at the hip or anything. But, deep down, she knew she was just fooling herself... the thoughts that had poured out at lunch had always been there, always been felt by her... just never spoken aloud before. As he pulled up outside the building, Chris turned to her and quickly said, "So, are we still going to see that film tomorrow night?" Scully smiled, foolishly relieved that he hadn't decided to drop her like a hot potato, and nodded quickly, giving him a rapid peck on the cheek before leaving the car. Once the car moved away from the curb, she spun around and headed hurriedly into the building, conscious of having taken an extra ten minutes for lunch. Not that she wasn't entitled to it: it was probably the first time in months that she had actually ventured further than the FBI cafeteria for her midday meal, but she also knew that her and Mulder's work was a case apart. There were only two of them working on the X- files, often doing work that would normally require four agents, and she didn't want Mulder to think that she had suddenly abandoned their unspoken, yet agreed-upon, work ethic of not stopping until the case was solved. She realised that she was going to have to once again prove herself to Mulder - as she had had to do many times in the past. He now knew better than to question her physical and intellectual ability, not that he had ever really questioned that, not once he had gotten to know her. But this was different: for once she had an outside interest, something that many people might find occupied their mind while at work, and she was determined not to let this happen. Tomorrow night, when she saw Chris again, she was going to have to lay down the law: no more unexpected lunchtime visits, no phone calls at work, in short she wasn't going to allow this relationship to affect her work in any way... She was now at the door to their office. She paused before entering, taking a moment to gather her thoughts and compose herself, then she grabbed the door knob and entered the room decisively. And there was Mulder: fingers linked behind his head, feet crossed and precariously balanced on an open filing cabinet drawer and... lost in thought. The irony of the moment struck her, and she couldn't suppress the smile which crept to her lips. "So, Mulder, pretty snowed under, I see?" she goaded, teasingly. He whipped around - he had been so deeply engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't heard her enter the room. He quickly lowered his hands and feet, and swivelled his chair around so it faced the desk, giving him the instantaneous impression of being hard at work. He tried to hide an embarrassed smile, failing dismally and replied with typical light heartedness, "As a matter of fact, yes... so I was just taking a few minutes to contemplate all the facets of the case... using my little grey cells, as Poirot would say..." She shook her head, refusing to be drawn into the banterous exchange any longer, and moved over to her desk. Once settled she picked up the reports and slid her glasses on: becoming almost immediately fascinated by the comments on the page in front of her. Mulder contemplated his partner for a moment, tossing up whether to ask how her lunch had been. Then, just as the words were on the tip of his tongue, he had second thoughts... she was right in not bringing such discussions into the work place... it would only make their lives a lot more complicated. He sighed and returned to his scrutiny of the now-enlarged - although still unclear - photo. *************************** It was almost six-thirty and they were both still in the office, discussing the case. Finally Mulder stretched, looked at his watch, and suggested that they finish up for the night: "I don't think we're going to get any further on this tonight. Once we get those lab reports back tomorrow we may be able to figure out why those people are acting in that way... but until then we're not going to make any progress. Let's call it a night." Scully nodded in agreement, glad that it had been Mulder, and not her who had finally suggested that they go home - she didn't want him to think that she couldn't handle the pace any more. They walked in comfortable silence to the parking garage. Mulder's thoughts turned unwittingly to the man who had graced the office doorway that morning... he was tempted to ask Scully about him, but then thought better of it, not wanting to break the companionable stillness that enveloped him and Scully. They arrived at Scully's car and Mulder - the eternal gentleman - waited politely as she threw her bag inside and settled herself in. She waved at him from inside the car, and he started to head off as she lowered her hand and started the ignition. Nothing happened. Mulder turned back, a look of puzzlement on his face. Scully was frowning, and she turned the key again. Nothing. The engine was dead. She hit her hand on the steering wheel in frustration, and then, seeing that Mulder was still there, hovering a few feet from the car, she wound her window down and looked at him pleadingly, "Mulder, do you think you could give me a lift home? I can't be bothered calling AAA out here tonight - I'll get them to come and look at it tomorrow." Without even waiting for his response - she knew that Mulder would always be there for her at times like this - Scully reached behind her and grabbed her bag. A few minutes later they were in Mulder's car, heading out of the garage... and straight into Friday night traffic. Looking at the sea of cars in front of him, Mulder realised that it was going to be a long drive home. He turned to Scully, who had, not surprisingly, immediately come to the same conclusion and was staring in frustration at the stationary traffic ahead of them. Mulder decided to break the silence that had descended on them with the questions he had been wanting to ask all afternoon. "So, Scully... did you have a nice lunch?" "Yes, thanks." This wasn't going to be easy. Despite his partner's obvious reluctance to talk about the matter, Mulder was determined to find out more. He didn't know why the need was so desperate... if it was just pure curiosity, paranoia, or something more, but he needed more information. Looking over at the tight-lipped expression Scully had assumed in response to his question, Mulder realised that it was probably going to take him as long as it took to drive her home to extract any meaningful information from her... He'd have to go about this gently. "So, where'd you two go?" He kept his voice breezy and unconcerned, hoping that she would be fooled into thinking he was just trying to make banal conversation. Scully looked at him suspiciously: his face was a smooth mask, hiding his emotions as effectively as a real mask would have done. She questioned his motives, but then decided that she couldn't be bothered playing games with him, "The Deli." "Never heard of it. Good?" "Yeah, it was OK." Silence, again. The traffic inched along and Mulder crept tortuously towards the turn-off. He had so many questions buzzing around in his head that he didn't know where to start... didn't know which ones she would perceive as the least threatening... "So... how long have you been seeing him for?" She sighed. It had started... the long list of questions. She knew she was being unfair to Mulder in begrudging him the desire to know these things, but she couldn't help but feel annoyed at his persistence. She had hoped desperately that things between the two of them would be able to continue exactly as they had been before, but she hadn't counted on Mulder's possessive streak. Maybe that was being a bit harsh - he would probably have labelled it a "protective" streak. It was something that had always been present in her relationship with Mulder; she didn't know how much it had to do with her being a woman - a lot probably, although she was certain that Mulder would adamantly deny that. Sometimes she wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that she was almost the same age as his sister would have been, if she were around. Scully could see that the need to be someone's big brother was something he desperately desired, and she had sometimes wondered if her presence had filled that hole for him, in a small way. But her reluctance in the face of his questions also stemmed from her worries about letting this relationship infringe somehow on her working environment. She didn't want to be treated any differently by Mulder - she wanted the same professionalism that had permeated their time together to continue, regardless of what was happening in her personal life. He looked at her expectantly. She could sense the intensity of his gaze, even though she wasn't looking at him directly. She decided that she had to confront this issue. "Mulder... I don't know if we should really talk about this... I don't feel that my personal life should become the focus of our working relationship." To her surprise, he laughed. She turned her head towards him and glared into his smiling face, "What's so funny Mulder?" "You are, Scully." At that she pressed her lips together and fixed her eyes on the cars in front, not wanting to show him the hurt in her eyes. He hadn't meant to offend her, so he tried to make amends, "I'm sorry - I didn't mean that the way it sounded... It's just... Scully - do you *have* to analyse everything to death?" She didn't respond, so he continued, "I mean, I was just asking you - as a friend - a straight-forward question about your life... it wasn't a subversive attempt on my part to destroy our working relationship!" She still didn't reply, although her hostile expression had started to soften. He added, "In any case, it's seven o'clock, we left the office half-an-hour ago, and we're now on the way home... I really don't think that this could be counted as us being "on the job", Scully." At that she smiled, despite herself. "All right," she admitted, reluctantly, "Maybe I was being just a bit too analytical. This conversation probably doesn't need to have the same amount of scrutiny as I would give a conversation with any other government agent... satisfied?" "Not until you give me all the dirt on this guy." She laughed, suddenly feeling completely at ease, and angry at herself for reading too much into things. "Well, don't worry, Mulder, there's not all that much dirt to give. He's just a nice guy who lives in my building, who I've been seeing a little of lately - that's all." "He lives in your building?" She nodded, her eyes still fixed on the road ahead. "So that's how you met him?" She sighed again - God he was persistent! She should have known that he would pursue this conversation with the familiar doggedness with which he pursued his work. "Yeah". She didn't elaborate - there were some things she wanted to keep private. Like the way he had looked at her that day, after they had embarrassingly crashed into each other - neither of them looking where they were going, or the immediate feeling of connection she had felt during that, their first conversation... There were some things that Mulder didn't need to know. Mulder couldn't resist stealing a glance at his partner, his curiosity aroused by her pensive silence. And even though the pace of the traffic had now picked up, and the car was moving at a steady 35 miles an hour, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her face. Her expression conveyed her feelings a million times more accurately than any words would have done. Her face was soft, her eyes tender, as she reflected on what Mulder realised with a pang were obviously moments of great pleasure... He had never seen her look like that before. If he hadn't known better, he would have labelled it the look of a love-struck teenager, but somehow those words just didn't quite fit into his knowledge of Dana Scully. That she could be in love, yes - he was prepared to admit that - but this... this was more like infatuation. A school-girl infatuation. Or at least that's what it looked like to him. "Mulder!" He quickly reverted his eyes to the road, and slammed on his brakes just in time - narrowly avoiding crashing into the car in front. "Sorry..." he muttered, suddenly unable to even glance in her direction, as though this would in some way atone for the deepness of his gaze just two seconds earlier. She didn't reply, pursing her lips in irritation. For the next twenty minutes - the time it took for Mulder to drive to Scully's place - they were silent. Whilst silence was not a stranger to the pair, it had rarely been this uncomfortable. Scully sensed that she had unwittingly sent out some sort of signal to Mulder that hadn't pleased him. His displeasure was obvious, and she regretted the unknown action. Mulder pulled up outside her building, and she quickly left the car - wanting the day, with all its moments of discomfort, to be far behind her. "So I'll see you Monday?" Mulder's voice was distant and cold. "Yep. See you at work." She replied briefly. As soon as she had shut the car door, Mulder pulled out from the curb and sped off - obviously as eager as her to forget the day and all its absurdities. She sighed, not moving until the car was well out of view. Once it had rounded the corner, she slowly turned around and headed into her building. ******************** The buzz of her alarm clock woke her with a start. Scully sat up in bed with a gasp, then, realising the cause of the strange noise that had invaded her dreams in the form of a giant bee, smiled to herself as she slapped the noise off with an accustomed gesture. Scully looked over at the sleeping body next to her. Chris remained undisturbed by the alarm - his ability to sleep through such things never ceased to amaze her, especially considering that she, herself, would awaken at the sound of a pin dropping - it was probably something she had picked up since working with Mulder. With the X-Files, they needed to be constantly on their toes, ready to act on a moment's notice - she couldn't afford to be a heavy sleeper when Mulder was around. She looked at the clock: it was 7am - time to get up, for both of them... "Chris..." She whispered his name softly into his ear, gently sliding her fingers up along his naked back. "Chris, it's seven o'clock... you have to get up..." Her hand journeyed further up his body, her fingers intertwining in his hair. "Mm..hmmm.. gimme a few more minutes..." His voice was muffled by the pillow, and she couldn't wipe the smile from her face - he sounded just like a little boy... She leaned down and brushed her lips softly against his cheek, causing his lips to lift in a sleepy smile. "OK... I'm just going to take a shower - and when I get out, you'll be up, won't you?" "Sure, 'mom'." He opened an eye lazily, and broadened his smile. She grinned back at him, and then scrambled out of bed, heading for the shower. He waited until he heard the sound of running water before getting up. The smile that had been teasing his lips was replaced by a stony look, as he set about the task that he had been employed to do. Keeping his ear attuned for any noise emerging from the bathroom, he stealthily moved across the room to Scully's briefcase. He opened it swiftly, pulling a tiny camera out of his nearby jacket at the same time. Soundlessly, he pulled out papers, taking photos of each one, and then sliding them smoothly back into the soft briefcase. When that was done, he rapidly searched the rest of the bag, in the hope of finding other bits of information which could be used. He made a mental note of a few objects, and then moved quickly into the next room, where he passed a cursory glance over the objects on her desk - his eye finally landing on an eyes-only memo, which he quickly photographed. At that moment the water stopped, and he speedily returned to the bedroom, returning the camera to his jacket pocket, and pulling on a pair of boxer shorts. When Scully emerged from the bathroom a few moments later, Chris was nowhere to be seen. She looked around the room with a puzzled expression on her face, until she smelt the unmistakable odour of coffee wafting to her from the kitchen. She got dressed quickly, and headed into the kitchen. Chris was sitting at the table, sipping his coffee, and reading the paper. "Now, *that's* a scene of domesticity if I ever saw one!" She said jokingly. He merely smiled and continued reading the paper. She lightly ruffled his hair, as she moved past him to the kitchen. Scully hummed softly as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She felt happier than she'd felt in a long time. For some reason, all her worries, and fears seemed to vanish whenever Chris was around... Smiling secretly, she recalled the previous night's passion, and closed her eyes, cherishing the memory of his body against hers. She was completely unaware of his deception... ******************** "Something's wrong, Scully." Mulder's words broke roughly into the silence that had descended on them. They were sitting in the car, parked in the shadows of an old dockyard... waiting. "He should have been here by now." "Mulder, it's only eleven twenty... He's just running a few minutes late..." Mulder shook his head slowly, his face reflecting the unease he felt. "No, he's not going to show. Someone's warned him off..." Scully pursed her lips: there was no arguing with Mulder when he was in a mood like this. She was sure that the FBI set-up was going to go as smoothly as planned, despite the suspect's tardiness. An hour later, the small group of federal agents had emerged from their well-hidden cars - suddenly filling the previously desolate area with noise and activity. They were gathered around Mulder and Scully - the lead investigators on the case. All of them wore expressions of disappointment and frustration. One of the agents voiced their collective thoughts: "How could he have known? This was top secret... there's no way it could have gotten out that we were waiting for him here..." Mulder spoke, his words bitter and painful, "Well, someone must have told him. It must have been leaked." The gathered agents were suddenly silent, as the impact of Mulder's comments hit them. They all started eyeing each other nervously, suspiciously... Scully interjected, "Maybe something happened to him? Maybe he just couldn't make it for some reason?" Mulder shook his head and responded with meaning, "Scully, what we were offering him was too enticing... There's nothing that would have kept Ashley Moore from turning up here tonight: he was convinced he was going to get millions from this deal..." No-one spoke for a long time... It was Mulder who finally broke the silence, saying - as he started to head back to the car - "well, there'll have to be an investigation into this..." Seeing this as a signal, all the other agents returned to their cars and drove off, each of them wondering which one of them was the traitor. Scully strode quickly to catch up with Mulder, waiting until they were in the car before asking him, "Mulder, you don't really believe that one of them leaked that information do you? They're all highly respected and long-serving agents. " "Scully, I don't want to believe that, but I don't know what else to think..." ******************** The next few weeks were replete with similar incidents. Any case that Mulder and Scully were working on seemed to be dogged by leaks and betrayal. Witnesses would suddenly disappear, along with their statements; surprise busts that the pair had planned would fall through when the suspect disappeared; top secret information seemed to be finding its way to the press. In all cases, the one thing in common was that the leading investigators - often the only investigators - were Mulder and Scully. They had worked together for too long, been through too much to start doubting in the implicit trust that they placed in one another, so Mulder decided that it was someone within the Bureau, or government, who was trying to shut down the X-Files, yet again. The pair were called into Skinner's office, and he questioned them severely about the lack of security surrounding their cases. Neither of them had a response - it was obvious to them both that someone was trying to set them up, by ensuring that their work would be discredited, that they would be seen as even more of a risk to the Bureau than they were already. And yet, they had no proof of this. Skinner let them off with a warning, assuring them that if there was one more "incident", the X-Files would be shut down without question, and the two agents would be re-assigned. Mulder and Scully had taken to discussing all their cases whilst meandering casually through Washington's numerous parks, fearing that their office may be bugged. This is where they went after their meeting with Skinner, each of them troubled, although not surprised, by what he had said. "Mulder, I just don't understand what's happening... I've been over it in my mind so many times - the only thing that any of those cases have in common is us... We are the only two people that have been involved in all of those investigations, and we're the only ones that have known the information that's being leaked!" She sighed and looked at him questioningly, but he, like her, was unable to find an answer. After a thoughtful pause, Mulder replied, "What I want to know is - why are they going to so much trouble? It's as if not only do they want to shut the X-Files down, but they also have to discredit us in the process, *and* make us suspicious of each other..." She looked up at him quickly, worry in her eyes - what was that last comment supposed to mean? "Mulder, I hope you're not implying that I..." she couldn't continue the thought. He stopped abruptly and faced her, placing a hand on her arm, "Scully, of course not... You know that you're the *only* one I trust..." He looked at her intently, making sure that the meaning of his words sunk in. She nodded, returning his gaze with her own equally potent one. But she sensed that there was something else he wanted to say. They stood still for a long time as Mulder worked up the courage to finish his thought: "But Scully...I ...I, um, have to ask this... What about Chris? How do you know that he isn't involved in this?" Her eyes flashed at him angrily. "How dare you, Mulder!" He had expected that her response would be strong, but he wasn't prepared for the venom in her voice. He tried to soften his words, "Look, Scully, I'm just trying to consider all the possibilities..." "That's not good enough Mulder. I expect your trust to extend to trusting me to make my own judgements about any man I was involved with! I'm not some little school girl, Mulder - I *can* look after myself. I *don't* need you to protect me!" With that, she spun on her heel and walked rapidly away from him. It didn't take him long to catch up with her - his long legs easily compensating for the lengthening distance between them. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her body around to face him, "Scully - listen to me. It's not that I don't trust your judgement, it's just that I know, as much as anyone, just how easily it is to be deceived, no matter how much you believe in something-" She cut him off, "Well, that's the difference between you and me, Mulder." He recoiled, hurt. She pushed on, ignoring his pain, the words escaping her mouth before she could stop him, "You've been against Chris from the very start Mulder, and you'd use any excuse to turn me against him... So just drop the adolescent jealousy, and let me live my life, goddammit!" This time he didn't chase after her as she stormed off. He was fixed to the spot, unable to move, her painful words echoing in his head. The thing that hurt most though was her labelling his feelings as nothing more than "adolescent jealousy". That she couldn't see his questions for what they were: an indication of how much he cared for her, was what made his heart ache bitterly. He looked at her retreating back with longing - wanting to take back the words that had hurt her, wanting her to take back the words that had hurt him. Scully gradually slowed down, realising that Mulder wasn't going to follow her. She couldn't believe that he had had to ask her about Chris. What kind of fool did he think she was? Of course she trusted Chris. She couldn't admit it, but in her heart she knew that the reason she had reacted so strongly to Mulder's words was because that they had brushed too close to the bone... She had had her own doubts, although they had remained unacknowledged. ******************** The next few days were tense between the pair. They went about their work as usual, discussing the case when necessary, but otherwise remaining silent. Each of them felt that they were owed an apology by the other, and until that time, the situation was not going to be resolved. The only good thing was that the leaks, the betrayals seemed to have stopped... for the moment. Mulder had decided to interview one of their witnesses, while Scully continued to work on the autopsy of the victim. As he left the witness's house, tucking his small tape recorder back into his pocket, he noticed a familiar figure up ahead of him. It was Chris. Mulder walked stealthily behind the other man; he couldn't rid himself of his suspicions, despite the reaction it had aroused in his partner. He was sure that it was more than just a coincidence that all their problems had started once Scully had begun seeing this man, and for once, he wasn't going to let her hold him back from investigating this lead. Chris stopped next to a small bar, quickly glancing around to ensure that no-one saw him enter. Mulder just had time to duck into a doorway and avoid being seen. His curiosity was roused by the man's gesture; Mulder became even more convinced that there was something not quite right about this man. He waited a few moments, and then he, too, entered the bar. It was pretty rundown, with only the bare minimum of necessary light illuminating its mostly empty space. Mulder searched the room hurriedly, and saw him almost immediately - he was sitting in a corner booth, opposite another man. Mulder slid quickly into the booth behind the two, noting at the same time that it was a perfect cover, for, whilst he could hear every word being spoken between the two men, he couldn't be seen... hidden from view by the sheet of ugly perspex glass separating the two booths. A waitress appeared at his table, asking him what he wanted. "Coffee." He kept his words minimal, to avoid being heard by Chris and the other man. As he listened, he realised that they probably wouldn't have heard him anyway, they were so intent on their conversation. Mulder pulled out the tape recorder that he had been using to record the witness's statement, placed it on the seat beside him, and pressed "Record". As the words wended their way to him, his eyes widened, disbelievingly. He was right: Chris was involved. But the words he was hearing were even more painful, they outlined a deception so great, so intricate, that he could hardly believe it... ******************** Scully sat down heavily on her desk chair and sighed. The office was empty - Mulder was off interviewing a witness. Even though she was still angry with him for his comments the previous day, she couldn't help missing him. She knew that they needed to talk about what had happened, but so far neither of them had made the first move. Her thoughts were interrupted by a sound outside the office door. A few seconds later, Mulder entered, his face stormy - angrier than she'd seen him in a long time. "Mulder, are you okay?" He almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of her voice - he hadn't seen her when he came in, assuming that she would still be working on the autopsy. He turned to look at her, and the expression in his eyes made her gasp. "Mulder-- my God, what's wrong, what's happened?" She quickly stood up, and moved to his side, placing a comforting hand on his arm. All her angry thoughts towards him had quickly dissolved the moment she had seen the agony in his face. He couldn't look at her... couldn't look into those trusting eyes - not when he knew just how much pain he was about to cause her. "Scully, I.. I have something to tell you." "What is it Mulder?" Her voice was tender, aware of his pain, although, as yet, still unaware of its cause. Oh god, he wished that she wouldn't speak to him with such compassion. She thought that there was something wrong with him... she didn't realise that the pain he was feeling was because he was anticipating her own hurt and agony. He knew that she was going to hate him after she had heard what he had to say. But there was no way of avoiding it - she had to know. "Scully, I hope you know that the last thing I'd want to do would be to cause you any pain..." Her hand dropped to her side, and she stepped back, suddenly fearful of what he was going to say. He continued, "Scully, he... Chris... he - he's not who you think he is. " Their eyes met: Mulder's were a well of pain, whilst the eyes that returned his gaze were suddenly distant, cold. "What do you mean?" The words escaped her in a tight whisper. "He's the one who's been leaking the information on our cases. I heard him today, talking with someone. He admitted it, Scully - I have proof." He pulled his tape recorder out of his pocket and placed it softly on his desk. She couldn't tear her eyes away from it...her mind unable to fully grasp what he was saying to her. "I want to hear it." He looked at her questioningly. She nodded towards the tape recorder, and repeated, "I want to hear it." "Scully, I don't know if that's such a good idea..." She snapped, "Goddammit, Mulder! Just play the damn thing, will you!" She drew in a shaky breath and fixed her eyes on his, then, her voice softening, said, "I need to hear it..." He nodded, and pressed play. The voice that she knew so well, along with another, deeper voice, emerged from the cassette: " 'You have been very successful, Christopher.. we are all most impressed with your work...' 'Yeah, well, you know... This one's certainly a better job that the last one you gave me! By the way, I think that was a good idea to stop the leaks for a while - let them relax a little, and then hit 'em with the big one!' " He chuckled, and Scully closed her eyes, pain suddenly stabbing through her, at the familiar noise. " 'Yes, that's what we were intending. It won't be long now before the X-Files are permanently closed, and Mulder's and Scully's reputations destroyed... How has she been reacting to these "problems"?' 'Oh well, you know, she's been pretty stressed, I suppose... although, she generally doesn't talk about her work much - which is fine by me! Anyway - it hasn't made any difference in the sack--'" Mulder quickly turned off the recorder, saying, "There isn't much else after that, that's all you need to hear..." Scully looked at him, her cheeks flushed, "Mulder, I want to hear it all." "Look, Scully, it's really not necessary..." Oh God, what else was on that tape...? "Mulder - have you heard everything he said?" Mulder nodded silently. "Then I have to listen to the rest." She had to know what Mulder had heard. Mulder shrugged his shoulders in a gesture of resignation, and went to sit on his desk chair. Scully moved closer to his desk, and pressed the play button once more. Chris continued the thread of conversation: "'...she's still just as hot in bed.'" Scully could feel her cheeks turning crimson, but she couldn't turn it off - she had to hear what Mulder had heard. The stranger replied, "'Well we're certainly pleased to hear that it hasn't been an unpleasant task for you...' 'Are you kidding? Wow! This woman is such an Ice Queen on the outside, but once you hit the bedroom... all of that just flies out the window - she turns into an animal... man, some of the things she does...she leaves me horny for days...'" Oh God... The voice of the stranger cut Chris off: "'Yes, yes, I'm sure... Now, the other thing we want to know is what exactly is going on between Mulder and Scully?' 'What d'ya mean?' 'Well, we've been observing them for a long time, and we've noticed them getting closer and closer, but we haven't yet been able to determine whether they've taken their relationship a step further...' 'Oh, I get it - you want to know if they're sleeping together? Yeah, I s'pose that would be an even better thing to use to separate them, wouldn't it?'" There was no vocal response from the other man, although there had obviously been some gesture, for Chris continued: "'Well, I dunno... She *says* they've never actually done it, but I'm sure they both want to. You should have seen his face when I first introduced myself to him - man, that was a classic! He looked like he was about to drop dead.Yeah, he wants her all right, and the feeling's pretty mutual, as far as I can tell. In fact, something funny that happened about a week ago gave me a pretty good idea of how she felt. We were having sex - oh man, it was a good one, that night - anyway, I was.. um.. you know.. down there on her.. and she, like, grabbed my hair when she came, and screamed out 'Mulder!' -- gave me a fuckin' heart attack!--'" Scully slammed her hand down on the recorder, abruptly cutting off the flow of words. The silence in the room was so heavy, she felt as if she were being smothered by it. She couldn't look at Mulder, couldn't even lift her eyes from the cassette... her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and all she could hear was the sound of Mulder's breathing... After an interminably long time, Mulder opened his mouth to speak. She heard the intake of breath, as he prepared to say something, but before he had the chance she was gone - almost, but not quite, running out of the room. Mulder leapt up from his chair and followed her - by the time he got to the office door, she was nowhere to be seen: the only sign of her was the closing door of the Ladies. Scully pushed the door shut and leaned against it, fervently hoping that Mulder wouldn't try and follow her. After a few minutes had passed, she allowed herself to relax... he had obviously decided to leave her alone. Chris's words filled her head; no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't push them out, couldn't ignore that voice. Her knees gave way, and she sank to the floor, tears streaming down her face, sobs racking her body. She stayed like that for what felt like hours, although, in reality, was probably only twenty minutes. She felt dirty, violated... how dare he share her most intimate secrets with a complete stranger? And Mulder... Mulder had heard all that; Mulder had listened to the voice that described everything in infinite detail. Mulder knew that she had called his name in her most vulnerable of moments. Oh God, how was she ever going to face him....? How could she look him in the eye, knowing that he knew those things about her, knowing that he had heard that voice that she knew was going to remain in her head for a long time to come. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have gotten so caught up in the relationship that she hadn't even noticed what was going on, hadn't noticed the betrayal, the deception... had trusted him blindly. Had she been so lonely, so desperate for love that she was willing to settle for the first person to come along...? The jumbled questions whirled around in her head, she was unable to stop them and unable to answer them. Her head was starting to ache. She pushed herself to her feet slowly, and moved over to the sink, where she ran some cold water, and splashed it on her face. She reached over and grabbed a paper towel, blotting her face with it and then lifting her head to look in the mirror. She was a mess. The crying, the water and the paper towel had all combined to turn her face into a clown's mask. Her makeup was completely smeared and uneven, her eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were mottled with colour. She had to smile at the sight, and set about trying to fix as much as she could with paper towels and water. Ten minutes later, she carefully pushed open the restroom door and peered out down the corridor. No-one was in sight, so she slowly emerged. The office door was still open - Mulder was in there, no doubt. She took a deep breath, willing her mind to ignore the echo of Chris's voice that was still trapped in her head. She composed her face into a steel mask, determined not to let Mulder catch a glimpse of what she was feeling He already knew too much about her. She strode into the office purposefully, hoping that Mulder wouldn't notice her still shaking hands, as she reached out and picked up her briefcase. She didn't meet his eye as she turned in his direction, keeping her own eyes firmly fixed on her hands. "Mulder, I'm going to take the rest of the afternoon off... I'll see you on Monday." He nodded, although she wouldn't have known, because no sooner had the words left her lips, that she left the room - managing to avoid his eyes the entire time. Despite the evasiveness of her glance, Mulder had seen enough to know how affected she was. Her face had been completely clear of her customary, yet discreet makeup, instantly giving him the impression of looking at a young girl; her eyes had been puffy; and her hands had been shaking uncontrollably. God, he wanted so much to comfort her, but he knew that she would have shunned any such gesture on his part, especially after what they had both just heard. Even though he had known what was coming, he had still been shocked on hearing those last words emerging from the cassette. He could only imagine just how painful it must have been for his partner to hear her most private moment talked about in such a cavalier manner. And yet he couldn't help feeling flattered, happy even... He cursed himself for his insensitivity, while at the same time relishing the thought that she had fantasised about him. The memory of Chris's revelation refused to disappear, and an image appeared unbidden in his mind: his fingers running across her bare abdomen, his lips caressing her neck... He stood up quickly, anxious to erase those dangerous thoughts from his psyche. He couldn't allow himself to think like that, not if he wanted to remain her partner... her friend. He realised reluctantly that regardless of his desires and needs, he couldn't take advantage of the information he had just heard: it was an abuse of her privacy, and would, without a doubt, destroy the careful and implicit trust she placed in him. This wasn't the right time to be thinking about such things... sometime - hopefully not too far off in the future - his hopes would be realised. But not this time... This time what she needed was a friend. ******************** "I just don't know what to do, mom." On returning home, Scully had immediately turned to the only person she had left to confide in. "Dana, honey, it's not the end of the world--" "Mom, you didn't hear the tape. You didn't hear the things he said... personal things, *private* things..." "I can't believe it was that bad! What sort of things did he say, Dana?" "I can't tell you..." Scully tightened her lips together, and clutched the phone even harder, in an effort to repress the memory of those words. She drew a shaky breath and added softly, "The sort of things I can't even tell my own mother." There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments, and then Margaret said, "And... you're embarrassed because Fox heard these things also?" Embarrassed. That was putting it lightly... Scully nodded, then realising that her mother had no way of seeing the gesture, she vocalised the agreement with a murmur. "You know, Dana - I believe that Fox is an honourable man--" Scully scoffed at her mother. "Yes, I know, you probably think that sounds old-fashioned, but let me finish. He respects you, Dana - more than I think you realise, and he cares about you enormously. " Scully knew that her mother had seen a lot of Mulder when she had been missing and then, later, when she was dying in hospital. However, it was only recently that she had begun to realise the depth of the bond they had formed at that time... and it was at moments such as these that she would wonder what exactly had transpired in that time. "... and I know he values your relationship, your friendship, immensely - I don't believe he would do anything to jeopardise it." Scully heard the words, and a part of her knew they were true, but she couldn't help the niggling doubt from invading her mind. "Dana, you just need to trust him." At that moment there was a knock at the door. Scully got to her feet and moved to the door, the phone still held to her ear: "Hold on, mom, there's someone at the door. Who is it?" "It's me." Scully breathed in sharply - only one person in her life would answer like that, assuming that she would automatically recognise his voice, as she did, of course. "I'm on the phone Mulder." She didn't know why she thought this would ward him off. Her mother spoke in her ear: "Is that Fox? Talk to him Dana, you need to talk..." And she hung up. Scully stared at the phone in frustration. "Scully, come on - we need to talk." God - it was a conspiracy! "Mulder, I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this." "Scully - look, I'm not leaving... Either you let me in, or I'll let myself in." "What? And invade my privacy again?" As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them, and from the silence on the other side of the door, she realised they had hit home. She quickly unlocked the door, and pulled it open. Mulder's expression was unguarded and displayed his hurt like a shield. "Oh Mulder, I'm sorry - I didn't mean that..." "No, no, you're right... I had no business interfering--" "Mulder, don't be ridiculous. We needed to find out where those leaks were coming from, and you did. You don't need to blame yourself for anything." Scully's voice was cold, unemotional. Mulder knew that this was just her way of dealing with pain, and he didn't accept her tone of voice as an indication of her true feelings. He stepped forward. "Scully, can I come in?" he pleaded gently. She nodded, stepping back and allowing him to sweep past her into her apartment. He moved towards the couch, and then realised that she hadn't followed him. He turned around and saw that she was standing in exactly the same spot, her hand still grasping the doorknob, her eyes glazed and unfocused. Mulder moved to her side and gently released her hand from the knob, closing the door softly, and leading her over to the couch. She followed willingly, suddenly as easy to manipulate as a rag doll. She sat down heavily on the couch, and drew her knees up to her chest, as Mulder looked on, trying to decipher her thoughts from the myriad of emotions that flitted across her face. They stayed this way for a long time. Mulder didn't dare move, for fear that he would disturb the trance-like state she had fallen into. He allowed his gaze to linger on her face, as it had never done before. Even without a trace of makeup, and with her eyes still puffy from crying, her translucent beauty was undeniable. He yearned to reach over and run his hand along her cheek, but he knew that she would only cringe at the gesture. So he sat there silently, watching her - waiting for her to speak. Scully was lost in thought. Seeing Mulder at the door had brought on a rush of memories and emotions. She had barely felt his gentle hand guiding her to a seat, had hardly noticed the silence that clung to them. Her every sense was focused on the thoughts and feelings that raced around her head. Chris was a liar - he had used her... it was her fault that their cases had been jeopardised. The X-Files would have been shut down - and it would have been her fault - Mulder would have blamed her. Mulder... Mulder had heard that she had wanted him, had called his name, her intimate secrets... Mulder had followed Chris, had recorded a conversation with Chris. Mulder had betrayed her; trust...truth...what was the truth?... who was on their side?... who was their enemy?... would she ever have a normal life again?...Mulder... Mulder... Mulder.... For the first time since the tape had started reciting its treacherous message, Scully lifted her head and looked into Mulder's eyes. For a moment they each allowed their respective barriers to drop. They were exposed; their desires, their needs, their feelings and emotions were displayed openly and uninhibitedly...for a moment. It was only a split second in time, and yet it felt like an eternity. Scully knew what Mulder wanted... knew what she wanted... And she knew that they couldn't have it - not now, not yet. "Mulder... Can we move past this? I just want to forget. Will you do that for me - please?" Her voice was husky, yet under control. He moved closer to her, gently laying his hand along her cheek, lifting her head so that their eyes met once more. "Scully, if that's what you want... then I'll do it." She closed her eyes. For a brief moment she imagined another life for them, a life of complete and total companionship... and she smiled. It would come... all in good time. She opened her eyes, the smile still lingering on her lips. "That's what I want." ~ THE END ~ ----------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for reading. Comments are welcome. leigh_xf@geocities.com